Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Update about issues with 14 yr old son

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:54 AM
  • 13 Replies
So last Thursday, my son got into a physical fight where the police were called and my husband put him out. This situation has been so stressful for the last 4 months.
The fight started because I told him since he couldn't do any chores that he couldn't use his phone for the rest of the night. I told him to put it down on the night stand. He slammed it down then picked it back up and started to use it. I told him you will not disrespect me. Then all hell broke loose. I picked it up and he went crazy. I had to fight him from his room to outside. I had to lock him out. I waited 15-20 minutes to go outside to speak with him. It was 10pm. He started to cuss and get upset so I started to walk away. He came after me and hit me in my face. My neighbor saw him and screamed out at him to back away. The police were called out. The officers said they would pick him up for hitting me. They found him at my mom's apt. D.A decided that were not pressing charges because he was in therapy. Wth?????? My husband didn't know my son had been fighting me cause it's his step dad and I thought I could control it. My mother in law called him and told because I called her for help because I have a 4 year old and 4 month old. My husband was so angry. He took all his stuff and wrapped it a queen size comforter. He said he is done and he can't come back. I contacted his biological father to come get him until school starts. Dad has picked him up yet. He claims that he will on Friday. My son is with my mom which her and my deceased father help create his bad behavior. They never wanted anyone to correct him. My parents and I would go to war over this. Well since he is at my mom's he is bored because she doesn't have cable and my husband made me keep his phone. My mom requested for the phone last weekend and now my son started contacting me yesterday for the phone. What are your ideas???
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:54 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:01 AM

Ok Do NOT blame anyone for his behavior but you and his father. You gave him life and you neglected to lay down the law. You were in charge of his upbringing no one else. You have got to own it sistah.

NO do not give him his phone. He needs to learn that it is a privilege. Maybe grandma should give him chores to keep him  from being bored. that's not for you to decide.  I think the smartest thing is for you to talk with him. Assure him you love him. That until he changes his ways you can not have him around his siblings or yourself. It's called tough love.

nmrob79
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:24 AM
I did have him under control until I had my last child and my father died. These 2 events is when I saw the change. He didn't run my household at all. He is also starting high school and is feeling himself. I Know What I've done as a parent which was be there, lay out rules and stood by them, went to every school event and tell and show him that I love him.
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:30 AM


Quoting nmrob79: I did have him under control until I had my last child and my father died. These 2 events is when I saw the change. He didn't run my household at all. He is also starting high school and is feeling himself. I Know What I've done as a parent which was be there, lay out rules and stood by them, went to every school event and tell and show him that I love him.

  MY answer was soley based on your commenting his bad beahvior comes from your parents not letting anyone correct him. I still think its best he have time with his dad. not have his phone. This just might help him see how well he had it when he lived with you.  Thus turning him around. KWIM ?

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

PogoPalOj
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:35 AM

My daughter found out that it is against the law to restrain a child, to physically keep them from leaving the house.  Believe it or not it is false imprisonment!  The laws now tie our hands.  Then everyone wants to know why we can't control our children.  She was a typical teenager until she started looking into the laws and found out how little we could discipline her.

I ended up sending her to my mother's.  She thoguht she could handle her better than we did.  It wasn't long before she started her crap again.  But she finally pulled her head out of her ass.  I am so glad she is grown now.  You are not alone, Hon.  Good luck

nmrob79
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:51 AM
Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:01 AM

Nope, he does NOT get his phone back, except with the service turned off altogether. He can pay for his OWN service.

You have two problems here: Your son and your marriage. If bio-Dad is in the picture and isn't a drunk or druggie, I think you might send your son to him for a while. He should NOT be with grandma if she's an enabler; in fact, minimizing contact with her might be a good idea for the time being.

You and your husband need to go to counseling too. And then all of you as a family. DO NOT hide things from your husband! It's the direct route to divorce court. You tell him EVERYTHING. He needs to know.

nmrob79
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:20 AM
I'm not keeping anything else from my husband. We were doing therapy. Therapist and his Dr feels he needs to be evaluated.
iwashere
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Some people don't handle change well and it sounds like your teen is one of them. I personally would do exactly what you are doing. Send your son to bio dad's home. Make sure he still has therapy while there. Do not give him back his phone.

Good luck. The teen years can suck :)

Blessed2585
by New Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry that this happened, I can understand the stress and confusion that you must be having right now. I would strongly urge you to seek some counseling. I do know of a place that you can call for free. Focus on the Family has free licensed counseling that you can call at 1800-A-Family. I have spoken with one and they are great! I will keep you in my prayers!

nmrob79
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:32 PM
Thank you so much!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN