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High School & college dual-enrollment DS getting cold feet...

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:28 PM
  • 19 Replies

I took my oldest, a Junior this year, to dual-enroll at the community college and we got his paperwork and he seemed fine. We have been talking about this since early in the year...like April, I brought it up with him and got things rolling with the charter school. They will pay for it.

I brought it up to him last night that school starts MONDAY and he MUST get his assessments done and get enrolled, and he FLIPPED OUT! He says "I didn't know "going to college" meant GOING to college.IHe thought I could do it online. Umm...I NEVER discussed him doing it online. It was always "take college classes, go to college, etc."

Background: He had been bullied and beat up in PS through the 3rd grade. I was pulling his brother to homeschool due to learning disabilities and DS BEGGEG me totake him out and homeschool him as well. We ue a Charter school program with a learning center. He took a couple classes his Freshman and sophomore years, through our charter school and DID GREAT... got along with the kids FINE. He does great at boy Scouts and other extracurriculars. I figured as he matured, it wouldn' be an issue getting him back into a classroom. He was in a total PANIC last night.

Not sure WHAT to do about him. How far do I push?

Academically, he is more than ready. Mentally??

When I was in college, I broke my back riding horses (similar to Reeves but without permanent injury) but had to withdraw from my English course. I am thinking of offering to go with him to class, but totally ignore him (LMAO) and sit elsewhere so that I am there and know how to help him and we can work somewhat together at home. Do you think that is a good plan?

Or should I let him wait a year? Which I do NOT think will be the answer...

 Or press him and make him try it? I know we can always drop and get a refund  if it doesn't work out but he MUST try.

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
elkmomma
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:38 PM

Call the school.  Most colleges will have an issue with Mommy  baby sitting in classes (that's how many will view this)    However, I believe they are also required to make accommodations too, if he has an SN (which they should have known about when enrolling). 

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:40 PM

 It would not be "mommy babysitting" as I will actually be enrolled in the class. Not observing and escorting him.

No, he does not have any special needs issues however his therapist has diagnosed him with PTSD from his time in school when he was bullied and beat up several times.

Quoting elkmomma:

Call the school.  Most colleges will have an issue with Mommy  baby sitting in classes (that's how many will view this)    However, I believe they are also required to make accommodations too, if he has an SN (which they should have known about when enrolling). 

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

elkmomma
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:10 PM

This is going to sound rude / bitchy, but I'm not trying to be.   Are you sure you haven't coddled him a little too long and now it's time quit letting him suckle?   I'm often reminded to take DS off my boob and let him grow up.  It's really hard to let them go and become who they will be.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

 It would not be "mommy babysitting" as I will actually be enrolled in the class. Not observing and escorting him.

No, he does not have any special needs issues however his therapist has diagnosed him with PTSD from his time in school when he was bullied and beat up several times.

Quoting elkmomma:

Call the school.  Most colleges will have an issue with Mommy  baby sitting in classes (that's how many will view this)    However, I believe they are also required to make accommodations too, if he has an SN (which they should have known about when enrolling). 

 


Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 If he didn't have other activities, outside of Mom and home where he was thriving, I would agree with you.

He is president of the Antler Lodge (Youth service program through the Elks Lodge) and the Senior Patrol Leader of his Boy Scout Troop. Mom isn't always there to support and coddle him. I specifically avoid those so that he has the separation.

As I mentioned, he did classes, all on his own (even rode bike to- from) at the Charter School and did great. That is why I am so baffled.

I guess I will schedule an appt and talk to his therapist and get his take on it.

Quoting elkmomma:

This is going to sound rude / bitchy, but I'm not trying to be.   Are you sure you haven't coddled him a little too long and now it's time quit letting him suckle?   I'm often reminded to take DS off my boob and let him grow up.  It's really hard to let them go and become who they will be.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

 It would not be "mommy babysitting" as I will actually be enrolled in the class. Not observing and escorting him.

No, he does not have any special needs issues however his therapist has diagnosed him with PTSD from his time in school when he was bullied and beat up several times.

Quoting elkmomma:

Call the school.  Most colleges will have an issue with Mommy  baby sitting in classes (that's how many will view this)    However, I believe they are also required to make accommodations too, if he has an SN (which they should have known about when enrolling). 

 

 

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

elkmomma
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Teens are a pain and so baffling.  I'm surprised I still have all my hair  LOL.  Great idea to talk with his therapist though.  He could just be scared of becoming a grownup too.  I told my neighbor last night (also a mom of 3 teens) that I needed a new brick wall to bang my head on 'cause I keep knocking the bricks out of the one I have now.    Just keep up the good fight and do what you feel is right for him, but don't be afraid to let him fall on his own too.  Even little birds have to learn to fly (my Mom's advice for me earlier this summer).

.banging head into wall

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

 If he didn't have other activities, outside of Mom and home where he was thriving, I would agree with you.

He is president of the Antler Lodge (Youth service program through the Elks Lodge) and the Senior Patrol Leader of his Boy Scout Troop. Mom isn't always there to support and coddle him. I specifically avoid those so that he has the separation.

As I mentioned, he did classes, all on his own (even rode bike to- from) at the Charter School and did great. That is why I am so baffled.

I guess I will schedule an appt and talk to his therapist and get his take on it.

Quoting elkmomma:

This is going to sound rude / bitchy, but I'm not trying to be.   Are you sure you haven't coddled him a little too long and now it's time quit letting him suckle?   I'm often reminded to take DS off my boob and let him grow up.  It's really hard to let them go and become who they will be.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

 It would not be "mommy babysitting" as I will actually be enrolled in the class. Not observing and escorting him.

No, he does not have any special needs issues however his therapist has diagnosed him with PTSD from his time in school when he was bullied and beat up several times.

Quoting elkmomma:

Call the school.  Most colleges will have an issue with Mommy  baby sitting in classes (that's how many will view this)    However, I believe they are also required to make accommodations too, if he has an SN (which they should have known about when enrolling). 

 


 


Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:48 PM

Thanks! It does help to sound things out with others. I have definitely dented my share of walls with DS1.

I am leaning toward being the mean mom and making him go and just taking another class at the same time. I know academically he can deal with it and he eventually HAS to go if he wants his degree. (He is doing Fire science) May as well suck it up now!

 

Quoting elkmomma:

Teens are a pain and so baffling.  I'm surprised I still have all my hair  LOL.  Great idea to talk with his therapist though.  He could just be scared of becoming a grownup too.  I told my neighbor last night (also a mom of 3 teens) that I needed a new brick wall to bang my head on 'cause I keep knocking the bricks out of the one I have now.    Just keep up the good fight and do what you feel is right for him, but don't be afraid to let him fall on his own too.  Even little birds have to learn to fly (my Mom's advice for me earlier this summer).

.banging head into wall

 

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

Maime13
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this

What's the rush? I mean, he is essentially telling you he isn't ready to do this. Can you just trust him to know what he needs right now?

I'm all about pushing my kids to stretch out of their comfort zone, but if you have to make this many accomodations to make it "work" it probably isn't the right time. JMO

Can he just take regular classes at the charter school or do online schooling? Dual enrollment isn't a necessity, it's a bonus. Pushing him too quickly could end up with him shutting down on college all together. 

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:53 PM
He began asking me about it a year ago. He has friends who have done it and was all excited UNLTIL he realized it had to be in person.

He prefers to work at his own pace and may be a bit spoiled by not having to conform to anyone else for so long.

It is more a case of "why wouldn't you" ...Why take an English class in high school that is basically a repetition of prior years when you could do the same exact class and get college credit.


Quoting Maime13:

What's the rush? I mean, he is essentially telling you he isn't ready to do this. Can you just trust him to know what he needs right now?I'm all about pushing my kids to stretch out of their comfort zone, but if you have to make this many accomodations to make it "work" it probably isn't the right time. JMO

Can he just take regular classes at the charter school or do online schooling? Dual enrollment isn't a necessity, it's a bonus. Pushing him too quickly could end up with him shutting down on college all together. 

Maime13
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I guess you wouldn't if it would make you feel uncomfortable. If it means, that you need to have a parent in the room or nearby just to feel secure. That isn't healthy and conducive to maturing at his age. If he needs to take things a little slower because of his issues, then that is just what he needs to do. I feel like you can't have it both ways, in this case.

Either he is ready and willing to do this on his own and his issues are not a factor OR his issues are still too much in the forefront and he needs to step back, do regular classes and focus on getting mentally healthier.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: He began asking me about it a year ago. He has friends who have done it and was all excited UNLTIL he realized it had to be in person. He prefers to work at his own pace and may be a bit spoiled by not having to conform to anyone else for so long. It is more a case of "why wouldn't you" ...Why take an English class in high school that is basically a repetition of prior years when you could do the same exact class and get college credit.
Quoting Maime13:

What's the rush? I mean, he is essentially telling you he isn't ready to do this. Can you just trust him to know what he needs right now?I'm all about pushing my kids to stretch out of their comfort zone, but if you have to make this many accomodations to make it "work" it probably isn't the right time. JMO

Can he just take regular classes at the charter school or do online schooling? Dual enrollment isn't a necessity, it's a bonus. Pushing him too quickly could end up with him shutting down on college all together. 


atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 14, 2014 at 4:34 PM

I would have him wait.  My friends dd's did it for their senior year.  They went only to college and they had to physically go to community college.  They both loved it.  He should do what he wants to do with no pressure from you.  The girls I am talking about wanted to do it. 

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