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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Stopping sleepovers

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 9:55 PM
  • 13 Replies
I think my teen may be gay. But has not came out. How do I stop sleepovers without letting her know I suspect she is gay?
by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 9:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ame4c
by Bronze Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:55 PM
Why do you have to stop sleep overs? Is she not allowed to have friends if she is gay? Why don't you just get creative and have them sleep in the living room and keep an eye on them. It seems wrong to punish her for being gay.
THC14
by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 11:06 PM
The friend she has sleepovers with is the same person she has feelings for. It's not that I don't want her to have friends. That's where I need help. I don't want her to know I've found this out but I don't want to allow sleepovers with the friend she has feelings for. I wouldn't let her stay over with a boyfriend. I just don't know how to go about all of this. I just found this out this weekend.
latashac
by New Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 3:14 AM

Well you need to talk to her. You may be thinking wrong. How do you know for sure, and is this friend also a lesbian??

THC14
by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 4:00 AM
I found a letter my daughter had written to her friend. I'm scared to say anything to her because I don't want to hinder out relationship. If it is true....Maybe she should be the one to say something first. I am just so confused. I want to do the right thing. I love my daughter more than anything.
Khanfan
by Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 6:48 AM

Hi and welcome.

I have a 13 yr old girl. I got two Grandbabies in the past 3 months. I've done the teen parent thing and I didn't do it really well, but I'm really proud of the men as husbands and Daddy's my sons are today.

I believe that talking about anything and everything is the key to raising up the kids. You see something is off. If it is ignored it could become more than you can help.



Khanfan
by Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 6:58 AM


Quoting THC14: I found a letter my daughter had written to her friend. I'm scared to say anything to her because I don't want to hinder out relationship. If it is true....Maybe she should be the one to say something first. I am just so confused. I want to do the right thing. I love my daughter more than anything.

I know it is scarry. Having her know today that you care that she might be going through a challenge, will help her. It is harder on her young brain than anything to have to figure out her sexuality alone or with someone who does not "love her more than anything". You will build your relationship not hinder it if you let her talk about what is going on.


Maime13
by Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 9:16 AM

That is tricky. Her sexuality is her business and I agree that telling her you've been snooping is probably not going to be conducive to an open discourse. Especially if you are only mentioning it because you want to have a talk about not having sex in your house.

Gay or straight really doesn't matter in the big picture here. I'm assuming your issue is that you want to make sure she understands the house rules and respects them? You want to make sure she doesn't have sex in your house. Correct?

Maybe just keep an open door policy in your house? For all guests, regardless of gender.

As far as making sure she feel safe and keeping the lines of communication open...all I can think of is making sure that you are exhibiting a positive and open attitude towards people of all sexualties. Your actions will speak loudly to her.

DisabledVet
by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 11:07 AM

Why would you stop sleepovers? If she's going to have sex she'll do so without sleepovers. Try contacting PFLAG and getting advice from them. You could be wrong.

iwashere
by Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 11:50 AM
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If I'm understanding correctly, your problem is not with your daughter being gay, but with her not following the rules of no sex in the house. You know, you really, REALLY cannot start a conversation with a teenager with, "I found this in your room..." Your DD will absolutely not listen further. And if she's not ready to come out, that could make things worse for her.

I would sit down with her, in an atmosphere where she is most likely to talk (my DS talks on car trips for some reason) and I'd talk to her about the no sex in the house rule. Then I guess I'd drop it. The truth is, there is no easy way around this. Your DD will be working through her own emotions and feelings at this point, so it's probably better not to push the issue, despite your rule. She may interpret your enforcing this rule with being disappointed that she is gay.

And I would definately contact PFLAG for advice.

MamaLoriLee
by Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 5:35 PM
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What ever happened to sitting down and talking to your Teenager?? Everybody is afraid of stepping on toes, but the only way to be an effective parent is to have open communication with your children.
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