Dd, 15, had reconnected with a friend from gr. 4 that she hadn't seen in years b/c we switched schools. They started "dating" back in the spring. She was not supposed to have a boyfriend, but we let it slide as it was more of a friendship anyway - he had longer hair than her & she'd bring him over to play with his hair - including letting her 10yo sister help... they held hands and kissed on the cheek. She was not ready to make it any more than that. He just turned 15 a couple months ago.
However, this boy had/has no other friends it seems and poured all his energy into my dd. He bought her clothes, he wanted to see her daily - her homework suffered (or, actually, didn't get done). He needed to talk to her all the time. He would text her sister or myself if for whatever reason she stopped texting him in the middle of a conversation - she doesn't have proper phone manners - she doesn't announce when she's going to go to the bathroom, she just leaves the phone on her bed & goes. She doesn't rush back to the phone either, it wasn't that big a deal for her. He didn't think so. This annoyed her but she never told him.
She went away this summer for camp. She did a 9 day canoe trip for the LIT program. She pushed herself to limits she didn't know she had. She dealt with other teenage boys who were brutal in their own way. She realized her boyfriend was crazy (she'd known it before & we'd only had supervised visits with him. No alone time - because of her age.) Before camp even ended she decided she couldn't be with him anymore. He was too emotionally unstable for her, she didn't want that stress in her life anymore.
So when she got home from camp - and she hadn't had her phone so no contact for a month with him, he'd been texting her sis (who was also at the camp) to keep in touch with her, but she'd stayed away. She called him that night (Saturday, this weekend just past) to tell him it was over.
He is freaking out. He's already destroyed all the furniture in his room, and then called her to tell her that his parents were mad at him for it. I have spoken with him on the phone too. I told him if he's going to act like that, she's not able to be with him at all. He needs to be stable to be in her life. She can't be worrying about him hurting himself or other things b/c he's freaking out. I won't stand for it either. "You're a nice kid, we like you, she just isn't ready for a relationship right now, and she can't be with someone who she feels guilty about when she's worried you're going to hurt yourself b/c you can't be with her. That's not fair to do to her." He said, I know, but I really don't think he does at all. It's the way he is, he "rages" as he puts it.
He's an unstable emotional mess (was before they started dating) and he's going to be worse now. I feel bad for him, he's a lonely kid with no family support - they are not lovey at all. He has no other friends - he's the dark brooding type. She was his world and now its destroyed (as far as he's concerned).
The good news is, they don't go to the same school, so she won't see him daily. She plans on having no contact for the first few weeks of school so she can get her head straight. I plan on fielding all calls from him for her at the house. I will block his number from his sis' phone so he can't text all his sorrows to her to pass on to his "ex", and burden both my dd's with his crap.
I have spoken to his parents on the phone at the beginning of their relationship and I know that they don't respect me (b/c I said my dd wasn't old enough to have a boyfriend & they think it's harmless but have no clue what their son is like). So I don't know what a phone conversation with them will be like b/c my dd just destroyed their son's world. I know we come from different worlds and I don't know how to discuss this with them without getting into a fight - I don't want/need that right now. If I have to call them, I will, but I'm not sure when is the right time to do that. After a week of non-stop calling?
Anyone ever deal with this? He's not "harrassing" her yet, he just wants to keep her on the phone to keep in touch with her as she's his only friend, but she doesn't want to. We have no problem ignoring his calls/texts. I have no problem answering his calls to tell him she can't talk. I have no problem telling him she's grounded from the phone or texting or hanging out in person to keep him away.
If he starts showing up at the house though, then there's going to be a problem.
If we try to do no contact, how long before he should get over it? I don't want this hanging over her head for months. Once school starts, I hope he'll have more to think about, but I know he devoted all his thoughts to her before this.
Anyone have any advice for broken hearts? My dd's heart is not broken, she is more annoyed than anything with him. How do I help this boy? I know it's not my job, but I feel bad for him, he'd been waiting all summer to see her again & the first time they talk she dumps him. It was harsh.