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Week 2 of Learning To Let Go / Is There Too Much Independance??

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:15 AM
  • 22 Replies

So anyone who has read my previous post already has some insight on my over controlling ways and my need for therapy. You may also know that I am trying to stop micro-managing my dd and let her become more independent. I'm very happy to report that she has made her own check list these past two days. She has done a great job getting everything together and with the exception of picking stuff up and gathering it together for her that one time. She has been the one to pack her own bags. 

Anyways this post isn't so much about my progress but about if it's possibly to allow too much Independence. Over the weekend I shared with another mom my desire to step back and not do so much. This mom then proceeds to tell me about how independent her kids have. They chose when and want to eat, when to sleep, what they wear (I'm fine with that one), when to bath, if they bath, if they want to do school work (they are doing unlearning home school no curriculum), if they want to clean, if they want to brush their hair and so forth.She also said she likes it when her girls argue with her because that means they are forming their own opinions and learning to be assertive.

Okay so I'm not insulting this mom in any way. I totally get different strokes for different folks. Her daughters have always been well mannered around me. And with the exception of me wanting to scream at her DD to change her clothes and put on deodorant when she spends the night at my house (something I have never done), I really can't say anything negative about the results of how she is doing things.

But is it just me or does that seem like a lot of freedom for a child. Her kids range in ages 6-12. I could not imagine letting my 6 year old wear dirty undies for three days.



by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:19 AM

Thats fucking nonsense IMHO !

HeathersRich
by Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:31 AM
I think there extremes on both ends and her lack of rules/structure will probably bite those kids in the butt someday. The whole unschool thing I think is laziness and I can't see the kids actually making themselves do enough to get into college and get adult jobs so they can be a productive part of our society. Jmo
Sydel
by Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:34 AM

I asked her about them going to college. I asked if they would get their GED and she said no. That it's better for them to have an unaccredited diploma from her  instead of a GED. That's just weird to me. She also explained the no curriculum thing. She said she wants the girls to study subjects that they like not what society things they should like. He made a reference to her one DD being a minecraft wiz and the other one learning history off of anime.  I wanted to ask her about the accuracy of what her child is learning but left it alone. I have no idea what the 6 year old is learning.

Quoting HeathersRich: I think there extremes on both ends and her lack of rules/structure will probably bite those kids in the butt someday. The whole unschool thing I think is laziness and I can't see the kids actually making themselves do enough to get into college and get adult jobs so they can be a productive part of our society. Jmo


atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:46 AM
That is insane. Mine had to go to bed on school nights at 9 or 9:30. What they wore, I wasn't picky. Homework had to be done. Your friends kids are gonna struggle in life. Guiding your kids and doing things for them are 2 different things.
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Sydel
by Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:49 AM

When she was talking I thought to myself she is my complete opposite LOL. We had this conversation at her house and her DD was on day three of wearing the SAME outfit she had come to my home on Friday in. I asked about if she'd changed her undies and the mom laughed and said probably not. EEEWWWW I almost had an anxiety attack in her kitchen.

Quoting atlmom2: That is insane. Mine had to go to bed on school nights at 9 or 9:30. What they wore, I wasn't picky. Homework had to be done. Your friends kids are gonna struggle in life. Guiding your kids and doing things for them are 2 different things.


my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 12:30 PM
By the high school, I relaxed on bed times, when to do homework, etc... I was never as loosey goosey as her, but I want my kids to learn of natural consequences. We eat as many meals as we can as a family.
iwashere
by Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:08 PM
2 moms liked this

That whole unschooled thing is something I could never do. If my mom had done that I'd have studied the musical theory of Peter frampton, followed by Bonnie Bell lip smacker class. Because I was that shallow as a kid.

wakymom
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 8:22 PM

 Unschooling is one thing, not insisting on proper hygiene is something else.

Imo, that is waaay too much freedom for kids that age.

 

 

 

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:15 AM

I'm not a fan of homeschooling, and I do think the education is far too unstructured. This is the kind of homeschooling that gives the whole idea a bad name.

But as to the hygeine and clothing? I don't think that's too much freedom. Yours should know your expectations and that's ALL you do regarding this; the rest is completely up to her. Yes, she'll make mistakes. But they are HER mistakes to make and she will learn from them. If you're doing anything but providing the things she needs, then you're doing too much.

suesues
by Silver Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 6:50 AM

kids need structure and parenting and rules to learn how to live in society that mom is lazy only hurting them 

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