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Found laxatives hidden in DDs bedroom

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 5:59 PM
  • 10 Replies
She knows it's not an effective form of weight loss. It's the only reason I can think she would have the especially because they were hidden.

She does eat but had radically changed her eating habits. It's obvious.

I'm concerned about telling her I found them because I was snooping in her room, we've had problems with her in the past so I look now and then.

She is in therapy for social anxiety.

Any advice or thoughts?
by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 5:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 30, 2014 at 6:02 PM

You have to talk to her or the therapist does.  Eating disorders are not to mess around with and are serious. 

Maime13
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 7:03 PM

Why were you snooping?

I'm a big advocate of privacy for teens. However, if you feel like they are involved in something dangerous and/or illegal all bets are off.

I would be honest with her. Tell her you are worried because the changes are obvious. You found the laxatives and you are taking her to see the Dr and getting a referral for a specialist (or whatever procedure you need to follow to get her to someone who deals with eating disorders).

atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 30, 2014 at 7:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like she snooped for good reason. Parents usually know best.

Quoting Maime13:

Why were you snooping?

I'm a big advocate of privacy for teens. However, if you feel like they are involved in something dangerous and/or illegal all bets are off.

I would be honest with her. Tell her you are worried because the changes are obvious. You found the laxatives and you are taking her to see the Dr and getting a referral for a specialist (or whatever procedure you need to follow to get her to someone who deals with eating disorders).

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createive
by Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 7:35 PM
I am all about privacy and right to space be it teen or adult. All of that aside we've had pretty big issues with her last year and we did tell her we'd perform spot checks.

Her right to privacy under my roof isn't the issue. It's not like I read her diary, though I'm confident I'd find many things I would not like to read.

Quoting Maime13:

Why were you snooping?

I'm a big advocate of privacy for teens. However, if you feel like they are involved in something dangerous and/or illegal all bets are off.

I would be honest with her. Tell her you are worried because the changes are obvious. You found the laxatives and you are taking her to see the Dr and getting a referral for a specialist (or whatever procedure you need to follow to get her to someone who deals with eating disorders).

Maime13
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 7:39 PM

If she was aware that you would be doing random checks, then I wouldn't even consider it snooping. It's a non-issue if she tries to make a big deal of it just don't engage. The real issue is that she has changed her eating patterns and you found laxatives in her room. Those are big red flags, add the anxiety on top of it and you don't even have time to worry about whether she'll be upset that you were in her room. She needs help asap.

Quoting createive: I am all about privacy and right to space be it teen or adult. All of that aside we've had pretty big issues with her last year and we did tell her we'd perform spot checks. Her right to privacy under my roof isn't the issue. It's not like I read her diary, though I'm confident I'd find many things I would not like to read.
Quoting Maime13:

Why were you snooping?

I'm a big advocate of privacy for teens. However, if you feel like they are involved in something dangerous and/or illegal all bets are off.

I would be honest with her. Tell her you are worried because the changes are obvious. You found the laxatives and you are taking her to see the Dr and getting a referral for a specialist (or whatever procedure you need to follow to get her to someone who deals with eating disorders).


iwashere
by Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 7:40 PM

I'd definitely talk to the therapist about it. If you don't think she will shut down,then maybe discuss it with her personally in a non-judgemental way. I was a shy teen with eating issues. It led to all sorts of problems for me later on in life, but at the time I felt eating (or, actually, not eating) was allowing me some measure of control over my life and my anxieties. Perhaps she feels the same. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 30, 2014 at 8:35 PM

That is typical it is the one thing they can contol in their life and it is not eating.  My neighbor works at an eating disorder hospital.  it is super serious and the OP needs to get her dd help asap.  The earlier the better.  There is no turning back a lot of the time if it goes on long term. 

Quoting iwashere:

I'd definitely talk to the therapist about it. If you don't think she will shut down,then maybe discuss it with her personally in a non-judgemental way. I was a shy teen with eating issues. It led to all sorts of problems for me later on in life, but at the time I felt eating (or, actually, not eating) was allowing me some measure of control over my life and my anxieties. Perhaps she feels the same. 


Sydel
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2014 at 2:53 PM

That is really scary. Please give us an update after  you talk to her and her therapist. My dd knows I go through her room. I have never had to snoop and I haven't read her diary. But I clean her room and put away her laundry. I have found things hidden but never anything serious. I usually just put it back and say nothing.

Debmomto2girls
by Member on Sep. 2, 2014 at 5:36 PM

I firmly believe in a teens privacy. They clean their own room and do their own laundry.

However, if they every give me a reason not to trust them they know all bets are off.

It sounds like you had reason to do spot checks and laxatives is a serious sign. I would actually talk to her therapist first and ask her the best way to approach your dd.


Best of luck

createive
by Member on Sep. 4, 2014 at 2:45 PM

Thanks for your concern!

I talked to her last night and she was releived I brought it up. She said she hadn't been doing it for long of very often and that she wasn't dependent or anything. She knows it's not productive and said she would stop. It was a tough but kind and good conversation. I will have her talk to her therapist about it, she's seeing him next Tuesday.

She's such a smart good girl, I hope this was a blip in the radar...

Quoting Sydel:

That is really scary. Please give us an update after  you talk to her and her therapist. My dd knows I go through her room. I have never had to snoop and I haven't read her diary. But I clean her room and put away her laundry. I have found things hidden but never anything serious. I usually just put it back and say nothing.


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