Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Do you allow...

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 9:03 AM
  • 16 Replies

Do you allow your 14 year old daughter to have a boyfriend?   If so, what does this mean? 



by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 9:03 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't allow dates or unsupervised time. Basically at 14, they see each other at school and school sanctioned events. They may text/use social media outside of school though. I've explained to my kids that until they can go on dates without a chaperone it is not considered a real relationship and to save it for a real one not a 'play' one
ame4c
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 9:13 AM
I agree with the above poster. My son had a girlfriend but they were chaperoned at all times. He is 18 now and still uses the chaperone/group dating technics. I tell all my kids that even adults have trouble with the sex pressures. Its just better to not put yourself in situations that will make it even harder to say "No".

Now I don't know if my son has had sex yet and frankly its not my business at this point but I do feel he has been given a good foundation to live by.
1kidmomajm
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:30 PM

I agree. At 14 this is the extent of most kids dating anyway. Maybe a large group can go to the mall or the movies, but they should never be alone in a home. Its not that they are not trusted, but that it is innappropriate to be alone together.

Quoting GleekingOut: I don't allow dates or unsupervised time. Basically at 14, they see each other at school and school sanctioned events. They may text/use social media outside of school though. I've explained to my kids that until they can go on dates without a chaperone it is not considered a real relationship and to save it for a real one not a 'play' one


my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 11:15 PM
No dating here until 16 under our roof.
Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2014 at 2:04 PM

Both of my older girls had boyfriends at that age.  There were no one-on-one dates or unsupervised visits...still aren't with my 15-year-old.  My 17-year-old can go on one-on-one dates now.  But neither are allowed to have boys over when no adult is present.  My 15 YO's boyfriend's parents were VERY impressed a couple of weeks ago when they had made plans for him to come and hang out at our house, until DD realized my MIL (who lives with us) would be out for the day.  They rearranged the plan so that she could go to his house instead.  When his parents found out they were very happy the kids didn't sneak around and take advantage of the situation, which they could've done pretty easily.  The 'rules' about boyfriends have never really been too much of an issue for us; our girls have always seemed to think it was all very logical, and it has never been much different than their friends' situations.

zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2014 at 3:42 PM

My daughter did last year, it lasted all of 2 weeks before she decided she wasn't ready for a boyfriend lol.  We told her that she was allowed to have a "school boyfriend" at that age.  Meaning only at school

Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on Sep. 8, 2014 at 3:41 AM
1 mom liked this

My DD had her first BF at 13. He was a kid we had known since grade school, so we trusted him. They went on group dates mostly, although they occasionally went out to eat alone (which we allowed because it was a public place). They went to school dances and other functions, or hung out at his or our house. The house rules: no closed doors, and if no adults are home they have to stay out in the front yard. Also, while on dates, Alexis was required to check in via text every 30 minutes.

Now that she's almost 15 (next month), the rules are a little more lax. (Different BF, btw, another one we've known for years.) They can go out on solo dates, and the check-in texts are required only every hour now. My daughter has proven time and time again that she is very mature and has a good head on her shoulders, so I honestly don't worry.

Alexis Emma 10-13-1999 - 14 years old
Kirsten Leslie 03-14-2004 - 10 years old
Sarah Mackenzie 08-14-2007 - 7 years old
Charlotte Amelia & Harmon David 04-12-2012 - 2 years old
Angela Victoria 06-09-1996 - 18 years old (niece) 

kailu1835
by on Sep. 8, 2014 at 3:55 AM
No chance in hell.
Sydel
by Member on Sep. 8, 2014 at 9:55 AM

My dd is allowed to have a school boyfriend.  Meaning she can see him at school and that's about it. I don't allow  unsupervised or one on one dates, she is not allowed to accept jewelry or flowers, and no hand holding. Over the summer she told me she had a boyfriend. He lasted 6 weeks they only saw each other 4 times. She dumped him the 2nd day of school because she said she felt smothered. She has no interest in getting another boyfriend any time soon.

jewels.unicorn
by Member on Sep. 8, 2014 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this

 The rule is not until you are 16 in our house.

BUT, my just turned 15yo dd decided to "go out" with her friend from years ago after they found each other again through a mutual friend. There was not supposed to be alone time, it was only supposed to be supervised - he walked her home from school so they could get around that rule (he met her at the city bus stop). There was to be no kissing but the younger siblings let us know that happened a couple times too. So the rules got stricter as she kept persisting it was not a real boyfriend-girlfriend situation... but he was very sure it was.

She ended up breaking up with him after about 3-4 mos. b/c she felt too smothered - realized that maybe Mom & Dad were right, that it was a bigger responsibility than she'd anticipated and that she wasn't ready for that yet.

So she's now bumped to not being allowed to have a boyfriend until she can show better responsibility - her grades suffered from time spent with him instead of on homework and she is mortified - failed a subject she's really good at (got the award last year). She gets it now and is able to better understand why we say what we do without questioning it so much.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)