Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Massive Meltdowns *** Project Update ***

Posted by on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:01 AM
  • 18 Replies

Last week my dd and her team made an edible plant cell. She brought it home Thursday and left it in the kitchen. After 4 days my dh trashed it. At 9 pm my dd noticed it was missing. After we told her it was trashed she lost it. She was in the fetal position on the floor sobbing and shaking. I tried to reason with her that she should be focused on the solution not wallowing in self pity. She cried louder. She wouldn't speak. This went on for 30 minutes. I lost my patience and temper and told her she's wasting time crying. I pointed out that this is 100% fixable and that the sooner she calmed herself the sooner we can be out the door to get supplies. She cried for almost an hour. She cried in the groccery store! When she finally spoke she said she felt like a failure and that all her friends were counting on her and she failed. I explained that YES she could have protected the cake by communicating with us. But that she can't lose it every time this go wrong. Its almost midnight and I'm drained. Her meltdown was really scary. She didn't yell or lash out, she didn't place blame on her dad or get violent but I almost feel like her shaking in the fetal position is worst.


** When I posted this it was after a trip to the groccery store $20 worth of supplies and staying up with my emotional dd while she baked a new cell cake at 11 pm. All because the project was due on Wednesday. So she goes to school and  her teacher says they don't have to redo their cake! Apparently when they finished it LAST week. They did a video explaining the different parts and the teacher took pictures. Something my dd knew but I didn't. So all this drama and she didn't even need the cake!!!! But that one mom I had posted about before. Then one always questioning my dd's grades. She messaged me last night HOT because her ds told her the teacher said they weren't allowed to redo the cake. So she was having him make his own to bring on Wednesday (today) because she was not going to allow her son to get a 0 due to my dh's fuck up. (her words) On the flip side my dd acted like nothing had happened. I picked up her friends for school two of which are in her group. She told them with a smile "OMG my dad threw away our cake so we have to make another one. My mom and I got all the supplies" and her friends were like "Yay we get to eat more cake and candy"  I'm starting to think she's an alien...

by on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:01 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ZOMBIE.BETTY
by Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:05 AM

It sounds like she is feeling the pressure of being a teenage girl. Talk to her and see if anything else is going on with her. It sounds like stress.

atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 23, 2014 at 12:38 AM

Too much drama for me.  Sounds like a 2 year old tantrum instead of a teenage rant.  I would have acted like she didn't exist, just like I would have for a 2 year old tantrum.  When she calmed down then i would talk to her and only until then. 

Its not a bad thing to fail.  This sounds like some of the other issues you have had with her before.  Its not a bad thing to fail.  She can't handle it.  She needs to learn and that crying for an hour isn't solving the issue or dealing with the problem. 

gdiamante
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 2:38 AM

That kind of behavior would have me calling her doctor and demanding a referral for mental health services. That's WAY beyond the pale. This is a big red flag in my mind that she needs some help.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 4:32 AM

This. But - that kind of behaviour would have me calling a helpline and having someone either speak to her on the phone or come out to see her immediately. It would scare the shit out of me.

Quoting gdiamante:

That kind of behavior would have me calling her doctor and demanding a referral for mental health services. That's WAY beyond the pale. This is a big red flag in my mind that she needs some help.


Sydel
by Group Admin on Sep. 23, 2014 at 7:41 AM
I agree. I tried talking but when I saw it was pointless I sent her to her room to cry. But as we hit the 45 minute mark I went back up and tried again and forced her out the door to get supplies. I stressed that failure is a part of life and on a scale of 1 to 10 this is minor. I told her in the real world no one has an hour to waste on her dramatics. I told her she needs to accept the disappointment and work towards a solution. I gave her an example of a mess up I made at work and how I handled it immediately. I pointed out that real friends are understanding and won't hate her. I stressed if she walked into class empty handed because she couldn't get it together and fix it then they have a right to be upset. But if she walks in with a new cake and supplies and takes charge then they will be more forgiving. Plus they were the first team done. Now that they have seen what other ppl have done they have a chance to make it better.

Quoting atlmom2:

Too much drama for me.  Sounds like a 2 year old tantrum instead of a teenage rant.  I would have acted like she didn't exist, just like I would have for a 2 year old tantrum.  When she calmed down then i would talk to her and only until then. 

Its not a bad thing to fail.  This sounds like some of the other issues you have had with her before.  Its not a bad thing to fail.  She can't handle it.  She needs to learn and that crying for an hour isn't solving the issue or dealing with the problem. 

Sydel
by Group Admin on Sep. 23, 2014 at 7:48 AM
Mental health issues run in my family. I've had her evaluated and in counseling. This melt downs are rare. I think this is the second this year. Both times were over minor fixable issues. She can't control it or herself. She has only been diagnosed with anxiety but I'm prepared for her to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she gets older. There are a lot of signs..

Quoting GleekingOut:

This. But - that kind of behaviour would have me calling a helpline and having someone either speak to her on the phone or come out to see her immediately. It would scare the shit out of me.

Quoting gdiamante:

That kind of behavior would have me calling her doctor and demanding a referral for mental health services. That's WAY beyond the pale. This is a big red flag in my mind that she needs some help.

gdiamante
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 8:43 AM

Are there any additional steps you can take right now? I'd hate to think of this happening at school or in some other public place when you're not around. It might result in her being picked up by an ambulance and admitted somewhere for a psych evaluation.

Quoting Sydel: Mental health issues run in my family. I've had her evaluated and in counseling. This melt downs are rare. I think this is the second this year. Both times were over minor fixable issues. She can't control it or herself. She has only been diagnosed with anxiety but I'm prepared for her to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she gets older. There are a lot of signs..
Quoting GleekingOut:

This. But - that kind of behaviour would have me calling a helpline and having someone either speak to her on the phone or come out to see her immediately. It would scare the shit out of me.

Quoting gdiamante:

That kind of behavior would have me calling her doctor and demanding a referral for mental health services. That's WAY beyond the pale. This is a big red flag in my mind that she needs some help.



jinxmom
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 8:44 AM

I've been through this also.  My dd was dx with adhd.  Meltdowns are a classic symptom of adhd.  The stories I can tell. [sigh] My dd had the them constantly when she was younger, mainly out of frustration, not being understood and not noing how to handle their emotions.  Was adhd ruled out? Bipolar is much more intense where it could be a hours.  I'll give an example how my dd had a major meltdown when we had to give her dog away b/c we were moving to an apt that didn't except dogs.  We went to the apl dropped the dog off and went home LHM once we got home dd 15 we talked she cried like a baby to go get her dog, then my dd began to beat her head on the kitchen table and I was like Jesus this is serious, (mind you, I know and have read everything there is to no about adhd) so we go get her dog and it was like it never happened, the emotional breakdown etc.  Anyway, to make a long story short, my dd had to find a home for her dog at that point she wasn't ready to give her away but new she had to do it.  Took about a month, after 2 families had her but the third time was a charm b/c the family that took her the woman was a vet.  My dd was good.  I learned she had to let go.  hope this helped unfortunately, my dd knows she has to work on managing her anger etc b/c I can't do it for her but I can love her through it as well as continue to pray for her.  

Quoting Sydel: Mental health issues run in my family. I've had her evaluated and in counseling. This melt downs are rare. I think this is the second this year. Both times were over minor fixable issues. She can't control it or herself. She has only been diagnosed with anxiety but I'm prepared for her to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she gets older. There are a lot of signs..
Quoting GleekingOut:

This. But - that kind of behaviour would have me calling a helpline and having someone either speak to her on the phone or come out to see her immediately. It would scare the shit out of me.

Quoting gdiamante:

That kind of behavior would have me calling her doctor and demanding a referral for mental health services. That's WAY beyond the pale. This is a big red flag in my mind that she needs some help.



Sydel
by Group Admin on Sep. 23, 2014 at 8:46 AM

She had a bad day yesterday and finding out her dad threw away her project was just the cherry on top. She's been on her period for five days now, she has her first pimple, she is in trouble and has no phone or internet access at home because she as a C, the fact that she has a C is a lot for her because she's always had straight A's, the C is because she forgot her social studies folder in her locker and the teacher wouldn't let her get it and won't accept late work, She forgot her baton and parent letter at practice, and she was upset that she came in second during drills at cross country.

Quoting ZOMBIE.BETTY:

It sounds like she is feeling the pressure of being a teenage girl. Talk to her and see if anything else is going on with her. It sounds like stress.


Sydel
by Group Admin on Sep. 23, 2014 at 8:54 AM

I say bipolar disorder because that is what runs in my family. She has her highs and lows. She's incredibly intelligent, yet impulsive. Not saying that she is just saying I'm  hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. My dd has never self harmed. She just melts into a puddle. If you ignore her it could go on for 1-3 hours or until she falls asleep. If you confront her she will get mad and start to yell but it's always the same. She verbally victimizes herself, she makes statements like "I'm sorry I'm not perfect, I'm sorry I'm not the perfect dd you want. " This would make sense if I pressured her to be these things. I don't ask her to be number one I don't ask her to do as much as she does. I've actually encouraged her to STOP doing so much and constantly remind her she's just a little girl.

Quoting jinxmom:

I've been through this also.  My dd was dx with adhd.  Meltdowns are a classic symptom of adhd.  The stories I can tell. [sigh] My dd had the them constantly when she was younger, mainly out of frustration, not being understood and not noing how to handle their emotions.  Was adhd ruled out? Bipolar is much more intense where it could be a hours.  I'll give an example how my dd had a major meltdown when we had to give her dog away b/c we were moving to an apt that didn't except dogs.  We went to the apl dropped the dog off and went home LHM once we got home dd 15 we talked she cried like a baby to go get her dog, then my dd began to beat her head on the kitchen table and I was like Jesus this is serious, (mind you, I know and have read everything there is to no about adhd) so we go get her dog and it was like it never happened, the emotional breakdown etc.  Anyway, to make a long story short, my dd had to find a home for her dog at that point she wasn't ready to give her away but new she had to do it.  Took about a month, after 2 families had her but the third time was a charm b/c the family that took her the woman was a vet.  My dd was good.  I learned she had to let go.  hope this helped unfortunately, my dd knows she has to work on managing her anger etc b/c I can't do it for her but I can love her through it as well as continue to pray for her.  

Quoting Sydel: Mental health issues run in my family. I've had her evaluated and in counseling. This melt downs are rare. I think this is the second this year. Both times were over minor fixable issues. She can't control it or herself. She has only been diagnosed with anxiety but I'm prepared for her to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she gets older. There are a lot of signs..
Quoting GleekingOut:

This. But - that kind of behaviour would have me calling a helpline and having someone either speak to her on the phone or come out to see her immediately. It would scare the shit out of me.

Quoting gdiamante:

That kind of behavior would have me calling her doctor and demanding a referral for mental health services. That's WAY beyond the pale. This is a big red flag in my mind that she needs some help.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)