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so we met the boyfriend this weekend

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:48 AM
  • 14 Replies

Wow this post did not come across the way i had intended.  Thats what i get for postitng it before i had coffee.  lol  I meant the questions as a joke.   Some of it was an inside joke which no one else would get lol   teach me to post before my coffee in the morning.    Just to clarify I don't actually want him to answer any of the questions.

So my dd is dating a new guy.  they have been dating for about a month and we just met him this past sunday.  He met the whole family which had to be scary.  My dh is really scary and she's had boys never talk to her again after meeting him.  But it went kinda well.  dh actually said he likes him which I'm gonna be honest when he said that I really expected to see some pigs flying and hell freezing over.  After meeting dh and my son I decided to go easy on him and not bombard him with too many questions. But I do have a few questions for this kid.   Anyway are asking him these questions too much?


1. So I hear you are looking at Brooklyn college.  Which of the 5 schools are you really interested in? (I know he's interested in biology but he's a music student in high school and they have a performing arts school)

2.  Brooklyn College has about an average acceptance rate of 35%  which is pretty decent but i'm sure your looking into other schools as well.  What other schools?

3. Have you started the application process yet?

4. I understand you want to stay local for college. Madalyn is looking to leave the New York Area  Education is very important to her and she will go to the school that is the bet fit for her even if it means clear across the country. Do you have a problem with that?

5. Madalyn is kept busy with school activiites, volunteer activities, Tutoring, Shows and she's looking for a part time job.  Do you have a problem with her having very little time for a boyfriend?


6.  Madalyn has dietary issues that when she eats what she shouldnt it causes her alot of problems. she still chooses to try and get away with it only harming herself but she does attempt to do it.  Will you allow her to eat the things that bother her when you are out?   (which is a trick question becuase he will probably think the answer to say is no but in reality he has no say what so ever what she eats or doesnt eat. )

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:52 AM
Wayyyyyy too many questions to someone dating a month. I would never ask any of those.
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bcauseimthemom
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:56 AM
3 moms liked this

If this is an indication of how y'all interrogate the guys she dates after a month, I understand why they stop talking to your daughter.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:07 AM

Relax mama. He is a high school kid. Don't interrogate him like that. This could be over before you see him again. Chill and get to know him if you see more of him.

annie2244
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:21 AM

Yes, relax advice from me too. He's not interviewing for the job. He's just a guy your kid recently began spending time with. Do you interrogate all her new girlfriends?    What do you care where he's at with his college plans?  Way beyond polite conversation for someone you've just met who your kid has only recently been spending time with.

Your concern is her thinking process, never the guy's. If she has her head on straight, she'll choose the right people to hang out with, she'll have the right priorities for what to do with her time and her future.  Over time, in natural conversations you have with her, you can learn alot about who she spends time with, and what she thinks about their choices and her own choices.

My husband settled halfway across the country because, although he loves her dearly, his mother is way too involved in his life. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
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Sounds like you are too helicopter mom. Let your daughter make her own choices.
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gkamom
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:19 AM

I agree with most of the posts. It's really up to him and his parents about school. As much as you want to make sure that the person she decides to spend her life with will be able to contribute to the lifestyle she wants, it really is not your business right now.

When my daughter was in high school and we had the talk about safe sex, I told her that she was not going find the person she wanted to spend the rest or her life with in high school or even college.

I truly believe that dating in high school is just "practice". Even in college, they are not really looking for the person they want to spend their life with.

I would cool off and just see how things go. Ultimately, it is your daughter's decision. At this stage you can scare them off, but eventually you have to trust that you brought your daughter up right and taught her everything she needs to know.

My daughter is 22 years old and 6 weeks from graduating (yeah!). She has dated a lot of guys, but she went into the relationships knowing that what her life goals are. There have been a few guys she really liked, but she knew that there was a possiblity that they were headed in different directions (both in distance and life goals), so the relationships never went very far.

This summer she met a baseball player. He was playing AAA ball in the next town over. So for a month, she came home from school every weekend and went to his games. After the games, they would go out for a drinkor something to eat. At first she brought a friend along, but after a couple weeks she went by herself. One saturday she came home at 5am. So I asked her why she was gone so long. They had been up all night talking. We talked about all concerns I might have and she told me that first off she asked him a list of questions like does he smoke or do any drugs. He's back down in Tamps Bay area since the season ended. He's visited her at least once near us and asked her to come visit him, but right now it's basically a telephone relationship.

In January she will be moving to Orlando. Not because of him, because she already has a job. So once she's down there they'll have about 3 months until baseball starts and his job takes priority.

Having said all that, I did go one line and read everything there was about him. I also checked face book and twitter. He signed with the Seattle franchise right out of school. I wish he would have gone to Auburn (he had a scholarship there) instead and then enter the draft. However, I'm not his parent and I don't know what the situation was so I have no right to disapprove. Ultimately, what they do is not up to me, its up to them.

The point is that this stuff happens and until they're out of college none of it matters.


As far as the food issue goes, instead of interogating (I know that's spelled wrong) him using a trick question I would pull him aside and explain the issues she has and ask him if would please try to prevent her from eating foods that causes her problems. If she is the state where he has lots of influence or she's trying to impress him, he may be able to stop her from eating those foods.


atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:34 AM
Well dh and I started dating at 18 and 19. Married 30 years. Dd is 20, almost 21 and getting engaged. They have dated since they were 17 and 18. Most of dh's siblings met in college and are married 25 to 30 years. My best friend was 18 when she married and her dh barely 20. They have been married 35 Years. People many many times meet who they marry in HS and especially college. Still no interrogating is necessary.

Quoting gkamom:

I agree with most of the posts. It's really up to him and his parents about school. As much as you want to make sure that the person she decides to spend her life with will be able to contribute to the lifestyle she wants, it really is not your business right now.

When my daughter was in high school and we had the talk about safe sex, I told her that she was not going find the person she wanted to spend the rest or her life with in high school or even college.

I truly believe that dating in high school is just "practice". Even in college, they are not really looking for the person they want to spend their life with.

I would cool off and just see how things go. Ultimately, it is your daughter's decision. At this stage you can scare them off, but eventually you have to trust that you brought your daughter up right and taught her everything she needs to know.

My daughter is 22 years old and 6 weeks from graduating (yeah!). She has dated a lot of guys, but she went into the relationships knowing that what her life goals are. There have been a few guys she really liked, but she knew that there was a possiblity that they were headed in different directions (both in distance and life goals), so the relationships never went very far.

This summer she met a baseball player. He was playing AAA ball in the next town over. So for a month, she came home from school every weekend and went to his games. After the games, they would go out for a drinkor something to eat. At first she brought a friend along, but after a couple weeks she went by herself. One saturday she came home at 5am. So I asked her why she was gone so long. They had been up all night talking. We talked about all concerns I might have and she told me that first off she asked him a list of questions like does he smoke or do any drugs. He's back down in Tamps Bay area since the season ended. He's visited her at least once near us and asked her to come visit him, but right now it's basically a telephone relationship.

In January she will be moving to Orlando. Not because of him, because she already has a job. So once she's down there they'll have about 3 months until baseball starts and his job takes priority.

Having said all that, I did go one line and read everything there was about him. I also checked face book and twitter. He signed with the Seattle franchise right out of school. I wish he would have gone to Auburn (he had a scholarship there) instead and then enter the draft. However, I'm not his parent and I don't know what the situation was so I have no right to disapprove. Ultimately, what they do is not up to me, its up to them.

The point is that this stuff happens and until they're out of college none of it matters.

As far as the food issue goes, instead of interogating (I know that's spelled wrong) him using a trick question I would pull him aside and explain the issues she has and ask him if would please try to prevent her from eating foods that causes her problems. If she is the state where he has lots of influence or she's trying to impress him, he may be able to stop her from eating those foods.

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Sydel
by Group Admin on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:15 PM


Sydel
by Group Admin on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:25 PM

I agree. Even before I was in Helicopter Recovery I would never have thought to ask any of those questions. It's very intrusive. I like to think that my dd's future husband isn't even in Ohio. I tell her that. She thinks she will meet him either in college, at an internship, at the San Diego Comic Con, or doing volunteer work overseas. Of course she's only 13 right now lol.

But seriously she has two cousins that made very poor choices for another person who left them high and dry. My little cousin unenrolled herself out of college because her girlfriend told her she'd break up with her if she went away. So my cousin unenrolled in July the girl dumped her in August. My cousin called the University trying to go back and they explained to her that it doesn't work that way. She now had to wait and apply for a different semester. I have another cousin that turned down an athletic scholarship to a Divison I college to be with a girl. She cheated on him and left him after a year. DD and I use these as examples as to why you should focus on your goals and not let someone else get in the way. I told her if she meets someone she feels strongly for then they will have to find a compromise. If someone loves you they want you to do well and they should be your biggest supportors. Not try to hold you back or give ultimatiums. As I said she's only 13 but we will continue to talk. She's also in a stepping up to sucess program that talks about goal setting and peer preassure. She has some good mentors. We shall see what the future holds.

Dang it got off track. Again don't agree with the questions. Not after one month. That's cray cray. Even for me.

Quoting atlmom2: Sounds like you are too helicopter mom. Let your daughter make her own choices.


atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you. Also my dd and her boyfriend neither one held each other back. She is a junior at U of Dayton and he is a marine in Georgia.

Quoting Sydel:

I agree. Even before I was in Helicopter Recovery I would never have thought to ask any of those questions. It's very intrusive. I like to think that my dd's future husband isn't even in Ohio. I tell her that. She thinks she will meet him either in college, at an internship, at the San Diego Comic Con, or doing volunteer work overseas. Of course she's only 13 right now lol.

But seriously she has two cousins that made very poor choices for another person who left them high and dry. My little cousin unenrolled herself out of college because her girlfriend told her she'd break up with her if she went away. So my cousin unenrolled in July the girl dumped her in August. My cousin called the University trying to go back and they explained to her that it doesn't work that way. She now had to wait and apply for a different semester. I have another cousin that turned down an athletic scholarship to a Divison I college to be with a girl. She cheated on him and left him after a year. DD and I use these as examples as to why you should focus on your goals and not let someone else get in the way. I told her if she meets someone she feels strongly for then they will have to find a compromise. If someone loves you they want you to do well and they should be your biggest supportors. Not try to hold you back or give ultimatiums. As I said she's only 13 but we will continue to talk. She's also in a stepping up to sucess program that talks about goal setting and peer preassure. She has some good mentors. We shall see what the future holds.

Dang it got off track. Again don't agree with the questions. Not after one month. That's cray cray. Even for me.

Quoting atlmom2: Sounds like you are too helicopter mom. Let your daughter make her own choices.

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