Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Freshman girl- bad grades and performance

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 2:18 PM
  • 16 Replies

My daughter is a freshman and is currently failing two classes and getting a D in another. I have already taken away the Iphone and the TV from her room. I have tried to work with her on a study plan but it seems the more I try and get involved, the more she resists and says she wants to do it on her own and my involvement is only making it worse.

I have stopped short of grounding her because I thought taking away the distractions was enough to get her to work harder in school and I wanted to save grounding for something other than what seems to be disorganization. I feel like she is just accepting the lack of privileges and continues to do poorly. Its been going on three weeks without these privileges and I just received another phone call from a teacher that she is still not coming prepared and is talking in class. For the most part, she is a good girl. She babysits on a regular basis and has a good heart. She seems mature in all other respects but her lack of effort in school says otherwise I know.

Does anyone have any experience with this and suggestions for ways to improve this situation? I am honestly at my wit's end!

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 2:18 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Group Admin on Nov. 4, 2014 at 3:17 PM

Does she have other issues going on at school? Has her social life changed recently. Gotten more or less active? I would have grounded her immediately. Maybe this goes deeper then her not wanting to work. She could be suffering from depression. I would take her to talk to someone. Maybe discuss if the school enviroment is the best for her. I am a huge fan of K-12 online learning. I know as a teen I had a year where I felt like I was in a fog. I'm 30 now and can't explain why.

by Susie on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:42 PM
Get a conference with the teachers your daughter and you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 5:39 PM


Quoting atlmom2: Get a conference with the teachers your daughter and you.

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 6:36 PM

Thanks for the feedback. I emailed the guidance counselor to set something up. I am just curious to see what other parents do in this situation. Do you strip them of all their privileges or does that just compound the situation? I am starting to realize that there is no easy answer to this. Every kid is different and what works for some doesn't work for others.

by on Nov. 5, 2014 at 1:48 AM
1 mom liked this

Freshman year is a lot of change. Many kids have a really difficult time making the transition to high school. I'd definitely talk to a guidance counselor about coping techniques as well as helping her get on track by using planners, etc.

i would also ground her. The truth is, she may have a hard transition, but 2 f's and a d aren't just a lack of organization. She needs firm guidance or she will continue to fail. Have the talk with the counselor, then talk to her. Set your expectations and hers and ground her until her grades are an acceptable level. 

by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 4:47 AM

Yes, I'm afraid the grounding is needed here. And a talk with the guidance counselor is also in order, to help with the organizational skills.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 7:47 AM
1 mom liked this

How does she explain her failing grades?  Is she saying that work is tough, teachers unfair?  How is she planning to deal with this on her own?  I would just listen to what she says, and give her time to see how her plan works.  If after that time, she is still not performing, than another conversation is in order.  It's true, she might be depressed, or she might try to fit into the new environment (hence the talking).  Of course, teacher, guidance counselor conference with your daughter is in order, but first I would listen to her.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

What I saw in first year of high school (last year) with my now sophmore dd is it was such a drastic change from middle school.  It is so much harder academically plus being a freshman is so different socially.  Freshman are looked at as 'lower' in some schools but maybe that's not an issue in your school, just some.  It's just a transition is what I am saying.  So... much more homework & testing than in middle school. Have you talked with her? Is she a really good student overall in the past?  If not maybe a change in her learning even a learning disorder or she needs extra help understanding material, etc or studying.  Good that you have an appt with the school counselor. Keep us posted about how that goes.

by on Nov. 6, 2014 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Not a fan of totally taking stuff away. Yes I agree with discipline but we live in a distracted world, she needs to learn to study with those distractions.

That said limiting their use is a good idea,even if grades are good!
by Member on Nov. 7, 2014 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I have learning disabilty and it hard for me to help both of girls who in hs. I made them take study hall so if they need help that they had a teacher who can help them. I told them just one class as study hall. My girls school year apart. My youngest was in speech and language elem thru middle school she reach her goal in 8th grade. But she have anxiety and depression and mood disorder so she is in 504 plan which she is in regualr classes but with 2 teacher. She shock me she had good grade in freshman. My oldest was struggling with school so I keep telling her she need to get her grade up tease her if she fail she will be in same classes as her sister. Today my youngest told me she almost failing in classes is going to talk to her princple who is the one who she is to talk to when she is struggling. She is working hard on her grade. She go in early at school and go to teacher even use her lunch time to catch up. That is same way as my oldest also they ask their teacher for extra credit.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)