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Would You Have Proactively Called? Would You Want Someone To Call You?

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:46 PM
  • 21 Replies

November 15th was my dd's birthday party. She had a sleepover with about 10 girls. November 21st (last Friday) my dd stayed the night at one of the girl's houses who lives two doors down from my Avon lady. Since I saw my lady's car in the driveway I stopped by to give her my order and chat. The mom told me that her dd and the one I dropped my dd off at, were no longer friends because L had called A a lesbian.

She said that her dd might be bi-curious and has admitted to looking at and liking girls but it's no reason for someone to call her a lesbian. Then she asked me if my dd had ever said anything about her dd (A) being bi or a lesbian. I told her no but that her dd did kiss another girl at my dd's party in front of everyone. 

My friend got incredibly quiet and became visably upset. She demanded to know why I didn't tell her sooner or call her. I honestly don't have an answer. I didn't think it that big of a deal. I told the girls no kissing. I am very pro side hugs. So when I was told that the girls had kissed I just made an announcement no kissing and or front hugs. Everyone laughed and life went on.

I had honestly forgotten about it until this conversation. I apologized to my friend for not calling her. She said it was fine and said that she's not surprised that this isn't the first time her dd had kissed a girl she just had not realized she had done it publically. I changed the subject and completed my visit after about 15 minutes.

So this has been eating at me a little. Should I have called the mom? What if the girl had kissed a boy? Is it my place to tell the other parent? Would I want another parent to tell me my dd kissed someone? I don't know how I would feel if I had been told or not told. Am I a horrible person for not calling my friend?



by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
gdiamante
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 5:24 PM

Nope. Not horrible. I wouldn't have thought to call either. Nor would I have expected to be called.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 5:48 PM
Nope. I wouldn't have thought to call. It's a teen party, even at 13. Kissing does happen and they are curious. Now if it hadve been more than a kiss then I would have said something.
Jessiejack
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 8:31 PM

No I would not have called. It's not that big of a deal. 

sahlady
by Gold Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:06 PM

it would not have occurred to me to call the mom

annie2244
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:57 PM

I wouldn't have called the mom and I would have regretted teliing her if I had. If she thinks she deserved to be told, then it's pretty likely she thinks this is a terrible, troubling fact, which cant bode well for how she is going to interact with her daughter about this, her daughter is likely going to be dealing with this with her mother for years,poor thing.

I might have mentioned it because it was novel and sortof gossippy, but only if I had thought the mom would have been cool about it. It I had thought she would freak I would absolutely not have mentioned it, and regardless of whether she freaked or not, I would have regretted saying anything, because it is just gossipping, not respectful of the daughter as someone who, if she's not doing something harmful to herself or others, deserves to have her privacy respected, her non-harmful actions not gossipped over between her mom and her friend's mom.  

It's also more likely that it gets mentioned because it was a same-sex kiss, the whole tantalizing shock value, always fodder for hard to resist gossip-participation, which is just so regrettably based in prejudice and although times are a changing and we all like to think we are so evolved and modern, our inability to prevent ourselves from gossipping about it reveals we've got a long way to go

So she kissed a girl, or a guy. She's a teenager who has crushes and is exploring who she is. Hopefully, she'll be able to do things like kissing without the village informing her mother going forward.   If not, the nice thing about figuring out who you are and realizing your parents are not cool with you not being a clone of them, is that 18 is not that far off, and you can get the heck away from them.

cybcm
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2014 at 12:15 AM

No, you are not the kissing police and it's not fair of this lady to think you should be.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2014 at 3:02 AM
Question though - why are you pro side hugs? What's wrong with normal hugs between friends?
cybcm
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2014 at 3:36 AM

I thought that was just some weird Duggar fad, seeing as they are big on side-hugs and had two girls get married recently.

Sydel
by Group Admin on Nov. 25, 2014 at 7:35 AM
I had no idea she was going to react the way she did. She was practically laughing when she said A might be bicurious. I told her because she asked if my dd had said anything and I remembered the kiss sp I said it. It wasn't well thought out or meant to be gossip. I hadn't told anyone. I just mentioned it cause we were talking about her dd's sexual orientation and it was her dd. I felt bad immediately.

Quoting annie2244:

I wouldn't have called the mom and I would have regretted teliing her if I had. If she thinks she deserved to be told, then it's pretty likely she thinks this is a terrible, troubling fact, which cant bode well for how she is going to interact with her daughter about this, her daughter is likely going to be dealing with this with her mother for years,poor thing.

I might have mentioned it because it was novel and sortof gossippy, but only if I had thought the mom would have been cool about it. It I had thought she would freak I would absolutely not have mentioned it, and regardless of whether she freaked or not, I would have regretted saying anything, because it is just gossipping, not respectful of the daughter as someone who, if she's not doing something harmful to herself or others, deserves to have her privacy respected, her non-harmful actions not gossipped over between her mom and her friend's mom.  

It's also more likely that it gets mentioned because it was a same-sex kiss, the whole tantalizing shock value, always fodder for hard to resist gossip-participation, which is just so regrettably based in prejudice and although times are a changing and we all like to think we are so evolved and modern, our inability to prevent ourselves from gossipping about it reveals we've got a long way to go

So she kissed a girl, or a guy. She's a teenager who has crushes and is exploring who she is. Hopefully, she'll be able to do things like kissing without the village informing her mother going forward.   If not, the nice thing about figuring out who you are and realizing your parents are not cool with you not being a clone of them, is that 18 is not that far off, and you can get the heck away from them.

Sydel
by Group Admin on Nov. 25, 2014 at 7:40 AM
Nothing is wrong with normal hugs. My dd's best friend is a boy and hes really short. So when girls hug him their boobs are in his face. So his mom and I agreed side hugs were best. Also at this age they are already akward and uncomfortable touching. Side hugs just seem less intimidating. My dd gave a boy a side hug and he told his mom it was a HUGE hug lol. I'm not uber christian or banning front hugs till marriage. But my dd ptefers the side hug so I encourage it. Every time I say it the kids get a good laugh.

Quoting GleekingOut: Question though - why are you pro side hugs? What's wrong with normal hugs between friends?
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