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fake people

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 5:30 PM
  • 10 Replies

Our oldest (my SD) is almost 14. She was talking at supper about how she doesn't like fake people. How she has pushed a couple friends away because it turns out they are too fake. 

DH says you know two of the fakest people I know are your grandmothers(dh's mother & BM's mother). 

I shook my head and mouthed wtf are you doing? 

dd(sd) responded well I don't care I love them even if you think they're fake. 

How do I discuss this with her to let her know her dad was a little out of line.

what do I say to dh?

he told dd(sd)  about a month ago that if her moms electricity got shut off, he would go to court to get rid of the joint custody and she would live with us. 

i honestly don't know what he is thinking. 

help, please.

I don't really see this as a step issue, its more like a teen parenting issue. That's why I posted it here. 

by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 5:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:15 PM

Well there are a lot of fake people out there that is for sure and a ton of fake teens.  Maybe your kid is really in tune and sees through people.  Now, your dh was probably out of line but maybe they really are fake.  I can't say from her your post obviously.  

weaveress
by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:40 PM


Quoting atlmom2:

Well there are a lot of fake people out there that is for sure and a ton of fake teens.  Maybe your kid is really in tune and sees through people.  Now, your dh was probably out of line but maybe they really are fake.  I can't say from her your post obviously.  

oh. yeah i would define them both as fake. two faced kind of people. that was besides the point to me anyway. these are people she loves. 

iwashere
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 7:43 PM

Yeah, he may see that and want her to see it too before she is hurt by them. the problem is, she doesn't see them that way and she loves them. Maybe that's what you have to explain to DH. It also sounds like maybe DH has had it up to his eyeballs with them and is warning your SD that things are going to change? Either way, the two of you need to disucuss it and be on the same page because I guarantee you the SD is is probably going to one or both with questions.

DramaFreeMookie
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 8:15 PM

That's tough. If my husband were to say something like this I'd have a discussion with him how that's not his place and that children dont have a place within adult conversations. Which is essentially what he put her in. He should never speak ill of other family members in front of his children. Then I'd make HIM go talk to her (not you). I'd tell him he should apologize and that sometimes grown ups stick their foot in their mouths. And then hug her.

Sydel
by Group Admin on Mar. 5, 2015 at 9:10 AM
2 moms liked this

I grew up with two very honest parents. This is something my father would have said to me. It sounds like her mom is irresponsible and the grandparents are in fact fake and two faced.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with what he said if what he said was true. But I would have immediately responded that this is his opinion from his experiences. And that I'm glad she loves her grandmothers because her relationship with them is her own and that she has a right to her own opinion seperate from her father's.

SugarMamaO76
by on Mar. 5, 2015 at 9:12 AM

The wonderful thing about children is you can tell them things all you want. They won't believ it unless they experience it themself. I would just tell her that Her daddy has issues w them and maybe to HIM they are fake, but that is adult problems and he should have NEVER said something so crass. YOU NEVER trash talk a child's other parent, even if they are on death row. They all grow up eventually to see the truth for themelf.

pdxmum
by Bronze Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 5:38 AM
1 mom liked this
This isn't a teen issue at all. It is a DH issue. A 14 year old is supposed to make grand statements that mean nothing. Not a grown man.
Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2015 at 7:56 PM

I would probably pull hubby aside and share that this is a 14 year old child, who will figure things out for herself as time goes on, but will always love her parents and grandparents.  She will look over flaws because of that love.  And hubby those comments will only make life more difficult for her and hurt her, which I seriously doubt is your intention.  Harsh and hurtful words, though true, will not change the fake people she loves, but will only hurt her.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2015 at 4:10 PM
By 14, the courts give a child say in where they live so this is very much an appropriate discussion to be had between your DH and his DD. It was NOT the best way to approach it however.

In many cultures, teens are married, working and living on their own. That doesn't mean we need to lay everything on our teens, but remember they can and do think for themselves and honesty and being upfront with them is important. We shouldn't hide reality.

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2015 at 1:24 PM

Very good response!  

While we should be honest with our kids, I probably would have only been honest about the grandparents if they had come up in conversation.  I don't know that I would have just blurted it out like that.  To me that's no different than a divorced parent out right telling their child what a loser they have in the other parent.  There are ways of saying things without actually saying them.  KWIM......

Quoting Sydel:

I personally wouldn't have an issue with what he said if what he said was true. "But I would have immediately responded that this is his opinion from his experiences. And that I'm glad she loves her grandmothers because her relationship with them is her own and that she has a right to her own opinion seperate from her father's."


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