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Band Banquet and Bad Sportsmanship

Posted by on May. 5, 2015 at 8:55 AM
  • 10 Replies

Was that me who was posted about how my dd handled her twirl drop well. How my dd smiled and congratulated her team mates and kept her emotions in check??

Must not have been because MY dd freaked the hell out last night over not winning the director's award in band. Only two 7th graders received said award. She believed with all her heart that she was going to win it. And when she didn't she gave a resting bitch face that would scare small children and animals. She smiled and clapped for her friend who won it. But other than her resting bitch face she sat for two hours and clapped for each high schooler and senior. But you could tell her smile was fake. I wish I could find a meme to show how fake and salty she was.

Once we got into the car she started up.

"Mom after listening to all the high schoolers speak I've come to the conclusion I will never be good enough. I will never win any musical awards. K won because everyone loves her and she's nice. She's always happy and outgoing. She has a bunch of friends. I'm just not like that. I don't like people. I don't like to smile it hurts and I will never be the student that Mr. K says made a difference"

I told her to stop being dramatic and victimizing herself. I told her she needs to be more positive. I swear she has been channeling Wednesday Addams every since she started middle school. I feel like she tries to be all dark and gloomy YET she's not. She is always smiling. All her teachers love her. She does have friends. So why the constant victimizing and negativity? GRRRR



by on May. 5, 2015 at 8:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Maime13
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 9:44 AM

It sounds to me like she puts way to much pressure on herself. I hate to say it, but if it's starting this young I'd be concerned about a nuclear meltdown at some point during high school when there is actual pressure being put upon her from outside forces.


Sydel
by Group Admin on May. 5, 2015 at 10:04 AM

I agree. I noticed it more last year when she moved to the gifted school. She had to accept that she's no longer a big fish in a little pond. I have encourgaged her to quit a few things so she isn't spreading herself too thin.

Quoting Maime13:

It sounds to me like she puts way to much pressure on herself. I hate to say it, but if it's starting this young I'd be concerned about a nuclear meltdown at some point during high school when there is actual pressure being put upon her from outside forces.



Msgme
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2015 at 5:09 PM
I wish I had done something about my dd when she was younger. In 2nd grade she had a meltdown when she didn't win any end of the year awards. She was only 7 at the time. She had won student of the month every month with the exception of one due to being absent a few days with scarlet fever. She also won student of the week every week but one. The teacher held vocab and math comps every week and she came in first. But the teacher gave all of the end of the year awards to two other students. It was a big award ceremony with parents in attendance. Her first reaction was why should I bother trying if I'm never gonna be good enough. That however didn't last long and she decided it was never going to happen again. She now puts way to much pressure on herself. In high school she started to over load her schedule. The initial plan was to graduate early. Which she would of been done after 1st term of junior year. Since they don't allow it she will graduate with the most credits any senior has graduated with. It's taken its toll on her physically and mentally. She has had pneumonia twice in 2 years. Hospitalized once She has issues keeping weight on.as well as other diet issues. Almost no social life.
atlmom2
by Susie on May. 5, 2015 at 5:21 PM

Most don't win awards.  Its the losing and how we deal with it that makes us a better person.  She does sound way too hard on herself.  

proudmother5946
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2015 at 9:07 PM
My daughter had a melt down at her track meet last week. I told her to go in the bathroom and cry. She composed herself and enjoyed the rest of the meet.
She puts too much pressure on herself too.
She has her melt downs and picks herself back up though. I want to smack her in the head once in a while though.

Sydel
by Group Admin on May. 6, 2015 at 8:57 AM

That is crazy. But what can you do? How do you fix it when it's a personality thing? Sasha's competitive nature and need to be the best started as young as 3 in preschool.  I took her  to counseling when she was younger (4-5th grade) because she was so high strung. They did cognitive behavioral thearpy. It helped for a while and sometimes I see her doing excersises.  But not often.  I would like to get her back into counseling maybe just 1-2x a month. But she's fighting me. My mom is schizophrenic and bipolar so in her mind if she has to see a counselor that means she's mentally ill like her meema.

Quoting Msgme: I wish I had done something about my dd when she was younger. In 2nd grade she had a meltdown when she didn't win any end of the year awards. She was only 7 at the time. She had won student of the month every month with the exception of one due to being absent a few days with scarlet fever. She also won student of the week every week but one. The teacher held vocab and math comps every week and she came in first. But the teacher gave all of the end of the year awards to two other students. It was a big award ceremony with parents in attendance. Her first reaction was why should I bother trying if I'm never gonna be good enough. That however didn't last long and she decided it was never going to happen again. She now puts way to much pressure on herself. In high school she started to over load her schedule. The initial plan was to graduate early. Which she would of been done after 1st term of junior year. Since they don't allow it she will graduate with the most credits any senior has graduated with. It's taken its toll on her physically and mentally. She has had pneumonia twice in 2 years. Hospitalized once She has issues keeping weight on.as well as other diet issues. Almost no social life.


Sydel
by Group Admin on May. 6, 2015 at 9:04 AM

Sasha had a melt down at her last summer league swim champs. She went from 2nd place to 5th in a matter of a mili-second. She got out and cried and refused to finish the rest of the meet. It was a hot mess.

She pretty much threw away her other two events and was shocked when they gave her a damn 3rd place plaque for the event she was upset about because the other two girls in front of her DQ'd.

I seriously wanted to shake her. I am so glad my 7 year old is not competitive. She just does her thing and whatever makes her happy.  These kids don't realize it's their mind set that hurts them.

Quoting proudmother5946: My daughter had a melt down at her track meet last week. I told her to go in the bathroom and cry. She composed herself and enjoyed the rest of the meet. She puts too much pressure on herself too. She has her melt downs and picks herself back up though. I want to smack her in the head once in a while though.


Msgme
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2015 at 9:18 AM

i thank goodness she's not in sports.  it would be way to much for her if she was.  her school decided to get a vollyball team this year and she wanted to join.  i kept forgetting to sign the slip until after the deadline.  it was sort of on purpose. i've made a few adjustments. i no longer check her grades online. knowing i could and did look just added to the pressure. so i wait for report cards for her. my son however i'm on their cpl times a week. lol

an example of her over the top have to be the best.  She directed her first show last year.  the show she was given had a cpl of suicides.  two of the charactors shoot themselves.  she had a gun brought in as a prop. it was an airsoft gun but still.  She also had movie blood brought in  my brother went  to school for special effects and she had it set up with tubing that when they shot themselves blood would splatter it would of reached the audience.  She was almost suspended. 

Quoting Sydel:

That is crazy. But what can you do? How do you fix it when it's a personality thing? Sasha's competitive nature and need to be the best started as young as 3 in preschool.  I took her  to counseling when she was younger (4-5th grade) because she was so high strung. They did cognitive behavioral thearpy. It helped for a while and sometimes I see her doing excersises.  But not often.  I would like to get her back into counseling maybe just 1-2x a month. But she's fighting me. My mom is schizophrenic and bipolar so in her mind if she has to see a counselor that means she's mentally ill like her meema.

Quoting Msgme: I wish I had done something about my dd when she was younger. In 2nd grade she had a meltdown when she didn't win any end of the year awards. She was only 7 at the time. She had won student of the month every month with the exception of one due to being absent a few days with scarlet fever. She also won student of the week every week but one. The teacher held vocab and math comps every week and she came in first. But the teacher gave all of the end of the year awards to two other students. It was a big award ceremony with parents in attendance. Her first reaction was why should I bother trying if I'm never gonna be good enough. That however didn't last long and she decided it was never going to happen again. She now puts way to much pressure on herself. In high school she started to over load her schedule. The initial plan was to graduate early. Which she would of been done after 1st term of junior year. Since they don't allow it she will graduate with the most credits any senior has graduated with. It's taken its toll on her physically and mentally. She has had pneumonia twice in 2 years. Hospitalized once She has issues keeping weight on.as well as other diet issues. Almost no social life.



booscomputer
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2015 at 12:28 PM

We all get mad when we are not recognized for our accomplishments.  Let her vent to you because you're safe -- sounds like she put on the appropriate face and held it together when it mattered.  I think it's great that she was willing to tell you how she really felt.  

Sydel
by Group Admin on May. 6, 2015 at 12:38 PM

Maybe I just wish she didn't tell me how she felt so often. LOL

This is the best meme I could find to describe her face. It's funny now but seriously at the time I was like OMG I pray no one noticed her. She held this for 2 hours and when she clapped it was a slow clap. It was a this is the right thing to do and I'm going to do it but I don't have to be happy about it clap LOL  Also she did some loud sighing everytime she adjusted herself.

I think my issue is I was sitting directly across from her. We were facing each other so I was more focused on her than the actual banquet. I think I need to NOT be so caught up with her. I'm sitting elsewhere at the orchestra banquet next week LOL



Quoting booscomputer:

We all get mad when we are not recognized for our accomplishments.  Let her vent to you because you're safe -- sounds like she put on the appropriate face and held it together when it mattered.  I think it's great that she was willing to tell you how she really felt.  


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