Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

When it comes to my kids....

Posted by on Sep. 25, 2015 at 11:59 AM
  • 8 Replies
....I am an emotional basket case.

Just thought of them having problems, scared or upset, makes want to cry. I sometimes feel so helpless the older they get.

I know how sensitive I am and how guilty I feel sometimes that I didn't do enough I didn't teach them what they need to know.

The doubts of whether I did the right things or didn't love them enough.

Aagh....there I go again....having the mommy doubts....please tell I am not the only one struggling with a teen and almost teen....the struggle is all emotional.
by on Sep. 25, 2015 at 11:59 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 25, 2015 at 12:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Have you thought of help, counseling.  You sound a little too involved and sensitive and over the top with your emotions.  I was never that way with my kids.  Of course sometimes, but not that much.  I never really felt that guilty?  What are your specifics.  You will never survive the teen years with your feelings.  I have survived it already.  You have to start thinking of the future and not the past.  

Maime13
by Silver Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 12:26 PM

It's pretty normal to feel more helpless as they get older because you can't fix their problems in the way you could when they were young. However, this is the part where you get to feel proud because you have raised capable and responsible children whom you trust to make good decisions. 

They are going to have hardships and sometimes some really rotten things are going to happen. All you can do is what you've always done, keep loving them and supporting them in whatever way they want. 

I tend to agree with atlmom that this sounds like more than normal Mom worries. 

KenneMaw
by Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 12:45 PM
2 moms liked this

I think you are normal.  We made the decision to homeschool our middle schooler 2 years ago and I still worry if that was the right decision....even though she has blossomed by not being in public school.    We all are concerned, but we shouldn't put that worry onto our kids.  We don't want to teach them to be worriers.   Our job is teach them to be independent and how to handle life's curve balls.  We cannot and should not fix everything.   Just be there for them and help them make good decisions.  Don't make them fear coming to you and making you all upset.

 

Sydel
by Group Admin on Sep. 25, 2015 at 12:54 PM
3 moms liked this

I over analyze anything. So yes I am very familiar with feeling sad, scared, and sick with worry. My dd has been having a really rough time this year. I literally told her this week that I can't make her choices for her, I can't protect her or fix everything. But I'm here to support her through both the good and the bad.

iwashere
by on Sep. 25, 2015 at 5:52 PM
3 moms liked this

You are entering the hardest time as a parent because it's the time that we let go. It's the time we see if we totally screwed up and if a miracle happened and we did everything right. And don't let anyone ever tell you that the teen years are easy. They are not. Remember the awful years when you never got to sleep and had to touch other people's poop? Yeah. The baby years. Those were child's play compared to what you are in for now.

But it's so worth it. Because you see the adults they are becoming. And in all honesty, after you get through all the arguments and stress, the relationship with your kids changes into something very cool.

So wipe away the tears, find a hobby - because as they become more independent you are going to need something to do (LOL) and watch them grow.

wittner9803
by Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I have taught my daughters that they will have problems they have to fix and all I can do is let them use my shoulders to cry on. Both of daughters have faced bullies at school and friend issues....they have both solved those problems.

For myself....I have days where I doubt my mothering skills, and I am facing an empty nest in a few years. I am a stay at home mom, so my whole life has been them. So, every now and then I get sad thinking about it, and yes I would like to fight their battles for them and solve their problems, but I don't. I love watching them grow into beautiful, strong independent young women, I am proud that they know how to stand up for themselves. I know I have taught them well and the best I could.

I just wanted to know if I was the only one that has days like that....and to remind myself that I don't have to know everything and that every age they go through I have to learn all over again. Because honestly I don't know what I am doing sometimes😤😕😱☺
wittner9803
by Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 5:59 PM
2 moms liked this
Thank you so much!!!

That is exactly what my mother in law said earlier today.....

I have done some deep thinking and that is exactly what has been wrong with me lately. I see them both growing up so fast and not needing me as much as they used too. I love it, but at the same time it's a little sad.

Thank you again!!😊


Quoting iwashere:

You are entering the hardest time as a parent because it's the time that we let go. It's the time we see if we totally screwed up and if a miracle happened and we did everything right. And don't let anyone ever tell you that the teen years are easy. They are not. Remember the awful years when you never got to sleep and had to touch other people's poop? Yeah. The baby years. Those were child's play compared to what you are in for now.

But it's so worth it. Because you see the adults they are becoming. And in all honesty, after you get through all the arguments and stress, the relationship with your kids changes into something very cool.

So wipe away the tears, find a hobby - because as they become more independent you are going to need something to do (LOL) and watch them grow.

gdiamante
by Silver Member on Sep. 26, 2015 at 12:39 AM

The smart mom knows she WILL make mistakes. Lots of them. But all of us can only do our best.

The smart mom also knows her kids will learn MANY lessons from someone other than her. You can only teach what you do know. The most important lessons for all of us come from the School of Experience. It's a pretty tough curriculum but also the best damned school there is.. forget Harvard and Princeton.

You can't fix their problems when they get older. Nor should you. They need those degrees from the School of Life.

If you're really having trouble letting go, then counseling is in order. But know that EVERY MOTHER ON EARTH doubts herself at some point. And usually that point comes around or after the 13th birthday!

EDITED TO ADD: And you've stumbled across the greatest hazard of being a SAHM... when they no longer need you. My own SAHM got a job when I was 12. Think about the possibility of going to work or picking up a hobby that gets you out of the house.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)