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Friends With Benefits - What Does It Mean??

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:46 PM
  • 17 Replies

How would you feel if you came across a note to your son and the girl refers to their relationship as friends with benefits. She also proceeds to tell him she will NEVER break up with her boyfriend because he's more socially acceptable.

by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sydel
by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:50 PM

If I had a son and I came across this note we would have to have a long talk. I would want to address that whatever benefits this girl is giving he is worth more than second place. That she is obviously using him for fun and excitement and not taking his feelings into consideration.

Then we would have to have another conversation by what she means by benefits and address safe sex and house rules. And how sex complicates things.

Last but not least depending on the age of said teens. I may reach out to her parent and let them know that their dd is a slut... Oh wait I wouldn't say slut. But I would definitely want to make them aware of her behavior. If she was older I wouldn't reach out to the parents but the next time she calls or comes over my home I would probably have some choice words for her about her desire to use my son as her secret side piece.

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:54 PM

Friends with benefits means sex and no attachment.  I think its awful for teens or anyone but that is just me.  I would have never had sex with just anyone to have sex.  Many now say its great to be free to do whatever.  Have a one night stand and its ok.    I don't agree.  

WoodsyWaif
by Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 3:09 PM
I would be worried that he was just being used. Knowing my son, and my daughter, they wouldn't be able to not have some emotional attachment.

Also I wonder if the girl's boyfriend knows.
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Sydel
by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2015 at 3:37 PM

Although I don't agree with teens having friends with benefits. I am fine with single adults having casual sex. As long as they are mature enough to handle it. Which very few are.  My issue would be more on the fact that she has a boyfriend and is stating she will never leave him or be public with the other boy due to his low social standing.

To me that's a huge no no. I would NOT want my son messing around with anyone who is attached to someone else. OR thinking that it's okay to be hidden away like a dirty secret. She's obviously using him.

The benefits part would be discussed after the being used and disrespected was addressed.

Also it's 2015 why is she writing a note and not texting or emailing this?? The fact that it's a handwritten note is astonishing to me. LOL

Quoting atlmom2:

Friends with benefits means sex and no attachment.  I think its awful for teens or anyone but that is just me.  I would have never had sex with just anyone to have sex.  Many now say its great to be free to do whatever.  Have a one night stand and its ok.    I don't agree.  


Sydel
by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2015 at 3:39 PM

I know that my dd would never allow herself to be used. And I don't have a son. But despite the "benefits" he's getting out of their little arrangement, the fact that she has a boyfriend and is blantly saying I will never leave him for you because of your low status. Is basically saying your not good enough.

And call me crazy but every Pretty In Pink bone in my body screams that is NOT okay. LOL

Quoting WoodsyWaif: I would be worried that he was just being used. Knowing my son, and my daughter, they wouldn't be able to not have some emotional attachment. Also I wonder if the girl's boyfriend knows.


WoodsyWaif
by Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 3:52 PM
lol

Yes that moves her into bitch status.

Quoting Sydel:

I know that my dd would never allow herself to be used. And I don't have a son. But despite the "benefits" he's getting out of their little arrangement, the fact that she has a boyfriend and is blantly saying I will never leave him for you because of your low status. Is basically saying your not good enough.

And call me crazy but every Pretty In Pink bone in my body screams that is NOT okay. LOL

Quoting WoodsyWaif: I would be worried that he was just being used. Knowing my son, and my daughter, they wouldn't be able to not have some emotional attachment.

Also I wonder if the girl's boyfriend knows.

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iwashere
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:07 PM

I just read an article in the New Yorker about the sexual habits of college kids. Basically, hooking up is a thing. Friends with benefits is acceptable to that generation. Having said that...

Casual sex with someone other than your primary partner has been occurring since time began. I personally would not do it. And I'm not fond of those who do, but my morals are not the morals that matter in this case. I would not contact her family. I do not know the dynamics of any family other than my own. And I would not say a single word to her directly, either. I do not ever interfere with my son's relationships. Even with the psycho ex. LOL.

As for talking to the son, yes I agree that nobody wants to be in second place and nobody should ever be someone elses's dirty little secret. I would also talk to my DS about considering the feelings of the other guy - the one that thinks he's in an exclusive relationship with the girl. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? I would do that with a son or a daughter, as a matter of fact, especially since things like having a boyfriend while sleeping with someone else can get messy and complicated and will probably not end well.

Sydel
by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:13 PM

Because of the age in this case it's middle school. I think reaching out to her parents is appropriate because let's face it no middle schooler should be sexually active or have benefits. But if this were discovered and my son were older high school and  up. I agree with not reaching out to the parents. Every family dynamic is different.

I like the role reversal. I did not think to consider bringing that up. But it's very true. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Quoting iwashere:

I just read an article in the New Yorker about the sexual habits of college kids. Basically, hooking up is a thing. Friends with benefits is acceptable to that generation. Having said that...

Casual sex with someone other than your primary partner has been occurring since time began. I personally would not do it. And I'm not fond of those who do, but my morals are not the morals that matter in this case. I would not contact her family. I do not know the dynamics of any family other than my own. And I would not say a single word to her directly, either. I do not ever interfere with my son's relationships. Even with the psycho ex. LOL.

As for talking to the son, yes I agree that nobody wants to be in second place and nobody should ever be someone elses's dirty little secret. I would also talk to my DS about considering the feelings of the other guy - the one that thinks he's in an exclusive relationship with the girl. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? I would do that with a son or a daughter, as a matter of fact, especially since things like having a boyfriend while sleeping with someone else can get messy and complicated and will probably not end well.


iwashere
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:24 PM

Even in middle school, unless I was related to the family or knew them very, very well, I would not tell them. Family dynamics are complex and there could be serious ramifications from it.

I totally agree they shouldn't be having sex that young and so casually either.

Quoting Sydel:

Because of the age in this case it's middle school. I think reaching out to her parents is appropriate because let's face it no middle schooler should be sexually active or have benefits. But if this were discovered and my son were older high school and  up. I agree with not reaching out to the parents. Every family dynamic is different.

I like the role reversal. I did not think to consider bringing that up. But it's very true. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Quoting iwashere:

I just read an article in the New Yorker about the sexual habits of college kids. Basically, hooking up is a thing. Friends with benefits is acceptable to that generation. Having said that...

Casual sex with someone other than your primary partner has been occurring since time began. I personally would not do it. And I'm not fond of those who do, but my morals are not the morals that matter in this case. I would not contact her family. I do not know the dynamics of any family other than my own. And I would not say a single word to her directly, either. I do not ever interfere with my son's relationships. Even with the psycho ex. LOL.

As for talking to the son, yes I agree that nobody wants to be in second place and nobody should ever be someone elses's dirty little secret. I would also talk to my DS about considering the feelings of the other guy - the one that thinks he's in an exclusive relationship with the girl. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? I would do that with a son or a daughter, as a matter of fact, especially since things like having a boyfriend while sleeping with someone else can get messy and complicated and will probably not end well.


Sydel
by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

See again you thought of something I didn't. Since I know I would not harm my child I never considered what other parents would do to theirs. In my mind I'm thinking I would want to know so they should be informed. But if they are uber religous or crazy you are right. The knowledge could lead to serious consequences and I would not want to be responsible for providing said knowledge.

Damn group always making me think.

Quoting iwashere:

Even in middle school, unless I was related to the family or knew them very, very well, I would not tell them. Family dynamics are complex and there could be serious ramifications from it.

I totally agree they shouldn't be having sex that young and so casually either.

Quoting Sydel:

Because of the age in this case it's middle school. I think reaching out to her parents is appropriate because let's face it no middle schooler should be sexually active or have benefits. But if this were discovered and my son were older high school and  up. I agree with not reaching out to the parents. Every family dynamic is different.

I like the role reversal. I did not think to consider bringing that up. But it's very true. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Quoting iwashere:

I just read an article in the New Yorker about the sexual habits of college kids. Basically, hooking up is a thing. Friends with benefits is acceptable to that generation. Having said that...

Casual sex with someone other than your primary partner has been occurring since time began. I personally would not do it. And I'm not fond of those who do, but my morals are not the morals that matter in this case. I would not contact her family. I do not know the dynamics of any family other than my own. And I would not say a single word to her directly, either. I do not ever interfere with my son's relationships. Even with the psycho ex. LOL.

As for talking to the son, yes I agree that nobody wants to be in second place and nobody should ever be someone elses's dirty little secret. I would also talk to my DS about considering the feelings of the other guy - the one that thinks he's in an exclusive relationship with the girl. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? I would do that with a son or a daughter, as a matter of fact, especially since things like having a boyfriend while sleeping with someone else can get messy and complicated and will probably not end well.



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