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The other problem

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 1:49 PM
  • 6 Replies

So she comes home last night and asked to talk to me.   Which is what she does when she needs my undivided private attention.  So she tells me she's not gay.  Which is information I already knew.  At the very least she was Bi but i kinda suspected she was not actually Bi either but I kept my opinion on the matter to myself. Now you have to understand up until recently  maddy was the only one of her friends that  still identified as straight  in her friend circle. and even the outer  friend circle.  She tells me that she doesnt like girls.  Then she says well i like girls but i dont' LIKE girls but i LOVE boys.  My only reaction was OK. then she goes on to tell me she really likes Cynthia. (gf) which is good since they are dating.  She's been struggling with a label since they started dating just over a month ago. What i told her then was stop worrying about lables  you know you like her thats all that matters. She's been open with cynthia about her feelings since the begining. She goes on to tell me that their relationship is never gonna get passed the kissing stage becuase she just can't  and then she blurts out that she's straight and she's dating a girl and she doesn't know what that means. So i re told her she's just madalyn and she's dating cynthia thats it.  no need for labels.  But just be honest with cynthia so that your not leading her on because that would be not a nice thing to do. 

by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 1:49 PM
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Replies (1-6):
cindermom50
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 2:17 PM
I think what you told her is great. No need for labels, they just complicate things. Is she worried about a label because it would make her feel better, or does she want to be able to easily explain to other people?
Msgme
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 2:32 PM


Quoting cindermom50: I think what you told her is great. No need for labels, they just complicate things. Is she worried about a label because it would make her feel better, or does she want to be able to easily explain to other people?

She says everyone in her circle has a label and they wear it like a badge of honor.   Its not hi i'm jessica its hi i'm gay, or bi, or pan or  i'm heteroflexible   she says people are  constanlty aksing her what she is.  And she doesnt like it.  she thinks its no ones business.  She's been complaining for a few weeks now that her sexuality is a part of her butnot  who she is where as many of these kids its who they are at the moment. I've tried telling her these are teens just trying to figure out who they are.  She recently went to a meeting at the lgbt club and she was very distraught when she left.  they advertise and even in the room as a safe place to talk but she said from the get go it was very anti straight and for some very anti christian.  she said it was like getting beat up on two fronts. 

Sydel
by Group Admin on Mar. 23, 2016 at 10:29 AM

I think you gave great advice. I hate labels. Communication and honesty with her partner is all she really needs to focus on. Also I would point out that the real world isnt' in high school. Once she goes off to college there won't be pressure to put a label on herself let alone wear it. All she can do is be true to herself.

PinkButterfly66
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 10:55 AM

It's sad that she feels pressured to label herself gay because she's the 'odd girl' out in her social circle.  It's sad that she feels pressured to date a girl when she really would rather date boys.  Have you considered therapy for her to help her with her self esteem issues?  And maybe she needs a new set of friends.

cindermom50
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 2:55 PM
She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. It's good that she realizes that it's nobody's business. I'm sure once she graduates she won't be dealing with that problem because she'll be surrounded by more mature people. That meeting sounds terrible. I think it's a very good thing she left. You can't promote acceptance for one group of people if you're gonna shame other groups. It's contradictory.

Quoting Msgme:

Quoting cindermom50: I think what you told her is great. No need for labels, they just complicate things. Is she worried about a label because it would make her feel better, or does she want to be able to easily explain to other people?

She says everyone in her circle has a label and they wear it like a badge of honor.   Its not hi i'm jessica its hi i'm gay, or bi, or pan or  i'm heteroflexible   she says people are  constanlty aksing her what she is.  And she doesnt like it.  she thinks its no ones business.  She's been complaining for a few weeks now that her sexuality is a part of her butnot  who she is where as many of these kids its who they are at the moment. I've tried telling her these are teens just trying to figure out who they are.  She recently went to a meeting at the lgbt club and she was very distraught when she left.  they advertise and even in the room as a safe place to talk but she said from the get go it was very anti straight and for some very anti christian.  she said it was like getting beat up on two fronts. 

Msgme
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 3:57 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting PinkButterfly66:

It's sad that she feels pressured to label herself gay because she's the 'odd girl' out in her social circle.  It's sad that she feels pressured to date a girl when she really would rather date boys.  Have you considered therapy for her to help her with her self esteem issues?  And maybe she needs a new set of friends.

I can not wait for graduation to be done with this group.  She is in therapy has been since right after she met her stalker and shit hit the fan.  we scaled back her sessions due to her schedule but i think i am going to talk to her about going a lil more often again. 

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