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Estranged Father, crashed graduation, and Court

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:01 PM
  • 5 Replies

Hi all...

Anyone been in this situation and can maybe shed some light?

I have two sons, 17.5 and 15 next month.  Son just gradated from HS two days ago.

Here is the back story....I was married to father for 9 years, divorcing in 2004. I was a step mom to his two chindren during this time, my sons half siblings. Dad began the process of losing custody and lost all custody exept monitored visitation in 2006.  He didnt care to jump through the hoops to maintain any custody and refused to pay a monitor even once to see his boys.  He offered to give up his rights to not have to pay child support.  They were then 7 and 4.  I was a single mom and the courts dont allow rights to CS be given up unless someone adopts them.

Fast forward to 2009 when father gets remarried.  His wife encourages reunification, so that started, and ended, after a 730 psych eval and ex being accused of physical assault on this wife and her daughter....they divorced and all attempts at reunification were abandoned.

So, the in regards to the half siblings, his first wife and I made sure the kids spent time with another throughout these years until her oldest son, who is 5 years older than my oldest, began becoming a pot smoker, drinker and in military school at age 15.  The daughter maintained contact and I attended her HS gradduation with her mom.  Dad was not welcomed by this daughter since we divorced, when she was 14.

I remarry in 2011 and my husband has been the only father figure in my sons lives since we met in 2008.  He allowed me to quit my job in 2011 after 21 years with the company, as I never had th opportunity to be a SAHM.  Ex has fought the child support since day one and we literally have been to court over 40 times since divorce was final in 2006.

Fast forward to now.  Initially I invited whole family to sons graduation.  I was told that the son lived with his mom( first wife) over 8 hours away.  Then I learned that they couldnt commit to coming to graduation, and like an idiot, i learned that I only had so many tickets to dole out for his graduation.  I told the sister that I would save a ticket for her, but she insisted that she wouldnt come if her brother couldnt come.  (Turns out, the brother lives with my crazy ex, and mind you, we havent seen him (brother) in over 8 years.  I asked son who he wanted to attend, and I said that his brother and his father could have the ticket available if he wanted.  Son wants NOTHING To do with his brother or father, so I doled out the 6 tickets to family who HAS been there in last 10 years.

Graduation was a success!  But, upon looking at my Exes FB, I learned AND SAW that he and the brother attended my sons graduation, and the brother (That eve) sent son a requeston Instagram to follow.  Son also saw proof that they atended.

My question....

If...IF my sons decide to see father for lunch, whatever...my FEAR is that my ex will have me back in court saying he had "visitation" with the boys all to have his CS reduced even further.  (He is curently scamming the system and collecting disability, all the while running a business under the table.  I have been unable to prove it) As I said before, been in court over 40 times, as thiis is the only contact he has with me...)

And....do you think it was wrong that they attended the graduation?  Im not even sure how they got a ticket!

by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:01 PM
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Replies (1-5):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:09 PM
2 moms liked this

You can't prevent someone from going to graduation if they had a ticket.  Somehow they went and you couldn't prevent that.  

IF your son decides to see his father it is his doing at this point as he is 17.5 and as an almost an adult he can really decide, I think.  Sounds like a crazy train wreck though.  

amberslove
by Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:13 PM

It is a train wreck....my concern is th son who is only "almost" 15.  I literally get sick to my stomach every time I have to see him in court.  Almost every time ex is threatene with jail time for outbursts in court, and the bailiffs offer to excort me out to my car.

Quoting atlmom2:

You can't prevent someone from going to graduation if they had a ticket.  Somehow they went and you couldn't prevent that.  

IF your son decides to see his father it is his doing at this point as he is 17.5 and as an almost an adult he can really decide, I think.  Sounds like a crazy train wreck though.  


iwashere
by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this
i do t know anything about exes, but wanted to send a hug. You are a good mom and don't deserve this crap in your life.
Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I have subzero experience on this subject, but I send my hugs and these thoughts to you.

My attitude would be, so what if he was there as long as you did not have to see or be with him?

He may have snuck in, bribed a gatekeeper, the gatekeeper may have let him pass, he may have asked other people in line if they had tickets and they gave him a ticket, etcetera.  He may have even told them what a mean cold hearted something you were and they felt sorry for him.  Once again, so what?

He may show up at the other son's graduation and both of their college graduations, but you don't have to sit with him.

At some point in the NOT so distant future both sons will be of ages to make their own decisions about visitation and his obligations will come to an end. 

Ifind all this sad, but it is whatever it is.

I am so pathetic that I know very little about Facebook, but I do know that I would stop having any type of Facebook contact with him.  And I would block, defriend, or whatever him from my Facebook.  I would tell my sons that I do not want to be informed of anything posted on their Facebook towards me. 

We can't know for certain why he showed up or posted on Facebook.  It may be just to . . . for lack of better wording . . . PISS you off, so I would stop giving him the opportunity to do so by not looking at anything posted on Facebook, etcetera.

As I said, its sad, but it is what it is and you can't change it.  

amberslove
by Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband said the same exact thing..."He knew you wouldsee it and he showed up to 'simply" give you the finger.

See what im working with?!? lol

Thak you for your input.


Quoting Kimmybabe:

I have subzero experience on this subject, but I send my hugs and these thoughts to you.

My attitude would be, so what if he was there as long as you did not have to see or be with him?

He may have snuck in, bribed a gatekeeper, the gatekeeper may have let him pass, he may have asked other people in line if they had tickets and they gave him a ticket, etcetera.  He may have even told them what a mean cold hearted something you were and they felt sorry for him.  Once again, so what?

He may show up at the other son's graduation and both of their college graduations, but you don't have to sit with him.

At some point in the NOT so distant future both sons will be of ages to make their own decisions about visitation and his obligations will come to an end. 

Ifind all this sad, but it is whatever it is.

I am so pathetic that I know very little about Facebook, but I do know that I would stop having any type of Facebook contact with him.  And I would block, defriend, or whatever him from my Facebook.  I would tell my sons that I do not want to be informed of anything posted on their Facebook towards me. 

We can't know for certain why he showed up or posted on Facebook.  It may be just to . . . for lack of better wording . . . PISS you off, so I would stop giving him the opportunity to do so by not looking at anything posted on Facebook, etcetera.

As I said, its sad, but it is what it is and you can't change it.  


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