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How often

Posted by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 9:40 PM
  • 23 Replies
Do you have a heart-to-heart sit down talk with your teen? This does not happen very often for me and my girls. We talk about everyday things, but very rarely do we engage in any deep conversations. Do you think this is important? Sometimes I feel that I don't have a good enough connection or understanding of what goes through my daughters' minds. I want to understand how they feel about life, about family, about anything. I don't want them to ever feel like that have to mask their feelings or emotions. Does anybody have any advice for having these types of conversations with their teens or adult children?
by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 9:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Debmomto2teens
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:17 PM
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Yes, we do. Pretty often. We just talk and always have.
Maime13
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:24 PM
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Yeah, it's not planned but just being together and being open...stuff comes up. They love to hear stories from when I was younger and sometimes that helps facilitate conversations too.

Quoting Debmomto2teens: Yes, we do. Pretty often. We just talk and always have.


Debmomto2teens
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:34 PM
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Yes, it is rarely planned. I think it needs to start young. Also, I listen to what they have to say and do not judge or play the "mom" card.

Quoting Maime13:

Yeah, it's not planned but just being together and being open...stuff comes up. They love to hear stories from when I was younger and sometimes that helps facilitate conversations too.

Quoting Debmomto2teens: Yes, we do. Pretty often. We just talk and always have.

MissAndree
by Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:00 PM

I only have one child, and we are very close, so we have these talks often. I allow everyday things that happen at school or with friends to segue in to deep heart to hearts. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:46 PM
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It is something that just happens.  I admit I have one that is more open than the other.  My oldest is and always has been more open but she is the talkative kid anyway.  The other is just more introverted and just doesn't talk as much to anyone as the oldest does.  

I feel for you this has been years in the making with your 2 girls.  Probably just the way they were raised.  

iwashere
by on Oct. 23, 2016 at 12:19 AM
2 moms liked this
You can't force these things. My ds and I talk often, but when it's the really deep stuff, it usually happens in the kitchen after a workout or in the car.

Because you are healing your relationships, be non judgemental over the little things and the big things will happen. It just takes time.
hopelesslymom
by New Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 12:20 AM

I think too often! We are so close, I sometimes think she askes things that are quite inappropriate for a mom to answer. I think it's my fault though because I've always been VERY honest about things.

Ziva65
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 1:47 AM
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I only have 4 older teens now (18 & 19 1/2). Not planned generally. We've done this as long as I can remember, oftentimes it was on our drive home from school because it wasn't really a short drive. Just the "how was your day?" question would get things going.

Situations like going shopping together, out to ice cream- funny, most often in the car. IDK, something about that for us. But we usually go out to dinner as a family once a week, and those are good too, totally relaxed and everyone just talks. The kids help each other with issues, etc. Those aren't really emotional talks but more general, life issues. 

We also often take really long drives, and have for years. We have a cabin 3 1/2 hours away, by the time we bring the kids and dogs there for a weekend, we have 2-3 cars, we have great conversations. We (individually my husband or I) talk about religion, politics, the opposite sex, friend issues, teacher issues, life issues, everything. Also about once a week we go out to ice cream as a family, it seems more relaxed than sitting around the dinner table altogether :)

When it seems like one is masking their emotions it's apparent, so I go sit on their bed and just strike up a conversation. Most often we come around to whatever is bothering them. if it is. Also nice to hear when all is good and there are no concerns. 

3Junebabies
by Nina on Oct. 23, 2016 at 3:26 AM
1 mom liked this
We talk all the time, mostly during long car rides to and from practice. I have a 24,22,17,14, and 12 yr old. The older ones still come home and lay on the bed in between my husband and I and talk about whatever is on their minds.
cybcm
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2016 at 5:14 AM
It's pretty constant at my place, but quantity of kids probably plays a role in there. I'd say I average about one a week per kid, similar for my husband.

You have to let it come naturally though, you can't force things like this.
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