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Daughter has not mourned

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 4:16 PM
  • 20 Replies
My dad passed away this past January. It is still hard to believe...but my dd has never grieved and it worries me. Should I be concerned?
by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 4:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
M4LG5
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 5:03 PM
I'm curious to why you don't think she has grieved?
cybcm
by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 5:03 PM
How do you know if someone has grieved or not? That's not something you can tell.
ShaMac
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 5:05 PM
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What do you think it means to grieve? I'm not sure how I would know because it is an internal thing.

I'm sorry about your dad. How old is your dd?
Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 5:14 PM

Welcome to our corner of the Cafe.

My condolances to you and yours.

We all grieve alone and we all grieve differently. 

Hubby and i were in our thirties when our grandparents started passing.

Our daughters have not lost a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or first or second cousin yet, so I don't know how to judge it.  Our daughters s are now 23 and 24 and the guys they married have experienced those losses as their parents and grandparents are older than hubby and I and our siblings and parents are,

Also, sometimes when it is expected, like say cancer, the grieving is spread out and seems to be less than when it comes all of a sudden.

chicken13
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 5:43 PM

Everyone grieves differently.  

momofjb03
by Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 6:23 PM
Because she told me she hasnt. I know everyone grieves in their own way but she flat out told me. He was sick with pneumonia for 3 weeks. He lives 5 states away..maybe that's it. She didn't see him all the time.?
momofjb03
by Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 6:25 PM
He was 72

Quoting cybcm: How do you know if someone has grieved or not? That's not something you can tell.
NatLynn
by Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:28 PM
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I understand your worry.  My father passed in 2012, when my daughter was 9. They were fishing buddies and had little rituals when he would visit ("Grandpa, do I see quarters and a Hershey kiss in your front pocket??").  When he died, very unexpectantly, my daughter showed no emotion about it all. I tried to get her to talk about it, asked her how she was feeling, paid close attention around the holidays....it just never seemed to bother her EXCEPT....any time we talked about "Papa" she told us to stop it.  She'd get angry.

Now that she is 13, she does actually talk about him more and says things like "remember when??"  She did confide that she is confused because she cries more when a favorite book character dies than she did when  her grandpa died.  She has been to counseling (for other things) but I'm not too worried about it.

Maybe your DD thinks that the only way to grieve is to cry. Or, given that it seems like she didn't really know him all that well, she never really felt a strong connection to him. I know that hurts a bit, given he was your dad and YOU obviously had a connection. 

countrymomma81
by Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:36 PM
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Was she close to him? Did she really know him? If not, that may be why. I don't grieve at all. I cry a little when I first lose someone (that I'm super close to), then I move on. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:01 PM
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Many grieve in different ways.  What way would you like her to or feel she hasn't?  My dd's have lost 3 grandparents and an aunt who was only 52 and life does go on.  They cried at the funerals and moved on really.  

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