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Who Pays?

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:00 AM
  • 17 Replies

When teens go out on "dates" who pays? Does the guy pay? Go dutch? Whoever has the money? 

I just am not sure. When I dated dh I did all the driving (he had no license) and all the paying (he had no job and I did). When I hung out with my best friend (a guy) I often paid for both of us and did allt he driving as well. Best friend lived in a group home Mon-Fri and could come home on weekends so no job was allowed. I think it woudl have been nice to be picked up for a date and treated back then but it was what it was. What is the norm today? 

by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:00 AM
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by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:07 AM

Um, I guess it depends.  If we are talking teens, then I would say dutch unless it is specified by one or the other that they are paying

by Lissette on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:09 AM
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I've always been raised to think that the one who invited is paying UNLESS it was specifically stated that we were going Dutch. I always carried money with me even in the event that I assumed the other person was going to pay just in case they couldn't or wouldn't.

I'm raising my kids the same way.
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:11 AM

Most of the time my boyfriend drove, and we took turns paying.  It depended on who made the plans.  If it was a group date, everyone went dutch.

Generally, though, we all ended up at the bowling alley goofing off as a big group.  Or going to a friends house and all pitching in to order pizza.

by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 12:52 PM

 just yesterday ds informed me he was not dating because it was too expensive. So I'm guessing he pays a lot. 

by Group Admin on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:01 PM

Over the summer dd and her ex both worked at Cedar Point. However dd was working more hours and was paying. I told him that my dd is not his sugar mama and that they will either have to take turns or find something else to do. He ended up uping is availability and paid a few times before she dumped him.

Now that she's with T he pays for almost everything. He is working and she is not. However I give her money so if he pays for the movie she'll get the candy and popcorn. If he pays for dinner she will leave the tip or offer to pay for a different activity.

They are planning both prom and Colossalcon right now. He is paying for the tickets, she is paying for dinner. They are buying their own con tickets and she is going to pay for 2 of their 4 lunches. If it were up to him he'd pay for everything. But from what I've read she explained to him that she wants to maintain her financial independance and not become dependant on him.

by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:05 PM

I should add, neither of my 2 teens is dating.  Both prefer to stay single and hang out with friends instead.

DD16 says she has no patience for the drama that comes with dating, so she is happy staying single.  DS has never expressed any interest.  So, it's not something we have had to deal with here.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:49 PM
I think it alters a lot

the teen has a girlfriend and I know sometimes they split it, sometimes she pays, sometimes him and sometimes she pays for one part and he another

I honestly don't think there should be rules with stuff like that
I know there wasn't when I started dating now DH
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:43 PM
DD always has money with her to cover whatever they're planning, however currently she has a bf and he never lets her pay. Before she was with him I always made sure she had money, but it varied as to whether the boy paid for them both or the each paid their own.
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:44 PM
I don't know with my kids, that's not for me to work out.
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:24 PM

When I was teen back in the 1900’s it was Dutch when with a group. On dates, the guy usually paid for things like movies, meal, etcetera. 

Our daughters and SILs married their first dates to a junior high Halloween dance, so I have very limited information that is recent.  Most of their early “hanging together” or “dating” was done with a herd of other teens to mall, movies, school activities, Six Flags amusement park, Hurricane Harbor waterpark, etcetera. They all had season passes to the amusement and water parks and I think it was mostly a mush of joint spending on the other activities.  Somewhere around 14 and 15 they merged hearts and finances to the point that they started operating like an old soviet commune.   Now ten years later, they continue to operate like an old soviet commune financially and vote Republican—figure that one out--LOL.

Driving wise, until after high school graduation, only the oldest boy had a solo driver’s license and he could not have more than one non-family teen in the car until he turned seventeen. Car expenses (insurance, gas, repairs) on an old family pass down vehicle of the oldest SIL were paid by the commune. (In our state teens do not pay auto insurance until they get their solo license so they did not solo until necessary because they had other things they wanted to spend that money on.)

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