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Daughter in Tears

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:14 PM
  • 11 Replies

My dd is 19. She is in her last year of high school. She has a medical condition so it has taken her 5 years to complete her high school requirements. We homeschool; she could never handle the physical exersion required to be at school all day 5 days a week. But she does go to a tutorial this year that meets once a week. We had tried other tutorials in previous years and she struggled greatly with making friends. She had nothing in common with most of the children and felt that many of her interest were considered questionable activities by many of the other students. This year the tutorial she has been in has been so positive for her as far as finding very nice people that are supportive and loving and understanding of her health. 

She had poor circulation of her blood and it can cause her to be dizzy and foggy in the head. She developed anxiety during the first year she was sick because she was actually frightened that she might die. Unfortunately the anxiety has become a major problem that overtakes her body, and debilitates her. She went to counseling for almost two year and she is on a very mild anti-anxiety medication. She also takes two heart medications.

So the first few weeks of her tutorial this year were very difficult but she adjusted. We had to drop one of her classes after a month or so. She could not keep up with the rigor of the coursework. The day after the tutorial she sleeps a lot to recover from taxing her body physically and emotionally draining herself. But I really felt things were going better.

Yesterday I came about 30 minutes early to pick her up and I could not find her. She was not in her last class of the day. The teacher said she complained of having a headache and went to study hall. After asking around I found her in the bathroom, crying and very flush, red eyes and almost shaking. She had been crying for a while. Another student was in the bathroom but seemed not to notice much that my daughter was crying. I asked my daughter many different questions but she responded no to everything and told me that she was ok. As I was leaving I told the person who is over the program that I found my daughter and she told me she had talked with her earlier when she was crying and prayed with her trying to help her. 

On our way home, I asked my daughter if she had someone to talk to that could help her (since she could not talk with me about what was wrong) and she said she did. She said she had talk with someone. Through a few more questions, she admitted that something was wrong but she could not talk to me about it but she had someone she could talk to about it.

I dropped the subject but of course I am concerned. I realize she is 19 and can choose to talk to whoever she wants. I am concerned that she finds it so hard to fit in and that she is so emotional. I realize it could be normal to cry a lot when you are a 19 yo. She is my only dd.

She had an appointment with her pychiatrist next week, but she usually downplays everything and acts like everything is fine when she is with a doctor. I am concerned that she need more help.  

by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ziva65
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry. I'm glad she's seeing her psychiatrist, is there a way you can give the psychiatrist a heads up? I know it's hard they want to be independant, but they still need us even at age 19. Maybe she will talk with you later once she feels calm again.

f.i.s.h
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:34 PM

I'm sorry mama. Hugs to you. I'm sure that is difficult but you're doing everything right. She's 19 so she may not open up to you about everything that's going on. All you can do is be there for her and be supportive. Don't pry; just take a laid-back approach to it and hopefully she will tell you if it is anything serious. I have an oversharer here but even so, I have found she tells me more if I don't try to get it out of her.

Maybe some more specialized help would do her good, with a therapist or counselor proficient in her needs and who could help you set up a course of action for when things start to go south. A lot of therapists also have support groups, which could be something helpful for her to find some common ground with others her age going through similar things.

healingsoul
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:35 PM

Do you think the psychiatrist needs to know that she cries a lot? 

I wish she would but I don't think she will share with me. Sometimes I think she is protecting me.  

Quoting Ziva65:

I'm sorry. I'm glad she's seeing her psychiatrist, is there a way you can give the psychiatrist a heads up? I know it's hard they want to be independant, but they still need us even at age 19. Maybe she will talk with you later once she feels calm again.


healingsoul
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:40 PM

Thank you for the encouragement! I guess I needed it more than I knew because I got a big relief when you said "I am doing everything right." I am also an oversharer and I have to realize that she is not, so it is not necessarily me but the fact that she is more introvert. 

I think a group might be good but I think she might try to help everyone and be their "text" counselor. She does tend to help others and has many long distance "friends" she has only met online that she has long conversations with. She is a very good listener and helps many of her friends.  

Quoting f.i.s.h:

I'm sorry mama. Hugs to you. I'm sure that is difficult but you're doing everything right. She's 19 so she may not open up to you about everything that's going on. All you can do is be there for her and be supportive. Don't pry; just take a laid-back approach to it and hopefully she will tell you if it is anything serious. I have an oversharer here but even so, I have found she tells me more if I don't try to get it out of her.

Maybe some more specialized help would do her good, with a therapist or counselor proficient in her needs and who could help you set up a course of action for when things start to go south. A lot of therapists also have support groups, which could be something helpful for her to find some common ground with others her age going through similar things.


f.i.s.h
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:50 PM

I think we could all use some reassurance sometimes. I have one kid who is an oversharer and one who isn't so sometimes it's hard for me too to understand that ODD may not as readily share and that's OK and that I just have to let her come to me. How much your kid shares is no reflection of your parenting, certain kids share more than others and it doesn't mean they don't trust you but sometimes they just don't think it's worthwhile sharing or they don't want to hurt you.

Listening to others is a great quality, and I'm sure a therapist could help her use it to her advantage :) I wish you all the best!

Quoting healingsoul:

Thank you for the encouragement! I guess I needed it more than I knew because I got a big relief when you said "I am doing everything right." I am also an oversharer and I have to realize that she is not, so it is not necessarily me but the fact that she is more introvert. I think a group might be good but I think she might try to help everyone and be their "text" counselor. She does tend to help others and has many long distance "friends" she has only met online that she has long conversations with. She is a very good listener and helps many of her friends.  

Quoting f.i.s.h:

I'm sorry mama. Hugs to you. I'm sure that is difficult but you're doing everything right. She's 19 so she may not open up to you about everything that's going on. All you can do is be there for her and be supportive. Don't pry; just take a laid-back approach to it and hopefully she will tell you if it is anything serious. I have an oversharer here but even so, I have found she tells me more if I don't try to get it out of her.

Maybe some more specialized help would do her good, with a therapist or counselor proficient in her needs and who could help you set up a course of action for when things start to go south. A lot of therapists also have support groups, which could be something helpful for her to find some common ground with others her age going through similar things.



RaeMarie
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:04 PM

Your dd sounds like exactly the kind of kid my dd would seek out as a friend. Poor girl. I can't imagine how hard this must be for her. I am glad she is already seeing someone. It is hard when our kids don't want to talk to us.They just don't understand how much  us moms really worry. Do your best to follow her lead. Is there anyone at all she is close to? I know my dd will open up to my 50+ yr old male cousin on the rare occassions she can't talk to me. I know I am the  one many of her friends open up to when they don't feel they can talk to their mom or their peers. Hoping she finds what she needs. Crying is no fun. 

iwashere
by on Feb. 16, 2017 at 1:21 AM
2 moms liked this

My son has anxiety as well. He had therapy and he's much better now that he has a few techniques to help him combat panic attacks. I think you are doing everything you can to help your dd. It's so difficult as a parent to have to watch your child struggle. I hate that. It's painful for everyone. And I always felt so helpless.

i would tell her psychiatrist about the crying. I did tell my son's therapist once about an incident I felt had an impact on him that I knew he was not talking to her about. It helped because she was able to draw it out of him. Your dd's psychiatrist can't tell you about her treatment, but a heads up if you see something concerning is usually ok as long as it's not done often.

Ziva65
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2017 at 2:10 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes. If it's a psychiatrist maybe they need to look at her meds. Plus she's got hormones at play, I hope the psychiatrist is good with that age group, meds there are tricky. If she cries that much I'd say they need to look at her antidepressants or whatever her specific need is.

And not every therapist/ psychiatrist is right for every person. I know she's an adult, but it would help her and the psychiatrist to have the full picture, even if it's private, the therapist needs to know. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Quoting healingsoul:

Do you think the psychiatrist needs to know that she cries a lot? I wish she would but I don't think she will share with me. Sometimes I think she is protecting me.  

Quoting Ziva65:

I'm sorry. I'm glad she's seeing her psychiatrist, is there a way you can give the psychiatrist a heads up? I know it's hard they want to be independant, but they still need us even at age 19. Maybe she will talk with you later once she feels calm again.

ljmom24
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2017 at 6:55 AM
Yes tell him, although being she's 19 it can get tricky but if you have a relationship with him mention it. If he's truly good he can probe without it coming off that you even mentioned it.

You may never know what is going on but look out for cues if it's getting better or worse.

Quoting healingsoul:

Do you think the psychiatrist needs to know that she cries a lot? I wish she would but I don't think she will share with me. Sometimes I think she is protecting me.  

Quoting Ziva65:

I'm sorry. I'm glad she's seeing her psychiatrist, is there a way you can give the psychiatrist a heads up? I know it's hard they want to be independant, but they still need us even at age 19. Maybe she will talk with you later once she feels calm again.

Sac555
by on Feb. 16, 2017 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

You are a great mom..getting her the help she needs, patient with her schooling, etc! I would be concerned about the medications, and be sure they aren't contributing to her depression/anxiety. Our dd  tends to lean that way too, and I've found that when I just seem to reassure her and not ask, that she opens up...sometimes more than I want to know! haha

Anyway, your love is evident, and she obviously feels that too...let her experience her feelings and hopefully she will open up to you soon.

I was wondering who "she says she can talk to"...I'd be careful, but I"d be checking into who she is communicating with online somehow...if that is the "one she can talk to". ...and to be sure the people she is in contact with are okay. That is our greatest trouble these days is it is so hard to check on them! Maybe she will be able to tell you about her "online friends"...show interest, not concern and maybe she will! prayers for you all!

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