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Pot and how to handle with 16 yr old

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2017 at 9:17 AM
  • 34 Replies

Hi all,

I posted a while back about my daughter smoking pot, grades failing and generally not caring about anything at all...including her family.

Well last night she walked in the door high as a kite - and drove home.  We grounded her for one week and took the car away for two weeks.  She didn't seem to care.

We have always had a very close relationship with our twin daughters.  Now I feel we are losing one.  And as Mom, I feel on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.  I cry all the time (not in front of my family).  I don't want to be one of those poor families that end up on Dr. Phil.  

We are not helicopter parents and have never been.  We track her iphone once in a while if we have an inkling she may not be where she says she is.  

I am petrified now.  Mostly for her.  Partly for me.

More advice please from those of you that have been there?????

Thanks and blessings~

by on Apr. 24, 2017 at 9:17 AM
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by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 9:19 AM
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What is the most important thing to her in the world?  Could be electronics, could be a sport or activity she loves, could be a person, just the thing she loves the most?

by Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 9:20 AM

Her boyfriend!!!!

by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Have him try and talk to her about this. If you have concerns about him or she refuses to listen to him, explain that you'll have to limit their relationship until she can prove she's not doing drugs.

Quoting herear00:

Her boyfriend!!!!

by Susie on Apr. 24, 2017 at 10:09 AM
3 moms liked this

Counseling and drug awareness.  

by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 10:18 AM
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Grounding her for a week or two isn't really much of a punishment.  And it doesn't address the problem at hand.

Has she been evaluated for depression or other mental illness?  My first inkling would be to consider depression if her current behavior is out of character for her.

by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Both my neighbors had sons get into drugs to the point of addiction. I wish I had answers but I don't. It can happen to anyone. These kids came from upstanding middle class families. If anything the moms say their biggest failure was not thinking it could happen to their boy.

Growing up my neighbors were and still are (well one finally od ) drug users. Dad was a cop and turned a blind eye to their behavior. The mom was a drunk and no better. They too enabled the behavior.

Many think pot is harmless and like alcohol many people can have a drink or two socially and even get drunk from time to time and never have an issue. Others end up addicted. Even if it's legal in your state it's illegal because of the age and that needs to be punished and made clear it won't be tolerated.

I think most of us as parents have fears of our kids failing but maybe she needs to fall to wake up. She's going to hate but you are the parent not friend and at any point growing up are kids are probably to hate us. Be clear on what will and won't be tolerated and the consequences and stick to them. Also look around to see what drug awareness programs are available in your area. We have an opioid problem around here so they have a lot prevention programs going on.
by on Apr. 24, 2017 at 11:22 AM
7 moms liked this

I personally am pot friendly. I don't smoke, but I did vote for it to be legal. However, your dd is underage and she is abusing it. You need to accept that. She has gone beyond a couple puffs and moved into overindulging. I would do the following:

1. She would not drive until 18. For me, the deal breaker is driving while under the influence of anything. Not only is she a danger to herself and others, but hurting anyone while driving that way would devastate her and she would never recover from it.

2. She would go to counseling. I would not give a rat's patootie if she just sat and stared at the counselor for an hour, she'd be there every week.

3. The family would go to counseling as well, once a month.

4. She would attend a narcotics anonymous meeting. Let her just listen to actual addicts. 

The time has passed for panicking and you are now in the doing stage. Good luck.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 1:56 PM
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I have been the pot smoker that doesn't care.  There is a reason for this -- find a counselor for her that SHE likes and will trust.  My parents tried some old white guy who gave them absolutely the worst advice when it came to me and my situation -- no, I didn't help but I didn't want to be there anyway.   If there is a family member or friend (outside of the household) that this child might feel comfortable talking to -- ask them to help out.  Remember that it is extremely difficult to know how and what you are feeling and why you are feeling it.  I had no idea that I was screwing up the rest of my life smoking pot and hanging with the wrong crowd (getting bad grades) because I felt absolutely abandoned by my family.  So, she needs someone she trusts who can try to get to the bottom and listen to what is between the lines, not just what she's saying. Also, tell her this ... you have 2 more years here and then you're free to go.  We can all be in pain for those 2 years but after that, it's another 80 years of YOUR life that you'll spend doing menial jobs because you chose to screw up in school.  YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR THIS, not me.

by Group Admin on Apr. 24, 2017 at 2:06 PM
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I agree with finding a good counselor. I also think she has too much free time. I'm a firm believer that if you keep your kid busy they won't have time to get into trouble. With that said where there is a will there is a way. Dd was shocked this summer when some classmates invited her to go smoke. Not so much that they smoked but that these were straight A students.

Both my parents smoked. My dh was a big pot head in high school. I have never had an interest in trying drugs. I think trying it is pretty normal. But the failing grades, disregard for rules, and unhappiness is a bigger issue.

by New Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 2:10 PM
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I would find out why she smokes. Is it depression? That could answer her lack of care too. Peer pressure?
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