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Appropriate consequences

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:02 AM
  • 22 Replies
1 mom liked this
So my 14 yo has been doing some pretty sneaky, foolish things lately. She spent nearly $200 buying lives and upgrades on a game on her iPhone. She claimed she didn't realize that my debit card was being charged. She has been taking quarters from the launder money to buy candy and junk food at school and at her dance studio. We have been limiting the junk food in our home because she's been putting on a lot of weight in the past year. I sent her down the street to the store to buy toilet paper. She came home claiming the cashier didn't give her change or a receipt. I looked up the receipt through my Walgreens app and saw she actually bought 2 candy bars and lied about it. Dad was pissed. Told her this is basically stealing from me. She has been given punishments and has gotten a long lecture about how if we can't trust her with little things, how are we going to trust her with the big freedoms that come with high school, driving, being a teen, etc. Long story short, I'm wondering what you all think would be a reasonable punishment in this case. Thanks ladies.
by on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:02 AM
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Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:30 AM
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I'd start with no more iPhone unless you can control the spending issue.

Mine did not have phones until after high school by their choice as they wanted to spend the money elsewhere.

My guess is that she knew it was being charged so I would let her repay me for it over the period of a year,but as alluded to above I would make sure there could be no more charging to my account or phone bill.

You have to find a way for her to earn your trust back. Explain that you have noticed the quarters and the candy bars.

At 14 my youngest daughter was watching her waight and dieting. Oldest never had that weight problem. I would talk to her about keeping weight off as it sucks to have it and then remove it. Honey if it weren't harmful to you I'd buy them and let you eat 20 a day. We need to work on this together.
PinkButterfly66
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:51 AM
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I would take her phone for starters and delete that game and remove her ability to buy anything on itunes.  And I wouldn't send her to the store to buy stuff.  And she'd have to work off the $200 as well as the laundry money she took.

mom2kep
by Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:54 AM
Thank you. I had a weight problem for years. I ended up having the lapband surgery to deal with my weight. I don't want my girls to have to deal with the bullying and ridicule I dealt with as a teen. We took her phone away other than when she is away at camp, school etc. She was supposed to attend 2 concerts with me this summer. I gave her tickets to my friend. She has to help with some big chores this summer to pay me back. She is also grounded from going out with her friends this summer. Someone told me my hubby and I were being to harsh, but I didn't think so. Thanks for the feedback.

Quoting Kimmybabe: I'd start with no more iPhone unless you can control the spending issue.

Mine did not have phones until after high school by their choice as they wanted to spend the money elsewhere.

My guess is that she knew it was being charged so I would let her repay me for it over the period of a year,but as alluded to above I would make sure there could be no more charging to my account or phone bill.

You have to find a way for her to earn your trust back. Explain that you have noticed the quarters and the candy bars.

At 14 my youngest daughter was watching her waight and dieting. Oldest never had that weight problem. I would talk to her about keeping weight off as it sucks to have it and then remove it. Honey if it weren't harmful to you I'd buy them and let you eat 20 a day. We need to work on this together.
chicken13
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 8:59 AM

You're definately NOT being too harsh.  She's lying and stealing.  It's small amounts now, but she really only has access to small amounts.  What is it going to look like when she has access to bigger things?????  You've seriously got to get on top of that and I think that's what you're doing.

Quoting mom2kep: Thank you. I had a weight problem for years. I ended up having the lapband surgery to deal with my weight. I don't want my girls to have to deal with the bullying and ridicule I dealt with as a teen. We took her phone away other than when she is away at camp, school etc. She was supposed to attend 2 concerts with me this summer. I gave her tickets to my friend. She has to help with some big chores this summer to pay me back. She is also grounded from going out with her friends this summer. Someone told me my hubby and I were being to harsh, but I didn't think so. Thanks for the feedback.
Quoting Kimmybabe: I'd start with no more iPhone unless you can control the spending issue. Mine did not have phones until after high school by their choice as they wanted to spend the money elsewhere. My guess is that she knew it was being charged so I would let her repay me for it over the period of a year,but as alluded to above I would make sure there could be no more charging to my account or phone bill. You have to find a way for her to earn your trust back. Explain that you have noticed the quarters and the candy bars. At 14 my youngest daughter was watching her waight and dieting. Oldest never had that weight problem. I would talk to her about keeping weight off as it sucks to have it and then remove it. Honey if it weren't harmful to you I'd buy them and let you eat 20 a day. We need to work on this together.


Sydel
by Group Admin on Jul. 17, 2017 at 9:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd block the app store and have her get a job to pay back what she stole. I'm concerned with the fact that she's sneaking sweets. I am one to eat my feelings. I would suggest going to counseling to find out why she's eating. 

awbredux
by Allie on Jul. 17, 2017 at 11:27 AM

This is basically what would happen at our house.  

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I would take her phone for starters and delete that game and remove her ability to buy anything on itunes.  And I wouldn't send her to the store to buy stuff.  And she'd have to work off the $200 as well as the laundry money she took.


atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:14 PM
Take the phone. I would say revisit giving it back in a month or 2. This is why I say kids need flip phones and not phones on the internet.
heybooboo
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:16 PM

The phone would be gone, and she would be grounded until she earned enough money to pay off what she charged on your debit card.

I would then look into behavioral therapy and counseling because there is a reason she feels she needs to steal and lie about the junk food.

romalove
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:19 PM

I think she sounds like she's crying out for help.

I'd have her in therapy to determine why she musts have junk food, to the point where she'll steal or lie for it.

I wouldn't necessarily take her phone, I would make her pay for the $200 she used, either through actual money, or by doing chores assigned by you with a certain $ amount for each chore until she paid it off.


LuvHugs429
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2017 at 12:29 PM

Take phone away, find a way to add PW to all apps!! Our 14 and 12 yr old can not do anything on their phones without Hubby or I putting it on because everything needs a PW. No going out without any Adult supervision until you feel  you can trust her again. Find a way to make her pay you back. Mowing lawns, picking up dog poop, walking dogs, helping neighbors out but make sure she gets paid.

We are going through the same crap with our 14yr old son, he went into a closed empty school and we are waiting to go to court on Sept 6th to see if the Judge will bring down our $500 fine and give our son mandatory Community Service instead.  Whatever we do have to pay for he is finding a way to pay us back. He can't go anywhere without Adult Supervision, which he is finding sucks since all his friends were allowed to go to the Churches Carnival and he wasn't.


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