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Addressing sexual harassment with your teen

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Every morning I watch the local news until 7am.  At 7am, I watch the "Today Show" until I leave for work.  My daughter (14 years old) comes in and sits on my bed.  I told her that Matt Laur was fired. She asked "What happened?"  I told her it was for inappropriate sexual conduct. 

She is very mature and, from what I'm aware of, has not even tried to date a guy.  She always says "they are so stupid."  In her transition to high school, I asked how it has been and she HATES when guys are saying things like "Hey, come over here" or "Can I get your number?" (even though they don't even know her name) or they comment on how "good" she looks.  She gets really annoyed about it and I told her that respectful boys and men will not approach her that way.  If they respect her, they will approach her with genuine interest but without being aggressive or superficial.  As for these boys, ignore them for the most part - don't give them the attention they want - but if they start to get more aggressive than to speak out to them.  If its on-going or even more aggressive where she starts to feel uncomfortable, then to tell someone.

I also told her that, unfortunately, it's been this way and it's about power and control but a real relationship is collaborative and respectful.

I will fully admit that when I was younger, the catcalling was flattering to me.  I really did think "oh, he likes me" until I got older and realized that it shouldn't be this way. 

Have you addressed this topic with your teen?

by on Nov. 29, 2017 at 2:40 PM
Replies (21-26):
M4LG5
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2017 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes....it can go both ways for sure!

Quoting Mom2Boys9501: All this harassment stuff honestly makes me sad because a lot of people think it is only guys doing the harassing. However my 16 year old is being harassed by a girl. It has gotten so bad that if it continues I will be contacting the cops.
characterbuildr
by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 6:07 PM

Great conversation, mom!  I think you did a great job and she sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and is identifying this early!  Yes, those teens are typical and are 'egged' on by their peers to see how far they can get.  We just keep praying that our girls can stay ahead of the game.  Keep talking about it daily!

jewjewbee
by New Member on Dec. 14, 2017 at 8:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes.
Girls have to stand up for themselves as soon as the first sentence comes out of these boys mouths. Directly and Assertively.
Only these girls can stop this type of behavior, not the schools or parents.
We have found that if the girls just immediately address the boys by saying things like " Don't talk to me that way " or " if you behave this way talk to someone else " it immediately stops and they behave differently.
My older son says it's a way for boys to feel out girls in their lives as to which ones are " easy " and which ones aren't or can be persuaded to be.
Girls have to address it immediately. JMHO
mamavalor
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 10:29 AM

Yes, I have since they were little.  We have always kept communication open regarding being a female and an Asian American and being from a wealthy family.  As a result I now have two strong teenage daughters.  They are sweet, kind young ladies who think independently.  They befriend nice people and stay away from those who are not.  They will speak up for themselves and for others who cannot.  While they are respected by all their peers they know they are not liked by all, which is fine with them.  

DS10 asked me about my opinion regarding feminism the other day.  He wanted to know why some girls/women acted so mean to boys/men.  He asked just because some boys/men are mean to girls/women doesn't mean all boys/men are mean to girls/women.  I agree with him.  I guess he has been thinking about this subject since last year when he was pushed by a girl bully in his class.  She asked what he was going to do about it in a daring voice.  So he pushed her back.  She wasn't expecting this response from him and said something like hey you can't do that to a girl!  DS said well I just did and you shouldn't be pushing boys.  Teacher intervened and said no pushing by anybody.  Turns out the girl liked DS and wanted to get his attention.  SMH...and we had a talk about keeping our hands to ourselves.

gramabrenda
by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this
Mom, sounds like you are doing a great job. You are able to talk with her. You have shown her the example (modeled) of not accepting improper conduct from men. Sounds like she is on the way to realizing that she deserves respect. Turning off the radio when people are speaking improperly is good also. This is teaching her that you don't listen to garbage and helping her to learn to respect herself in that area. When she has proper respect for herself, it will show others that she expects respect from them and will respect them in return. There is lots of help in this area from respected sources. I haven't used them but I understand that are some very good books for teen girls and a magazine called "Brio", I think. But I want to pray for you and your daughter, if that's ok.

I pray that she will realize that God created her to be woman and He has a plan for her life. I pray that she will see the examples shown in the Bible of how women respected others and yet maintained a posture of respect for themselves. I pray that together you and she will be able to maintain a wonderful and proper Mother/Daughter relationship. I am praying for you as you raise this precious young lady and watch her bloom into womanhood. You are on the right road, just hang in there Mom.
M4LG5
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 11:32 AM

Thank you so much!  I really appreciate it.

Quoting gramabrenda:
Mom, sounds like you are doing a great job. You are able to talk with her. You have shown her the example (modeled) of not accepting improper conduct from men. Sounds like she is on the way to realizing that she deserves respect. Turning off the radio when people are speaking improperly is good also. This is teaching her that you don't listen to garbage and helping her to learn to respect herself in that area. When she has proper respect for herself, it will show others that she expects respect from them and will respect them in return. There is lots of help in this area from respected sources. I haven't used them but I understand that are some very good books for teen girls and a magazine called "Brio", I think. But I want to pray for you and your daughter, if that's ok.
I pray that she will realize that God created her to be woman and He has a plan for her life. I pray that she will see the examples shown in the Bible of how women respected others and yet maintained a posture of respect for themselves. I pray that together you and she will be able to maintain a wonderful and proper Mother/Daughter relationship. I am praying for you as you raise this precious young lady and watch her bloom into womanhood. You are on the right road, just hang in there Mom.


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