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She Knows What a Penis Looks Like

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 11:57 AM
  • 14 Replies

I can laugh now, but let me tell you I was having a heart attack last night.

Dd rented 50 Shades of Black which is a 50 Shades of Gray parody. She has NEVER seen the movie or read the book.  I knew there would be some sexual innuendos  but not the Full Monty.

There was a scene where this guy had a fake penis that when he stood up it hit the table and knocked stuff off.

Me: "OMG Sasha look away! (Jumps across couch to cover her eyes)

Sasha: "What the heck mom, why are you so extra? I know what a penis looks like. I've seen them before"

Me: "Who's penis have you seen? (Call dh's name and grabs phone.)

Sasha: OMG what are you doing? Are you texting T? I have never seen his, I swear!

Me: Then what penis did you see?

Sasha: I saw them with daddy.

Me: What the F*ck do you mean you saw a penis with daddy?!?! (Calls dh's name again) Why was daddy looking at penises? Why was daddy looking at penises with you? Where was I? Has M seen the penis too?

Dh: What is going on?

Sasha: I told mommy I saw a penis with you

Dh: Why did you tell her?!

Me: What the F is going on?! Dh you need to start talking before I get some scissors and cut you.

Dh: First calm down, it's not that serious. Second it was like two years ago at the movies.

Me: What? What movie?

Dh: Get Hard, I took her to see Get Hard and they showed like 3 penis scenes. I knew you'd get all dramatic about it. I was embaressed, I told her not to tell you about it so you didn't freak.

Dd: Sorry I forgot I wasn't suppose to tell her.

Me: So you haven't seen a penis in real life?

Dd: NO! That's disgusting. They look weird and how would I even see one. It's not like guys just go around pulling them out and showing them to people.

Me and Dh at the same time: Some do..

So that's my penis story. I will admit I over reacted. But I've always been a bit dramatic if you guys hadn't noticed. Plus what is the right way to respond to their teen daughter telling them they saw a penis with their dad?!

by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chicken13
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 1:08 PM

LOL.

When dd was like 12 or 13 her grandfather took her to the movies and they saw Bad Grandpa.  LOL.  Not sure who was more mortified...he thought it was a comedy.  Um, yes....and a bit more.  Or shall I say dangling bits more.

awbredux
by Allie on Dec. 18, 2017 at 2:04 PM

I might've reacted the same way.  Then I also would've realized I over reacted.  My younger sister has twin boys, now almost 7.  My girls have seen them being changed when they were babies.   They've also seen pix in sex-ed books. 

cybcm
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 2:27 PM
5 moms liked this
I think I've told this story on here before, but I took my middle two to see a show at the Spiegeltent. Unknown to me it had full frontal nudity.

"Mum, is that it?"
"Yep"
"That's a lot smaller than I thought"
"Yep"
"Why do they make out like they're humongous?"
"Because they're idiots"
"Makes sense"
1kidmomajm
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 9:54 PM

That's awesome! No need to be uptight in the end!! My dad and I saw Eddie Murphy Raw together when I was in high school!!

Jinxmom165
by Member on Dec. 19, 2017 at 1:46 PM

rolling on floor

jewjewbee
by Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 7:56 PM
Funny.
Any kid past the 5th grade that has a cell phone has seen either boobs, a penis or a completely naked girl.
Just saying....
Welcome to 2018
Sydel
by Group Admin on Jan. 2, 2018 at 9:06 PM
1 mom liked this

No Way!! I refuse to believe it. My baby girls would NEVER look up such a thing....

Quoting jewjewbee: Funny. Any kid past the 5th grade that has a cell phone has seen either boobs, a penis or a completely naked girl. Just saying.... Welcome to 2018


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jan. 3, 2018 at 12:09 AM

OMG that's so funny!  I've got one for you.

DD1 and DD2 come into the kitchen.  DD1 is younger and always the sacrifice.

DD1: Mom, what's a blow job?
Me: (about to choke) well honey, it's actually called felacio 
DD!: What's that?
DD2 sits on the couch within hearing distance.
Me: Well, it when someone  takes a guys penis and puts it in their mouth...
DD2 (from the couch): Sounds like giving head.
DD1: Yeah it does.
ME (appalled): Well that's another name for it, where did you hear that name?
DD1: In a book (I apparently bought them)
DD2: who would want to do that?
DD1: Yeah?  I mean that's just gross do guys like that?
ME (throwing hubby who isnt here under the bus): Umm.. you'd have to ask a guy...
DD1: Yeah it's gross, you wouldn't want to do that would you?
ME (grabbing my keys): Do you need anything at the store, I forgot something.

I took off out of there like a bat out of hell and the conversation didn't start up until the dinner table where they cornered their dad!

RaeMarie
by on Jan. 3, 2018 at 8:56 AM

LOL It happens. Mine are going to see one at some point. When my dd saw a sex scene with her father (Deadpool maybe?) she was mortified. I laughed. She knew there would be some sexual situations because we always look up a movie before going to see. 

Oh, and we watched Bad Grandpa as a family--all 3 generations of us! ROFL

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2018 at 1:08 PM

The last two lines of your conversation and the exit line...hilarious!!! I cracked up reading it yesterday and came back again today...too funny!

Quoting fantasticfour:

OMG that's so funny!  I've got one for you.

DD1 and DD2 come into the kitchen.  DD1 is younger and always the sacrifice.

DD1: Mom, what's a blow job?Me: (about to choke) well honey, it's actually called felacio DD!: What's that?DD2 sits on the couch within hearing distance.Me: Well, it when someone  takes a guys penis and puts it in their mouth...DD2 (from the couch): Sounds like giving head.DD1: Yeah it does.ME (appalled): Well that's another name for it, where did you hear that name?DD1: In a book (I apparently bought them)DD2: who would want to do that?DD1: Yeah?  I mean that's just gross do guys like that?ME (throwing hubby who isnt here under the bus): Umm.. you'd have to ask a guy...DD1: Yeah it's gross, you wouldn't want to do that would you?ME (grabbing my keys): Do you need anything at the store, I forgot something.

I took off out of there like a bat out of hell and the conversation didn't start up until the dinner table where they cornered their dad!


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