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She Knows What a Penis Looks Like

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I can laugh now, but let me tell you I was having a heart attack last night.

Dd rented 50 Shades of Black which is a 50 Shades of Gray parody. She has NEVER seen the movie or read the book.  I knew there would be some sexual innuendos  but not the Full Monty.

There was a scene where this guy had a fake penis that when he stood up it hit the table and knocked stuff off.

Me: "OMG Sasha look away! (Jumps across couch to cover her eyes)

Sasha: "What the heck mom, why are you so extra? I know what a penis looks like. I've seen them before"

Me: "Who's penis have you seen? (Call dh's name and grabs phone.)

Sasha: OMG what are you doing? Are you texting T? I have never seen his, I swear!

Me: Then what penis did you see?

Sasha: I saw them with daddy.

Me: What the F*ck do you mean you saw a penis with daddy?!?! (Calls dh's name again) Why was daddy looking at penises? Why was daddy looking at penises with you? Where was I? Has M seen the penis too?

Dh: What is going on?

Sasha: I told mommy I saw a penis with you

Dh: Why did you tell her?!

Me: What the F is going on?! Dh you need to start talking before I get some scissors and cut you.

Dh: First calm down, it's not that serious. Second it was like two years ago at the movies.

Me: What? What movie?

Dh: Get Hard, I took her to see Get Hard and they showed like 3 penis scenes. I knew you'd get all dramatic about it. I was embaressed, I told her not to tell you about it so you didn't freak.

Dd: Sorry I forgot I wasn't suppose to tell her.

Me: So you haven't seen a penis in real life?

Dd: NO! That's disgusting. They look weird and how would I even see one. It's not like guys just go around pulling them out and showing them to people.

Me and Dh at the same time: Some do..

So that's my penis story. I will admit I over reacted. But I've always been a bit dramatic if you guys hadn't noticed. Plus what is the right way to respond to their teen daughter telling them they saw a penis with their dad?!

by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 11:57 AM
Replies (11-14):
by Grumpy on Jan. 4, 2018 at 11:48 PM

Husband thought it was funny until he got home and sat down to dinner and they wanted to know why guys liked it!  That's when I thought it was funny!!

Quoting ejwhite_99: 

The last two lines of your conversation and the exit line...hilarious!!! I cracked up reading it yesterday and came back again today...too funny!

Quoting fantasticfour:

OMG that's so funny!  I've got one for you.

DD1 and DD2 come into the kitchen.  DD1 is younger and always the sacrifice.

DD1: Mom, what's a blow job?Me: (about to choke) well honey, it's actually called felacio DD!: What's that?DD2 sits on the couch within hearing distance.Me: Well, it when someone  takes a guys penis and puts it in their mouth...DD2 (from the couch): Sounds like giving head.DD1: Yeah it does.ME (appalled): Well that's another name for it, where did you hear that name?DD1: In a book (I apparently bought them)DD2: who would want to do that?DD1: Yeah?  I mean that's just gross do guys like that?ME (throwing hubby who isnt here under the bus): Umm.. you'd have to ask a guy...DD1: Yeah it's gross, you wouldn't want to do that would you?ME (grabbing my keys): Do you need anything at the store, I forgot something.

I took off out of there like a bat out of hell and the conversation didn't start up until the dinner table where they cornered their dad!

by Member on Jan. 5, 2018 at 1:02 AM
1 mom liked this

Hate to burst your bubble, but this kind of thing has been going on for way longer than the 21st century.  Back in the dark ages (that would be 1970's) when I was in the 4th grade, a friend of mine came to school with a magazine she found under her brother's bed (yep, that kind of magazine).  She opened it to a page with a full page picture of a woman performing oral sex on a man.  The details may change (print vs. digital), but the story remains the same.  Kids are gonna see stuff.

Quoting jewjewbee: Funny. Any kid past the 5th grade that has a cell phone has seen either boobs, a penis or a completely naked girl. Just saying.... Welcome to 2018

by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2018 at 8:16 PM
I love it when they are young enough to think a penis is disgusting lol. I miss that. Actually my daughter, 18, still thinks they are weird to look at lol
by Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 7:47 PM

Both my daughters are very open with me and my DD18 I know has been involved with boys more than my youngest DD16, but they have both seen a penis before. They are both very responsible kids and because I know they are open with me if they ever have any questions they will feel comfortable coming to me.

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