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DONE

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2018 at 12:27 PM
  • 25 Replies
1 mom liked this

DS is 16 will be 17 in two months. DS is a well behaved kid, at school, out of of our home. At home though, he has serious atttiude problem. His growing sense of entitlement and unappreciative attitude has caused some serious tension in our relationship with him. Basically, he doesn't think he should have to pay for anything on his own. He thinks it is our "job" as HIS parents to pay for all his "needs". But DS regularly confuses wants with actual needs. The last couple of years, have just been constant arguments about not buying him a car; not buying him a new saxophone; all the things we make him pay for that his friend's parents don't make them pay for; making him get a job, blah, blah, blah. I don't even want to get started on all the little shit he does that we ask him not to. It's like there is some switch in his brain, that turns off when we ask him not to do something or ask him to do something in a certain way. He almost always does the exact opposite. He will tell us it's not on purpose. At that point I am like "IF YOU ARE STILL DOING SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE ASKED YOU NOT TO DO 55 TIMES..THEN IT'S ON EFFING PURPOSE!!". Additionally, his grades aren't good either. He has straight C's, not because he is of average intelligence, because he skips assignments and refuses to study for tests.

He wants all the freedoms and liberties of being an adult, but he does not want any of the responsibilities. Typical teenager, I know, but we have reached our ending point. Like we cannot, for our own sanity and happiness, continue dealing with this bullshit behavior. It's CONSTANT. I know, teenagers have all these hormones and it's a hard time for them as well. But at some point, he has to accept that we provide the life he has and we can take it away in an instant. So short of making him move out, we told him he had to pay for ALL of his needs and wants. We will provide shelter, food, personal hygiene, and some of his clothes. Other than that, we aren't paying for shit anymore. He can figure it out himself. We are done being treated like an ATM. We are done being disrespected. We are DONE!


Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

by on Jan. 31, 2018 at 12:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chicken13
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 12:44 PM
You sound very frustrated. Hugs.
GloBug62
by Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 12:51 PM


Quoting chicken13: You sound very frustrated. Hugs.

Thanks, God knows I love him, but we are extremely frustrating at this point. This is after trying a lot of other approaches first.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 31, 2018 at 12:59 PM

Don't give him anything but some food and a roof over his head.  Do you pay for his phone?  If so stop paying.  He has no freedom if he isn't respectful and doesn't help out.  He doesn't go out or do anything and if he has access to a car do not give that either.  

GloBug62
by Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 1:17 PM


Quoting atlmom2:

Don't give him anything but some food and a roof over his head.  Do you pay for his phone?  If so stop paying.  He has no freedom if he isn't respectful and doesn't help out.  He doesn't go out or do anything and if he has access to a car do not give that either.  

We gave him a "warning" period of time as to which he would start paying for his own bills. If he decides to be irresponsible with his his money, he will go without a phone. If he can't afford his insurance, he will not be allowed to drive. We have gone the route of being super strict, taking away every privilege and so forth. This only makes him act out worse. So we are trying the opposite. Real world consequences in the real world. We will give him the freedom he wants, but freedom isn't free. Hopefully, he will learn soon enough that being an "adult" isn't just about not having to answer to your parents.  

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

romalove
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 1:23 PM
He plays saxophone; is it important to him? What are his activities that he cares about? Does he have post high school plans?
atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 31, 2018 at 1:25 PM

How long is your warning period because it seems like nothing is working so far? 


Quoting GloBug62:

Quoting atlmom2:

Don't give him anything but some food and a roof over his head.  Do you pay for his phone?  If so stop paying.  He has no freedom if he isn't respectful and doesn't help out.  He doesn't go out or do anything and if he has access to a car do not give that either.  

We gave him a "warning" period of time as to which he would start paying for his own bills. If he decides to be irresponsible with his his money, he will go without a phone. If he can't afford his insurance, he will not be allowed to drive. We have gone the route of being super strict, taking away every privilege and so forth. This only makes him act out worse. So we are trying the opposite. Real world consequences in the real world. We will give him the freedom he wants, but freedom isn't free. Hopefully, he will learn soon enough that being an "adult" isn't just about not having to answer to your parents.  


GloBug62
by Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 2:28 PM

1 month

Quoting atlmom2:

How long is your warning period because it seems like nothing is working so far? 


Quoting GloBug62:

Quoting atlmom2:

Don't give him anything but some food and a roof over his head.  Do you pay for his phone?  If so stop paying.  He has no freedom if he isn't respectful and doesn't help out.  He doesn't go out or do anything and if he has access to a car do not give that either.  

We gave him a "warning" period of time as to which he would start paying for his own bills. If he decides to be irresponsible with his his money, he will go without a phone. If he can't afford his insurance, he will not be allowed to drive. We have gone the route of being super strict, taking away every privilege and so forth. This only makes him act out worse. So we are trying the opposite. Real world consequences in the real world. We will give him the freedom he wants, but freedom isn't free. Hopefully, he will learn soon enough that being an "adult" isn't just about not having to answer to your parents.  



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 31, 2018 at 2:31 PM

That is what I would have said to.  You got a month to shape up and change or your head will roll.  


Quoting GloBug62:

1 month

Quoting atlmom2:

How long is your warning period because it seems like nothing is working so far? 


Quoting GloBug62:

Quoting atlmom2:

Don't give him anything but some food and a roof over his head.  Do you pay for his phone?  If so stop paying.  He has no freedom if he isn't respectful and doesn't help out.  He doesn't go out or do anything and if he has access to a car do not give that either.  

We gave him a "warning" period of time as to which he would start paying for his own bills. If he decides to be irresponsible with his his money, he will go without a phone. If he can't afford his insurance, he will not be allowed to drive. We have gone the route of being super strict, taking away every privilege and so forth. This only makes him act out worse. So we are trying the opposite. Real world consequences in the real world. We will give him the freedom he wants, but freedom isn't free. Hopefully, he will learn soon enough that being an "adult" isn't just about not having to answer to your parents.  



GloBug62
by Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 2:39 PM

Yeah, he's pretty involved in band. He's drum major and section leader. Neither one of those things we can just take away, as they are assigned to him by his teacher. We can limit or not allow him to attend certain after school band events, which we have in the passed. But there a lot of band events that they are required to attend and get graded on. So that one is difficult to limit or take away.

There are no other activities he is involved in. He is still deciding between pursuing law enforcement or band directing.

The kid needs a reality check. After trying everything else, it seems as though taking away all his financial support is the last option.

Quoting romalove: He plays saxophone; is it important to him? What are his activities that he cares about? Does he have post high school plans?


Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

GloBug62
by Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 2:40 PM

We are hoping he takes it seriously, but if not, that's a lesson for him to learn. We can't keep going around in circles with him.

Quoting atlmom2:

That is what I would have said to.  You got a month to shape up and change or your head will roll.  


Quoting GloBug62:

1 month

Quoting atlmom2:

How long is your warning period because it seems like nothing is working so far? 


Quoting GloBug62:

Quoting atlmom2:

Don't give him anything but some food and a roof over his head.  Do you pay for his phone?  If so stop paying.  He has no freedom if he isn't respectful and doesn't help out.  He doesn't go out or do anything and if he has access to a car do not give that either.  

We gave him a "warning" period of time as to which he would start paying for his own bills. If he decides to be irresponsible with his his money, he will go without a phone. If he can't afford his insurance, he will not be allowed to drive. We have gone the route of being super strict, taking away every privilege and so forth. This only makes him act out worse. So we are trying the opposite. Real world consequences in the real world. We will give him the freedom he wants, but freedom isn't free. Hopefully, he will learn soon enough that being an "adult" isn't just about not having to answer to your parents.  




Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

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