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OT - married to a identity thief, how to escape

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2018 at 8:27 AM
  • 7 Replies

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So...  I'm trying to help out a relative. He was married to a woman who stole his identity and used it to open credit cards and ring up large balances.  She is of the type that didn't want to work, only spend. He worked six days a week often during off hours so she was left alone to do as she pleases with the finances. So basically she ruined his credit and he had to file bankruptcy. She also stole money from family members all the time. However we never could catch her in the act. This went on for years and years. 

Finally he divorced her, she moves out with the teenage child and gets her own place.  He is paying her child support and she has a job and a car that he provided.  The child support is supposed to pay the rent and all she has to do is pay for the utilities, food, gas, etc..  

Now she is going back to him saying she's 3 months behind on the rent and took a title loan out on the car and she's about to loose everything. She wants to move back in with him for six months to save money.  Grrrr....  I've advised him to not give her another dime and definitely not to let her back in the house. Its a mystery to what she did with the money he provided to her. 

However he is worried about the child.  He has offered to let the teen move back in with him but she won't.  The ex has relatives that live out of state she could move in with but won't. 

This situation will go on and on... 

Has anyone had a similar experience?  I'm trying to think of ways to get him out of this situation. Are there resources that help with things like this? 


by on Feb. 7, 2018 at 8:27 AM
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Replies (1-7):
heybooboo
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this

What does the kid want?

Honestly, he should probably file for custody given Mom can't keep afloat on her own, and let her handle her own problems.

I hope he has his identity flagged by the credit bureaus.  And a Tax ID Number, instead of his social for federal and state taxes (DH has to do this because his identity was stolen a few years ago and federal taxes were fraudulently filed under his SSN.

As far as communicating with the EX, it should ONLY be about the kid and only via email or text.  

hotspice58
by Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 11:06 AM

This.  If mom can't pay utilities on her own, dad should file for custody.

Quoting heybooboo:

What does the kid want?

Honestly, he should probably file for custody given Mom can't keep afloat on her own, and let her handle her own problems.

I hope he has his identity flagged by the credit bureaus.  And a Tax ID Number, instead of his social for federal and state taxes (DH has to do this because his identity was stolen a few years ago and federal taxes were fraudulently filed under his SSN.

As far as communicating with the EX, it should ONLY be about the kid and only via email or text.  


atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2018 at 11:10 AM

I agree with this.  

Quoting heybooboo:

What does the kid want?

Honestly, he should probably file for custody given Mom can't keep afloat on her own, and let her handle her own problems.

I hope he has his identity flagged by the credit bureaus.  And a Tax ID Number, instead of his social for federal and state taxes (DH has to do this because his identity was stolen a few years ago and federal taxes were fraudulently filed under his SSN.

As far as communicating with the EX, it should ONLY be about the kid and only via email or text.  


birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 11:22 AM

The kid wants to stay with her mom.  She hasn't been very nice to him and not surprisingly is following in her mother's footsteps. 

I agree about filing for custody but he may loose.  He works 12 hours shifts 4 - 6 days in a row. 


He has his identity flaged but she stole the mail with the pin numbers to unflag it.  

Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 9:32 PM

One of the questions I would have is, “How old is the son?”

 

One of the problems of child custody is that the child is often unaware of the true facts and the question becomes is it worth the damage done by fighting to do the fighting over custody. I’ve heard of parents literally dropping a mere $100,000 plus into legal fees on both sides and the courts often have a standard formula that they apply, without much regard for the legal arguments of the very well paid attorneys.

 

If, and this is a big if, I did anything to help, it would be to buy the debt on the title from the loan company, thereby making it very difficult for her to borrow on the car again until I was paid for the debt. In our state the debtor gets a title that shows an outstanding debt on the car, which tends to diminish the desire of anybody to lend more money on the car until they can be given a clear title.  

 

In our state, the court establishes an amount of money to be paid in child support, without any limits on where it is spent. It may be that he offered a larger amount than required with the understanding that she would use it on rent. If, and this is another big if, I did anything it would be to to bring the rent current, and send the check directly to the landlord in the future. However, this may not be proper under the divorce agreement, so I would check with the court on this, which may require the services of an attorney. One thing about the courts, which should be kept in mind, is that courts like to keep things very simple, like was the correct amount of money sent to the mother directly. They don’t like to get into checking details like the money went to the landlord, etcetera.

 

I live with four lawyers, who refuse to even discuss family issues with friends and family because it just sucks.


birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 1:23 PM

The child is 15.  So not almost out of the house but not a baby either. 

I tried the whole the check be paid to the landlord route but legally its not an option because child support is supposed to go for the child. 

Interesting about the title.  i'll have to look into it.  I have no idea what a title pawn even is.  lol. This is different world to me. 

1kidmomajm
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 6:00 PM

The courts should be involved. 

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