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Dh, ugh

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2018 at 11:47 AM
  • 25 Replies

So most of you know dh retired almost 2 years ago.  We are in FL till May

I do things without him and we do things together.  He FINALLY went to Bocce last week and had a great time.  I don't do it.  So I asked him if he was going today again and he rode with the neighbor last week.  He acted like he just didn't know.  I do not get how lazy he can be.  He smokes 2 cigars a day and plays some stupid game on his ipad.  How can that be fullfilling after the work he did for 32 years?  Yes we have something to go to tonight after Bocce but why not go?  He may get some consulting work and be gone and he will go take care of his Mom all of April so why not take advantage of any good day he could go do something WITHOUT me and have some fun.  ANYTHING I have a chance to do without him I do, lol.  I play Bunco and have 2 ladies lunches a month and also scrapbook with friends anytime I have an opportunity to do so.  Will update if he decides to go.  

by on Feb. 7, 2018 at 11:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jewjewbee
by Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 12:18 PM
I am so sorry this is what is happening. So many couples divorce when the man retires, not that this will happen to you but it is factual.
I don't want to give advice but one of the two of you has to get a job or start volunteering somewhere to get away on a regular basis for a significant amount of time.
Statistics used to show that the average American male died 2 years after retirement IF he did nothing but stay home all day. I don't know what they are now we are living longer these days.
For your sanity and his, find something to do on a regular basis. If my husband retired any time soon I'd probably kill him. LOL God Bless!
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2018 at 12:27 PM

Woo hoo.   The neighbor texted and he is going.  I have a feeling he wouldn't have gone if he didn't text.  Yipppeeeeee

Then after we go to sunset celebration at the beach.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2018 at 12:28 PM

Hard to volunteer when we live between 2 states.  I hope dh takes and gets this consulting job.  It would only be 6 weeks probably but hey it will be awesome money and he will be traveling a lot for it.  


Quoting jewjewbee: I am so sorry this is what is happening. So many couples divorce when the man retires, not that this will happen to you but it is factual. I don't want to give advice but one of the two of you has to get a job or start volunteering somewhere to get away on a regular basis for a significant amount of time. Statistics used to show that the average American male died 2 years after retirement IF he did nothing but stay home all day. I don't know what they are now we are living longer these days. For your sanity and his, find something to do on a regular basis. If my husband retired any time soon I'd probably kill him. LOL God Bless!


chicken13
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:13 PM

Don't rule volunteering out!!!

He could do grant writing for any number of organizations.  It's time consuming and complicated and doesn't require you to live anywhere specific.  I assume that after all those years in business he can write a proposal.  I do it for an animal rescue.

Or....I do work for our local affiliate of the Salvation Army.  I help organize several events including bell ringing.  

I split time between 2 states as well.  Although it is easier for me to just pop back to one state then you, most things can be handled via phone/internet.  

Quoting atlmom2:

Hard to volunteer when we live between 2 states.  I hope dh takes and gets this consulting job.  It would only be 6 weeks probably but hey it will be awesome money and he will be traveling a lot for it.  


Quoting jewjewbee: I am so sorry this is what is happening. So many couples divorce when the man retires, not that this will happen to you but it is factual. I don't want to give advice but one of the two of you has to get a job or start volunteering somewhere to get away on a regular basis for a significant amount of time. Statistics used to show that the average American male died 2 years after retirement IF he did nothing but stay home all day. I don't know what they are now we are living longer these days. For your sanity and his, find something to do on a regular basis. If my husband retired any time soon I'd probably kill him. LOL God Bless!



atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:22 PM

He would like to be on a board but that takes some networking he hasn't really done yet.  

I have volunteered with a non profit in WI but the problem with that is their main time they do things is January and Feb and I am gone.  I still participate and do things when I can and go to fall meetings and sometimes we do fun outings with the group of ladies.  

I hope this job goes through and he is busy the next couple months some and he enjoys it.  Then he has to take care of his Mom for April then we go back to WI.  

We are actually busier here in FL than we are in WI.  Guess there is more to do here for one thing.  

I think he needs a hobby.  He loves military history but says that doing re enactments would keep him too busy.  He wants to start traveling a lot but as he dreams of all that it isn't going to keep us that busy.  He has trips he wants to go on I don't want to.  He really wants to go to China for a month and maybe Peru for 2 or 3 weeks and of course we have trips we want to do with both of us as well, Australia, New Zealand Greece, Italy.  We are going in  the fall to Germany and Ireland for 2 weeks.  Trips make it hard to get a job or volunteer some also.  I think he would like to travel a ton but we will see if we do more than 1 or 2 trips a year besides some local short trips.  This summer we have more to do on the house which will make it hard to travel this summer except for some local trips in WI which we do need to do.  We haven't seen much of WI since we moved there in 2005, lol.  

Oh he got a gun when he retired and has only been to the gun club 3 times.  He needs to do that more often too.  His work buddies bought it for him.  





Quoting chicken13:

Don't rule volunteering out!!!

He could do grant writing for any number of organizations.  It's time consuming and complicated and doesn't require you to live anywhere specific.  I assume that after all those years in business he can write a proposal.  I do it for an animal rescue.

Or....I do work for our local affiliate of the Salvation Army.  I help organize several events including bell ringing.  

I split time between 2 states as well.  Although it is easier for me to just pop back to one state then you, most things can be handled via phone/internet.  

Quoting atlmom2:

Hard to volunteer when we live between 2 states.  I hope dh takes and gets this consulting job.  It would only be 6 weeks probably but hey it will be awesome money and he will be traveling a lot for it.  


Quoting jewjewbee: I am so sorry this is what is happening. So many couples divorce when the man retires, not that this will happen to you but it is factual. I don't want to give advice but one of the two of you has to get a job or start volunteering somewhere to get away on a regular basis for a significant amount of time. Statistics used to show that the average American male died 2 years after retirement IF he did nothing but stay home all day. I don't know what they are now we are living longer these days. For your sanity and his, find something to do on a regular basis. If my husband retired any time soon I'd probably kill him. LOL God Bless!




PinkButterfly66
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:27 PM

I can be completely happy doing nothing.  I can completely relate to him.  

ljmom24
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:31 PM
What did he do before he retired?

I could so see dh being like this but he’s working outside most of the day. To some extent my dad was like that for about a year after he closed his store. He really needed time to decompress. He’d been getting up at 5 and working 12 plus hour days 5-6 days a week since he was a teen. He would have kept the shop open but the economy wasn’t good at the time and he was losing money. He did to recover physically and mentally. He also wasn’t ready to be the retired guy hanging out at coffee shop or mall all day.

It took a while but he found some things he liked doing and went back to work part time. For him it was hard too cause he had friends that still worked. Takes time to find your groove when you change lifestyles. Just keep at it, he’ll figure out his way. Also check in with how he’s feeling not working. There might be more to the homebody then being lazy.
chicken13
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:32 PM

Sounds like he just doesn't know what he wants to do when he grows up.  It can be hard...

I know I struggled to find activities I enjoyed after I retired.  I just kept trying new things....eventually I found a few that I liked and those stuck.

There are lots of ways to volunteer and most don't mind if you check in and out as long as you're upfront about it.  Working at any animal shelter every Thursday probably wouldn't work well.  But organizing a food pantry drive at a local school might.  

Just keep encouraging him to try new things....you don't want him to just sit and rot.

Quoting atlmom2:

He would like to be on a board but that takes some networking he hasn't really done yet.  

I have volunteered with a non profit in WI but the problem with that is their main time they do things is January and Feb and I am gone.  I still participate and do things when I can and go to fall meetings and sometimes we do fun outings with the group of ladies.  

I hope this job goes through and he is busy the next couple months some and he enjoys it.  Then he has to take care of his Mom for April then we go back to WI.  

We are actually busier here in FL than we are in WI.  Guess there is more to do here for one thing.  

I think he needs a hobby.  He loves military history but says that doing re enactments would keep him too busy.  He wants to start traveling a lot but as he dreams of all that it isn't going to keep us that busy.  He has trips he wants to go on I don't want to.  He really wants to go to China for a month and maybe Peru for 2 or 3 weeks and of course we have trips we want to do with both of us as well, Australia, New Zealand Greece, Italy.  We are going in  the fall to Germany and Ireland for 2 weeks.  Trips make it hard to get a job or volunteer some also.  I think he would like to travel a ton but we will see if we do more than 1 or 2 trips a year besides some local short trips.  This summer we have more to do on the house which will make it hard to travel this summer except for some local trips in WI which we do need to do.  We haven't seen much of WI since we moved there in 2005, lol.  

Oh he got a gun when he retired and has only been to the gun club 3 times.  He needs to do that more often too.  His work buddies bought it for him.  





Quoting chicken13:

Don't rule volunteering out!!!

He could do grant writing for any number of organizations.  It's time consuming and complicated and doesn't require you to live anywhere specific.  I assume that after all those years in business he can write a proposal.  I do it for an animal rescue.

Or....I do work for our local affiliate of the Salvation Army.  I help organize several events including bell ringing.  

I split time between 2 states as well.  Although it is easier for me to just pop back to one state then you, most things can be handled via phone/internet.  

Quoting atlmom2:

Hard to volunteer when we live between 2 states.  I hope dh takes and gets this consulting job.  It would only be 6 weeks probably but hey it will be awesome money and he will be traveling a lot for it.  


Quoting jewjewbee: I am so sorry this is what is happening. So many couples divorce when the man retires, not that this will happen to you but it is factual. I don't want to give advice but one of the two of you has to get a job or start volunteering somewhere to get away on a regular basis for a significant amount of time. Statistics used to show that the average American male died 2 years after retirement IF he did nothing but stay home all day. I don't know what they are now we are living longer these days. For your sanity and his, find something to do on a regular basis. If my husband retired any time soon I'd probably kill him. LOL God Bless!





atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:34 PM

He worked just about 365 days a year and through the week it was 14 to 16 hour days and then more work at home.  Yes he decompressed now it is time to move on some, lol.  Dh retired at 53 so he is young.  He may golf.  He got clubs a couple weeks ago but I can't see him ever golfing once a week or anything.  

Quoting ljmom24: What did he do before he retired? I could so see dh being like this but he’s working outside most of the day. To some extent my dad was like that for about a year after he closed his store. He really needed time to decompress. He’d been getting up at 5 and working 12 plus hour days 5-6 days a week since he was a teen. He would have kept the shop open but the economy wasn’t good at the time and he was losing money. He did to recover physically and mentally. He also wasn’t ready to be the retired guy hanging out at coffee shop or mall all day. It took a while but he found some things he liked doing and went back to work part time. For him it was hard too cause he had friends that still worked. Takes time to find your groove when you change lifestyles. Just keep at it, he’ll figure out his way. Also check in with how he’s feeling not working. There might be more to the homebody then being lazy.


atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2018 at 1:38 PM

We do exercise a lot but that is together.  We walk 3 miles on the beach 4 to 5 nights a week and go to the gym together as well.  I am trying to get him to do some things without me though, lol.  I am glad he decided to get his butt to bocce today.  


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