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Thoughts?

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2018 at 10:00 PM
  • 34 Replies

I have a 16yo daughter who pretty much reminds me of myself when I was her age (maturity may be a little bit younger or that could be because our living situation was different)...she is very headstrong, smart and can read people pretty good.  She has been working part time at McDonalds since she turned 14 and was legally allowed to work.  She started her own online business over the summer which surprisingly was very successful...but time consuming.  She is in her last year of school (Year 12) she does Airforce cadets and is thinking about joining the armed forces but has taken the OP levels (University entrance scores)  as a backup. 

Last month she bought a van from what is our Craigs list and has it parked up and does weekend work on it with her dad...her plan...she wants to finish school and do a lap around Australia by herself, living in her van and working seasonal work and using her online business as income.  Come home and join the Airforce or Army.

What do you do with this?  What would you say to your daughter?

Im kind of freaking out while at the same time a little proud....her father is having kittens and stomping around saying it aint gonna happen, its a stupid plan and no..you are still a kid.

When she finishes school and wants to do this...she will be 17 years 1 month old.  She will have just gotten her drivers licence (you have to have had your learners licence a year before you can get a full drivers licence)  Technically...she isnt even an adult.

Anyhoo...just wondering if you have any thoughts or ways you would deal with this.

by on Mar. 19, 2018 at 10:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MissAndree
by Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 10:26 PM
My daughter is definitely not ready for that level of independence, so I would be the one who was freaking out over that plan. But all kids are different, and can handle different levels of risk at that age. Your daughter may be one of them.
Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 12:00 AM

My dad always had a way with words. I recall asking him why he treated by brother different than my sister and I and he replied, “Because you and your sister are ‘the preferred sex of rape victims.’” Now that I’m older and have had two teen daughters, now 26 and 25 next Monday, I understand that point better than I did when I was 16 or 17. And my daughers understand it better now also.

 

Similar to that was when my brother wanted a motorcycle and my dad said NO! My sister and I have noticed that neither of my brothers sons got motorcycles.  Yes my brother became a mean old man, like our father.  LOL

 

My youngest SIL toyed with the idea of taking his pal, my oldest SIL, and our two daughters to a Siberian (aka Michigan) law school when they were all 16 and 17 because it was one of the few that allow admissions with two years of college and cram three years of law school into two calendar years. His dad took him aside and explained that it’s cold in Siberia, and three mothers would not allow it, and “if mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” LOL He also explained to him that when they came home from Siberia, they would still have to finish college because they would have no marketable skills, other than chasing ambulances and defending drunks and pimps. And did I mention it’s cold in Siberia (aka Michigan).

 

My point is that, I would take the position of your hubby and say NO for safety reasons. Here in the states, that will work until they turn eighteen, but I would try to explain it in a long conservation about her long term plans and what is best for her.   


turtle68
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 1:16 AM
1 mom liked this

My eldest daughter it would never have been even thought of, this one is very much like I was at her age only she is probably more grounded, I didnt have a backup plan of OP levels, left school way before I even could sit them.  

As much as it scares me...Im not as unhappy as my husband.

Quoting MissAndree: My daughter is definitely not ready for that level of independence, so I would be the one who was freaking out over that plan. But all kids are different, and can handle different levels of risk at that age. Your daughter may be one of them.


turtle68
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 3:15 AM

I think of my dad too when it comes to this issue....and it doesnt bode well for my daughter LOL

I did the same thing when I was 16 (only without a car) so I dont have much room to say no.  My father and mother didnt really have a problem with me leaving to backpack around Australia...other than to keep in touch (this was pre mobile phone times).  So I think back and the most problems I had were in relation to accommodation and she has that covered.  She will be online due to her business so she will be reachable and she has plans for going into the more desolate areas.  She really has thought it through...its more about letting go from me and I think you need more on the road driving before tackling the different types of driving (the road trains in central australia are scary to look at let alone be on the road with) and road rage issues throughout Australia.  Im hoping to get her to test a few weeks locally before doing the big trip.  Well that is my plan anyway.

Quoting Kimmybabe

My dad always had a way with words. I recall asking him why he treated by brother different than my sister and I and he replied, “Because you and your sister are ‘the preferred sex of rape victims.’” Now that I’m older and have had two teen daughters, now 26 and 25 next Monday, I understand that point better than I did when I was 16 or 17. And my daughers understand it better now also.

 

Similar to that was when my brother wanted a motorcycle and my dad said NO! My sister and I have noticed that neither of my brothers sons got motorcycles.  Yes my brother became a mean old man, like our father.  LOL

 

My youngest SIL toyed with the idea of taking his pal, my oldest SIL, and our two daughters to a Siberian (aka Michigan) law school when they were all 16 and 17 because it was one of the few that allow admissions with two years of college and cram three years of law school into two calendar years. His dad took him aside and explained that it’s cold in Siberia, and three mothers would not allow it, and “if mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” LOL He also explained to him that when they came home from Siberia, they would still have to finish college because they would have no marketable skills, other than chasing ambulances and defending drunks and pimps. And did I mention it’s cold in Siberia (aka Michigan).

 

My point is that, I would take the position of your hubby and say NO for safety reasons. Here in the states, that will work until they turn eighteen, but I would try to explain it in a long conservation about her long term plans and what is best for her.   


Valentina327
by on Mar. 20, 2018 at 3:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Interesting plan and perfect time to do something like that!
RaeMarie
by on Mar. 20, 2018 at 7:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I would be on the no side of that equation. My dd is 17 and 3 months now and even though she is a responsible mother she is not ready for that independance. Making even a dr appointment for the baby scares the pee out of her. Maybe after college....

jewjewbee
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this
wow, this is hard.
My son left at 17 right after highschool for college and did well, stayed gone on his own. He was a big guy though so I never worried about his safety.
My daughter will be leaving in July at 18 for college and will likely stay gone and then be on her own. I worry about her because she is very tiny.
Your situation is way out there, Australia! IDK about that, I think I would completely freak out and say " No ".
I left at 17 and never went back home and did just fine, lived in a very rough violent part of town and was alone almost all the time. So, it can be done with lots of prayer.
I would say looking at all of my personal experience, let her do it or at least try. Instead of letting her blame you for the rest of her life for regrets or the " what ifs " in life. Make sure her bank account has enough money just in case and stay in touch consistently. This is big, God Bless with whatever you guys choose.
Sydel
by Group Admin on Mar. 20, 2018 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I would ask her not to do it alone. I would see if her grandpa or another family member can join her. You can only prolong it for a year. Once she turns 18 she can do as she pleases so you have to be supportive but set limits. Ask her to be more realistic about the dangers and not sleep overnight in her van. Look into cheap hotels. Sit down and budget the cost to make sure she has enough in her savings to do this even if it's just for a few weeks. I would also encourage self defense classes and want her to have her CCW and a gun. But that's just me.  

lovingladyo4
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 9:11 AM

I can only offer my own personal opinion, but from the way I see it, she is still way too young to venture off like this all by herself. The idea sounds fabulous, her maturity level is commendable, her initiative is admirable, her drive is to be complimented, and her goals seems like they will not only compliment her, but fulfill her as well. But in my mind's eye, she is not fully prepared to venture off like this.

Even when she turns 18, she will still be very vulnerable to her world around her. Traveling alone enhances the risks. Not only that, but she is still under the authority of her father, and must obey his rules while she is living at home. Her dreams don't have to diminish just because the timetable changes. This is a huge decision and the pros and cons must be weighed out. A young single girl, just trying out life by herself for the first time, needs to stay under protection. She needs to stay under the covering of her father.

There is a lot more I could say on the topic, but I hope and pray you find the answer you are looking for. Ask God to give you His wisdom and guidance. We can't get through life without it. He will provide the answers.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this
I’d say no. But I also know that she could leave and unless she was a danger to herself, you wouldn’t be able to force her to come back. So I’d also find a compromise
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