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Well that’s a new twist

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2018 at 6:04 PM
  • 25 Replies
So I have 2 teen boys 16 (17 in may) and 15. I’d be lying to say they don’t have full blown fist fights. It’s been a while but apparently today was the day for one. As my husband and I are literally pulling them apart my 16 year old puffs up to his dad and starts yelling at him “hit me! Come on hit me! Come on. Don’t be a pussy hit me!” I reached around and snipped him on the chin. I sent him to the corner because wth else am I suppose to do? I made him stand there for quite a while because even in the corner he wouldn’t stop running his yap. At almost 17 is this pretty normal behavior? He’s gonna start challenging his dad? And I thought after the toddler years it got easier. Fml
by on Apr. 22, 2018 at 6:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MissAndree
by Member on Apr. 22, 2018 at 7:13 PM
2 moms liked this
I definitely would not handle that situation with more hitting and then standing in the corner. That is just bizarre.
cybcm
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2018 at 7:45 PM
2 moms liked this
This is not normal behaviour, no. Violence is not normal.
heybooboo
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2018 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this
My older 2 are 11 months apart, and bicker incessantly. I tend to send them to their rooms, because they just can't help themselves. But none of their arguments have ever turned physical. And neither have turned either dh or i.
Maime13
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2018 at 8:49 PM

What is your go to punishment for other, non-violent transgressions?

Have they always fought like this? If not, when did it start? Were they ever close with each other? If so, what changed? Is one more the instigator than the other? Do either of them tend to be in trouble for anything else or are they normal, happy, functioning humans in every way, shape and form except for this?

What is your normal reaction for these fights? What happens if they fight when no one is around, how does it end organically?


atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 23, 2018 at 12:04 AM
I have girls and thet never hit each other. Sounds like anger management is needed.
peekaboo813
by Member on Apr. 23, 2018 at 12:25 AM
3 moms liked this
I have a 17 year old and a 15 year old son too. They can get pretty mouthy but they do not physically fight each other nor do they challenge us to hit them etc. If my 17 year old did that to my DH we would turn his phone off and take away his car and he'd be digging ditches and doing some hard manual labor. He was told today that no matter how old he is as long as he's living under our roof he will be respectful andlive by our rules. If he can't be then he can leave if he can provide for himself like an independent man can. I understand your frustrations and it sucks this happened and I hope this stage passes soon for you.
turtle68
by Member on Apr. 23, 2018 at 12:58 AM
1 mom liked this

I remember my brother doing just that to my dad.  At nearly 18 my brother was 6'2" and wide my father was as big.  My dad never raised his hands to any of us kids.  But my brother went that one step further that day. It was two men confronting one another.  My brother may of had the balls and size to take it to my father....but my father had a life time of experience as well as being in the military for 20 years.  If people were laying bets...my brother was going to come out second best.

As a great father...he handled it with as little violence as he could.  Basically calmed my brother down with power (lifted him and kept him tight to the wall) and used pyschology aka he dared him to be the one that broke the parent bond.  As angry as my brother was....he wasnt stupid.  If he had thrown a punch my fathers way...I do see my dad throwing one back.  One thing  my dad never did was threaten.  I remember holding my breath and thinking ..oh my god X..just STFU and walk away...please please please.

I also have a niece and nophew who are pretty much hands on with their parenting.  They have boys that would fist fight all the time.  Im pretty sure in the heat of the moment all of their boys have tried it on with their mother and father...all have lost.

I dont judge.  As far as Im concerned I do know the difference between discipline and abuse...and if you arent abusing then you do what you believe is ok for your child.

I am like my father.  I dont threaten and I also would have no qualms laying my kid out if they dared come at me violently.  They know that as well.

IMO it is not "normal" behaviour....but it is not uncommon either.

May I ask what culture if any you are or from?  Sometimes IMO that can give understanding of what may be acceptable and "normal" ...not necessarily good.

rainiebelle
by Member on Apr. 23, 2018 at 1:10 AM
It is normal for a young man to have elevated testosterone and then on top of that the surge of adrenaline. They don't always know how to handle or control it yet.
Sending him off to cool down was a good idea. I would not have used the corner for a child that is almost 17 but whatever works. I would not have popped him in the chin but do understand in the moment things are heated but that is sending him the wrong message.
Teens are hard and confusing!
awbredux
by Allie on Apr. 23, 2018 at 8:26 AM

This.  

Quoting atlmom2: I have girls and thet never hit each other. Sounds like anger management is needed.


Sydel
by Group Admin on Apr. 23, 2018 at 8:44 AM

Growing up I had 5 female cousins all in a row. Between middle and high school there were fist fights. Of course I was in elementary watching this and thought it was the most exciting and hilarious thing.

Now that they are all adults they don't really talk to each other unless something is needed. They are still arguing and threatening each other on facebook.

As a parent I have always taught my girls to never say they hate one another and never raise a hand to each other. I don't think I could stand back and allow them to fight like that.

I feel like family counseling and anger management could benefit your boys but I'm concerned with their age it may be too late.

Maybe encourage them to go to a boxing ring and spar.

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