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The Sex talk, how did you have it?

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2009 at 11:58 PM
  • 14 Replies

When do you think is the best age to talk to your children and having sex, where babies come from, and STD's. And how is the best way to go about talking about all this?


This is what I did when I had “the talk” with DS. My birth children are 9 1/2 years apart ( I just say they are 10 years, that 6 myths doesn’t really make that much of a difference)

anyway I was pregnant with DD, I took this opportunity to talk to my DS about sex. I went to the library and found a great book on how to talk to your children about sex & pregnancy. It went great, DS asked all these great questions and I answered them and if I needed it I had picture's to show him. Since it was a book for kids, he understand it better. A few months ago DS & were talking and I reminded him about our talk and the book I used, he claims he doesn’t remember it but I think he does. I think he was just giving me a hard time.Does anyone know of a good book I can use when I talk to my DD about it? I have talked to her some already but I want to explain the entire thing now.

Thanks for your tips/advice and stories.






Look who is turning 40! I'm "over the hill" now LOL!

by on Apr. 16, 2009 at 11:58 PM
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by on Apr. 17, 2009 at 8:57 AM

Ok so the funny thing is I had the abreveated talk with my son when he was 6.  He was asking alot of questions and he was ahead for his age on how things worked.  I was homeschooling him and he finally asked...."Where do babies come from?"  I prayed about it and decided that honesty was the best policy.  Now I did not at the time go into great detail however, on our dry erase board, which was bolted to the wall in the KITCHEN...(his classroom at the time) I drew a picture of sperm (little balloons) and an egg and proceeded to explain what they did, well about two minutes into the drawing I realized I had used a sharpie instead of the dryerase marker!!!!  We had company coming over for dinner that night.....LOL!!!  My son is 12 now, and in the 8th grade.  To this day he still remembers the talk about the sperm and egg!!  He is fully aware of how it all works, we have chosen to be very honest and not shy away from questions.  One thing we did do was show him the NOVA special on Passing On your DNA, recently.  It is a fantastic documentary on how things work.  I will say that if you are embarrassed or think it will embarrass your child don't go to this video unless you have explained physically what happens to a man and woman....i.e. sexual organs, watch it first alone.  However, the video is VERY well done and very tactfull.  Our open communication with our son on the issue has made him less curious to go out and "experiment" because we are very firm in our values and have taught him that sex is a special gift between a man and woman and that it was designed for one purpose....procreation between a husband and wife, and for a husband and wife to share their bond of love.  This of course is because of our values. We have told him that unfortunately because there are individuals who do not share the same values we do or because there are just some bad people out there, there are consequences for not respecting sex, i.e. unplanned pregnancy, diseases, emotional duress and pornography, as well as sexual abuse.  Both my husband and I are very much of the belief that in today's society it is imparative to talk to your kids before they get into JR HIGH.  TV, movies and even the internet have jaded the value of sex and as parents if we don't educate them no one will.  Our son again has the best communication on the matter and I truely believe it is because of our honesty.

Marla Mabin

Artist & Children's Book Illustrator

by on Apr. 17, 2009 at 8:57 AM

My DD is not 12 yet and I have talked to her a little bit but I also want to do a more involved discussion over the summer. I haven't found a book yet but plan on looking for one, If you find one before I do let me know. If you watch Oprah according to Dr.Berman 10 is the right age. Personally I think that might be a little too young for a real involved discussion.

Natalieyellow ribbon

by on Apr. 17, 2009 at 11:05 AM

My ds is not shy, and when they started talking about their bodies in health class back in 5th grade, he was more than willing to share, lol.  He'd ask questions, and we'd answer truthfully.  I left a lot of it to my dh though, as I'm not as well versed on what goes on with teenage boys, lol.  I was embarrassed though...thought I was going to be the "cool" mom and have no problems, but I'd turn red and get a dumb smile on my face.  Or hide my face altogether..I know, not the way to respond.  But to be fair, there were usually many small children around, lol.  I didn't want to get too too into it around the kids that didn't have a need to know right then.  I hope I'm better at it when my next oldest starts asking.  He's going to be 8 next month, so I'm sure that the questions will start soon, lol.

by on Apr. 17, 2009 at 11:43 AM

i have 3 teen boys i never talked to them over it they just knew and they are taught at school  over stds our kids no i just stay very open about sex it works


by on Apr. 17, 2009 at 1:35 PM

I talked to my girls about sex, drugs, alcohol, from a early age... age appropriate conversation starting about 4. 

LOL,  however, the most memorable conversation I had was with my youngest at the age of nine.  She wanted to go live with her Dad.  I said OK, but promise me four things.  1. You continue to make straight A's.  She responded, "OK".  2. You won't use drugs and alcohol. She said, "OK",  3. You graduate from high school.  "OK" and 4. You won't have a baby before you finish high school.  She responds... "Oh, No!!!  Mommy I can't promise you that!"  I said "what?!!! You can't promise me that... why?"" She says,   "Because Mommy, I might kiss a boy and something might happen."  I then, said "if something happens, it happens is because you let it happen!!".  I went to get a mirror.  I held the mirror up to her, so she could only see  herself.  I said.  See this?  See this!!!  This is the last baby I' m raising!!!!  And proceed to talk about what could happen.

I then went to my room.  I laughed and said to myself "I don't believe that I just had this conversation with a nine year old".  I believe in teachable moments and truly that  that was one of those.



Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn  or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.”  

                                                                   ~Denis Waitley~
by on Apr. 17, 2009 at 3:35 PM

I dont have any books....

I just talk...about the issue at hand....

I didnt have to do the talk until their around 12-13 years old

and of course it continues when they think their READY

i am glad i have an open realtionship with the kids to know...they can tell me "their ready"

even though im my heart of hearts...i want to crawl under a rock and hide.

i just explain to them the ..why's and why not's about the whole nowadays...know more than we do sometimes about the issue...peer etc.. 

by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 10:53 AM

Our children started learning about sex in 3rd or 4th grade, their schools offered to them. Then I think each year they talked about it at least once in school, of coarse it was an option for them to set out but I think it was important for them to take part. We try to be open about the topic at home also. When I would take my daughter somewhere to hang out with friends I would always remind her to make wise choices, them to continue to remind her not to be pressured and about the consequences. It did make her uncomfortable sometimes, but I hope she will be comfortable enough to come to me if she needs. My son on the other hand would probably go to his dad :) Maybe if more parents would talk with their children about sex and protection there wouldn't be so many teen pregnancies.

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:06 AM

You should be having age appropriate talks with your children since birth (really I say birth, but it's as soon as they can communicate with you).

age appropriate talks happen when they start discovering themselves in the bath tub and sticking hands down their diapers. 

Get a book.

by Susie on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:15 AM
It is a process and it doesn't end till they are adults.
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by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:33 AM
I think my son was about 8, and I was just pretty straight up about it. It was awkward the first time, but we talk about that stuff pretty frequently now, so its not as uncomfortable. We started with how babies are made, a few facts about sex, why its important to really care for the person you have sex with, how it affects relationships, etc. and as he got older we went into more detail about what to expect, how to know when you're ready, why I believe in waiting till marriage, what to do when he thinks he's ready, how to get protection, that even though I don't want him to have sex i would rather him talk to me about it instead of hiding it, that I am willing to help him get protection if he needs it, and we googled picture of what STDs can look like, what they can do to a person, and statistics about STDs. Its an ongoing thing. If you're open and don't let them see that you're uncomfortable, they'll talk to you about it. Be prepared for questions about oral sex, what sex feels like, why everyone wants to do it, all that stuff. I personally don't like to use a book, because I feel like it gives the message that they should not talk to me about it and that they should find information on their own, which is exactly what I don't want them to do. But I know a lot of parents who have had success with books about it. I think it just depends on what works for you and your family.
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