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My daughter smokes pot???!!!

Posted by on May. 21, 2009 at 9:02 PM
  • 37 Replies

Ok Ladies, I really need your help with this. My 18 yr old daughter just admitted to me that she smokes pot.  When she told me I didn't freak out. I didn't yell or scream. I told her how I felt, the health implications, legalities. I told her what I went through to keep her away from that world. I told her I hoped she was smarter than that etc. I also told her I better NEVER find out there is or has been pot in my house, and that I DO NOT want her in this house stoned. I have a 14 and 10 to think of as well. This was last night.

Today I don't feel very positive about the way I handled it. I wonder if I should have freaked a little. I am disgusted and tired. I am thinking of starting doing random drug testing on her. They have the kits at the drug store. I am thinking that if the test comes back positive or she refuses to take it I should tell her to get out.  I am soo sad. She is about to graduate and go to college. I am throwing her a big graduation party and have bought her a really great gift. Now however I just don't feel like she deserves any of it. 

i really don't know what to do. How big a deal should I make of this? If I push the issue too much she will simply move in with her grandfather, my father. He has already given her permission and apparently knew she was smoking and never told me. I hate feeling powerless when my daughter is messing up her life.

Any advice ladies?



by on May. 21, 2009 at 9:02 PM
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by on May. 21, 2009 at 9:17 PM

I think its really great you didnt freak out!!! You handled it in a very mature way.

I really think the random drug testing thing is going too far.  It stays in your system a little more than 30 days.  Also, if she is around anyone who smokes, the test will come back positive.

I really wouldnt say she is "ruining her life".  I think thats going a bit too far.  However, I would have a talk with her grandfather.  He had a right to tell you the moment he knew.


it's not having what you's wanting what you've got.


by on May. 21, 2009 at 9:34 PM

You did very well. I would have freaked out if it were my son. I would however (I think) tell her it is forbidden from now on and do random drug testing on her. It is for her own good that she stop now rather than later.

Good luck.


by on May. 21, 2009 at 10:58 PM

Thank you ladies for your input. I still feel so crappy about it all.  I really don't know what I am going to do about it all. I think I am still in shock or something. As far as her grandfather goes I am so pissed at him.  This is not the first time my parents have behaved this way. He not only knew about the pot smoking but her gave her permission to move into his house and to bring her pot head friend with her.  All without a word to me. 

by on May. 21, 2009 at 11:55 PM
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I think that you handled the situation very well. However, the random drug testing I think is going a little to far. You are going to have to put some trust in your dd not to have it around the house and such. After all, she was honest about it in telling you in the first place. She is still the same person, just that you know about her bad choice shouldn't change how you feel about her. Maybe she just needs you more now than ever, that's why she told you. Maybe if you keep an open mind and can talk to her like you did, she will come around and stop smoking the stuff. Keep your heart and eyes open. You're not alone. There are many families out there that are going through this too.

by on May. 22, 2009 at 1:08 AM

I believe staying calm about the situation was the best thing you could have done.  Freaking out yelling does not get any parent very far w/ any child.  My husband and I both are against our children using drugs of any kind, but I have to say if one of the kids told me they had been smoking some pot I would feel a lot better than if they had told me they were out drinking & driving at the age of 18. I never hear about parents saying I'm going to give my kids a random breathalyzer. 

Stick to your guns and do what you feel is best, but you said it yourself she is graduating and getting ready to go to college, she is going to be making her own choices then, and I believe there are many worse things out there for you to be concerned about.

Good Luck.

by on May. 22, 2009 at 3:46 AM

Well, a little freaking out at least shows her that it is a serious matter, but I agree you have to find an approach to the problem you are dealing with.

You say she is 18.  Is she otherwise a good student, ambitious, good decisions?   And In what context and how often does your daughter smoke pot?  

The last two questions would be important in my mind.   Alot of kids smoke pot, or drink... it's a teen 'rite of passage' if you ask me, at least for about 90% of them!!   What would worry me is how often and for what reason?  Yes it is always illegal, not good for you health and certainly one must never drive when they have smoked/drank.    But is something she does every now and then with friends at a party to relax (again, 'rite of passage') OR is she doing it to escape life (in which case it can lead to other drugs, addiction, etc.)??

She is 18 (so she is legally responsible) and she is going to college (so it sounds like she has some goals/ambition in life).   If pot is becoming a bad habit, then I think you need to have her see a doctor etc.  If it is occassional, IMO, I would advise her against it and set the rules about not having it in the house, not driving, etc....  but maybe in her long term interest, she is better if she is still living in your house and going to college with your blessing.

As for the graduation, privately I'd tell her that it was like a punch in the stomach to find out she smokes, but still focus and reward her for the achivements of the last 12 years and an overall good attitude/ambitions about the future (assuming that is the case).   I'd even play a little guilt on her by saying (assuming its the case) with all she has done up to know and all she wants to achieve, she will certainly quickly realize what a mistake it is to smoke pot, etc. etc.  

Of course, if she is obnoxious about it, has a bad attitude and otherwise is not making good choices in life, well maybe send her to grandpa's so she can see a different perspective on life, and you can focus on keeping a healthy relationship/environment for your younger kids.

I look forward to hearing how it all turns out!

by on May. 22, 2009 at 11:40 AM

oohhhhh i am sorrry hon...

i woulda gave her a yellllliiiiinnnn


by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:26 PM

I think you did great by being calm.  I'm not sure I could be.  I've grown up with a bunch of aunts and uncles who still...some of them now into their 50s and 60s....smoke pot.  My mom is the only sibling who doesn't.  I have never felt the desire to try it.  Being around it bothers me, but it also forces me to explain to my kids that it's bad and they should know better (no, the family does NOT do it around the kids at all).  I think that you handled it really well, and that like a pp said, still reward her for the good she's done, but telling her you are disappointed in her poor judgement will probably go further than yelling and cursing at her.  I know my kids hate when I tell them I'm disappointed in them for some reason...but when I kind of rolls off of their backs.  :)  Keep us updated hun....((HUGS))

by on May. 22, 2009 at 3:45 PM

You did fine .. Personally, I would be disappointed in her grandfather.

Quoting Ksant:  If I push the issue too much she will simply move in with her grandfather, my father. He has already given her permission and apparently knew she was smoking and never told me. I hate feeling powerless when my daughter is messing up her life.

Any advice ladies?



by on May. 22, 2009 at 8:21 PM

Thanks for everything ladies..I think I am starting to calm down.  Yes, her grandfather is an idiot but there isn't too much I can do about that. At first I wanted to call him and completely bi*ch him out but now I realize I would be wasting my breath.  

This morning she wanted money for "Spring Fling" at school. I felt terrible but I just couldn't give her cash.  She was pretty mad but too bad.  I explained to her how I was feeling and left it at that. 

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