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15 year old daughter wants to go to drive-ins with 17 year old boyfried. suggestions?

Posted by on May. 24, 2009 at 11:13 PM
  • 18 Replies

My 15 year old daughter has a 17 year old boyfriend.  He is originally from where we live but now lives in Texas. (which is why we didn't mind her having a boyfriend.) They have only seen each other 3 times in the past 10 months.  He is moving back up here in about 3 weeks. This raises the question about wether we should let her go to the drive-ins (by themselves)  with him.  We are christians and we have covered all the bases as far as pre-marital sex and all the sex "stuff". Her boyfried is also a christian.  They have conversations about this stuff that you would not expect teens to have.  They have decided they want to wait until they are married to have sex.  She also wears a purity ring and is very vocal about how she feels about pre-marital sex.  I want to trust them, but the fact is, they are both teenagers.  I have tried to explain to her that when you are in a parked car and the hormones are flying, it is hard to stop.  But she adamently states that they are not going to do anything.  She is very mature for her age and is not afraid to talk to me about anything. so this is my dilemma.  Should I allow her to go in a car with him alone.

by on May. 24, 2009 at 11:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PinotNoir
by on May. 24, 2009 at 11:57 PM

I'm a Christian too and if that were my daughter, I wouldn't allow it.  It's too risky.  The fact that she wears a purity ring, and you've had discussions about pre-marital sex, and they're waiting until they get married: all that is fine and dandy but the fact is, sweetie, they're teenagers and the temptation is still there.  If your husband went along as a chaperone, that's fine but in my opinion, definitely not.

glitterteaz
by on May. 25, 2009 at 3:28 AM

If she can not drive then she doesn't belong with a guy at a drive in!!!  She is too young for that kind of temptation!! 

momaof8
by on May. 25, 2009 at 8:09 AM

Say no or send a chaperone. Mine cannot even date till sixteen.

osmom93
by on May. 25, 2009 at 10:11 AM

*whew* I thought I was going to be in the minority on this one. I agree w/the other moms. it's too much temptation for them to be alone together like that. I've always coached my daughter that if she finds herself in that sort of situation *ie: alone w/a boy and things get heated* to get w/other people ASAP!! that won't be possible at a drive in movie. in our house our daughter isn't allowed to car date until she is 16. which she will be in December. and we will have to know the kid pretty good, and we will have to know where they go and w/who and what they plan on doing. and if there are any sort of lapses of judgement, then she will know that it affects her future dating plans. it's our job to guide them, give them boundaries.

so I say no unless there is a chaperone. and I'm sure that they probably won't want that to happen. so tell her to skip the drive in's for this summer and to go on group outings to other places.





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lessonlearned
by on May. 25, 2009 at 10:26 AM

Im sorry but I do not agree with any of you.  First of all, if you are questioning it, then you are questioning your parenthood.  You are questioning your daughters faith and trust, and quite honestly, there are bigger battles to be faught and you shoudl thank your lucky stars you are not in the midst of fighting them.  I went to drive in's from the time I was 13 and on and never once did I have sex with someone in a car there, the kids get together and go sit in the back of trucks or lawn chairs and watch the movies and chat.  When I went alone, we watched the movies and talked and had a blast. Let your daughter be a kid and trust in her.  Lighten up people.

Ewadun
by on May. 25, 2009 at 10:41 AM

Ordinarily, I'd be tempted to let her go, but no. With him living in another state, the temptation to Hit it and quit it is too high and she's still very young. Only with a chaperone would I allow it.

PhillyinFrance
by on May. 25, 2009 at 11:06 AM

I agree with lessonlearned.  You obviously don't trust her, and in that case, at some point, she will be alone with him or some guy and IT will happen.  I'd suggest perhaps she go with a group of friends, but I'd let her go in any case.  

I think abstinence til marriage is very admirable when the teenager has assimilated that value - this seems to be what you are saying about your DD and her boyfriend!   I think it is worth nothing and ultimately won't even be the case if it done by sheltering a child. 

summerdayz
by on May. 25, 2009 at 11:59 AM

No good can come from going to a drive-in. If they want to see a movie, they can go to the theatre. But then kids mess around at theatres too, but can't actually have sex. And if they go somewhere (anywhere!!) in his car, they can park somewhere. So I don't know. I also don't think it's a matter of questioning your parenthood, or not trusting your daughter. My mother and dad didn't question their parenthood, and they fully trusted me..... they trusted me so much that I was pregnant when I was 16. LOL !

I am totally up in the air over this, because if they want to have sex, they can do it anywhere...they do not have to go to a drive-in. My daughter will be 15 in October, and since I have "been there and done that" , I really don't know how I will handle things when she's old enough to go out with a boy a few years down the road.

    spring springtime                               

Mykidsmaid
by on May. 25, 2009 at 8:49 PM

Thanks for all the input.  Our rules have always been no car dates til 16.  But you know how relentless kids can be when they want something.  My 11 year old can be a real brow-beater.  I understand where there is a will there is a way.  I guess I just needed some moral support for my own self.  I do not intend to let them go by themselves, and I thank you all for the suppport.   It really helped.  And no, it does not mean I don't trust her. But there are some pretty heavy consequences if I find out I can't trust her.  My neice has a 15 year old daughter who just had a baby.  Her mother trusted her.  Trust and hormones do not go hand in hand. (Plus my 25 year old reminded me that she was not allowed to car date until she was sixteen.)  Thank you all again for your help.  From both sides of the coin.

PhillyinFrance
by on May. 26, 2009 at 3:23 AM


Quoting summerdayz:

... But then kids mess around at theatres too, but can't actually have sex. ...


Just a word of caution - I once saw a post on CM about a teen that did have sex in a movie theatre.  So yes, they can do it anywhere - including a dark corner of a near empty movie theather (or maybe not so empty?)!

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