I have belonged to this particular MOPS for 4 years now. I have been a publicity steering team member for 2 years now. We had our second meeting this past week and our MOPS group just seems to all know each other, belong to all of the same things, and all believe in the same things. I am older (35) with young children and worry about money, family, and like to talk politics and every day stuff. These girls all like to talk about where to shop, working out, and what playgroups to put their 6 months old children in....I just don't feel as though I belong. We have a steering team meeting this week...do I bring up this issue for the team, or just deal with it myself?
That is a tough question. Have you attempted to bring up conversations you're interested in during your small group or at meetings? (Do you know they won't talk about these things?).
I'd pray about it, and maybe you need to find a different MOPS group, invite more likeminded friends to join, or look for ways to bring up things that interest you (you might not be alone...there may be another silent mom out there in your group).
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When we break up and go to our discussion tables our table leaders make it a point to cover all bases of what all of our mommy's might like to talk about. They make up a discussion card and put it on each of our tables for topic suggestions covering everything from diapers to college! We have a large group so breaking up to go to the tables works very well for us and when we first tried it we were sure that similar interest related people would always be at the same tables but it is pretty much mixed up every week! We were lucky that way. When we first started this group we all pretty much had the same aged children but now we have a lot of new new mommy's that have joined our group so we make sure that their interests, questions and concerns are always included in out discussions. We have a box that you can leave suggestions for the next meeting topics of conversations or if you want to continue with a topic at the next meeting.
We have an eclectic group of mommy's ranging in age from 16 to 45. We like it that way because everybody always has something interesting to bring to any conversation from playgroups to shoe sizes. We are always on the lookout for new mommy's to join our group whether they are new, new mommy's or if they are new again mommy's we welcome them all!! I would talk to the others in the steering committee and voice your concerns that you have .... you might be suprise that there are others that feel the same way as you! :O)
Hope this helps you out! Oh btw I too hold the publicity chair and the fundraising chair in my MOPS group and have held that position for 3 years now! :O)
I do understand where you're coming from. I'm also older (37) than most of the moms in my group, and I'm the publicity leader, too.
I would second the idea about first discussing it with your DGL. That is part of her responsibility, to facilitate conversation.
I'd also advise praying on this. I'm sure that you are there for a reason. Now, whether it's to learn how to be assertive and get your goal of a better 'fit' or if it's because someone in that small group needs your presence, you just don't know yet. Ask for guidance! =)
Good luck to you!
Kacey
Quoting angkmath:
I have belonged to this particular MOPS for 4 years now. I have been a publicity steering team member for 2 years now. We had our second meeting this past week and our MOPS group just seems to all know each other, belong to all of the same things, and all believe in the same things. I am older (35) with young children and worry about money, family, and like to talk politics and every day stuff. These girls all like to talk about where to shop, working out, and what playgroups to put their 6 months old children in....I just don't feel as though I belong. We have a steering team meeting this week...do I bring up this issue for the team, or just deal with it myself?
feeling out of place happens to alot more than you think. Our mops has a big range of women but I do notice the younger moms just don't have the same things in common. I'm one of the older ones, married longer than all at the table except the mentor moms, and have two boys, 4 + 2. Not only do I not feel "in place" with thier discussion of shopping, etc, but also, My oldest has autism, and though he's making progress, this totally alienates me with most conversations about kids milestones, play groups, local kid classes etc. So the only thing I have in common with most of them is that we attend MOPS.
However, this hasen't stopped me from trying. I figure if God wants me to find friends, mentors, or sisters in God, I'll find them. If not, then I'll just grow within, learn to be the mom, friend, and wife God wants me to be. There is a reason I'm there, just clearing my mind to listen is what I'm working on...
I agree with everyone else to talk to you DGL about it, and also pray about it. I was in a MOPS group the same way. I'm not into those things, we recently moved though so now I have to find a new group, but maybe you should try a new MOPS group like someone else suggested if you can't get it worked out. The group is also for you & if you don't feel a part of it, I would look into another one. I will pray for you about this.
i thik alot of us worry about these things money and family and so on i need to go to the group meeting soon to join it
Each every mom have different interests.
Thats what makes all of us unique.
I will be praying for you for the lord to bless you with ideas
on maybe a ice breaker to find something else you may have
in common with them that they may have no discussed yet.
Also praying for you in general also
God bless you
If you have any 
feel free to pm me.
I think you should bring it up at the next ST meeting. I know I would mention it. If you don't want to mention it to the entire ST, maybe there's one person you could direct it to? Also, your DGL should help keep the talk on topic. Our group has a decent age range in it and the DGs range in ages, too. It helps when it's time for discussion questions because we're not all in the same place so it's nice to hear what other moms are saying who are in a different time in their lives. Either way, you should feel comfortable to share with your group and I personally would bring it up at ST and would hope that anyone else in the group would do the same.
Your post and the responses so far bring up the need for all of us to look around and try to be inclusive in conversations and discussion groups.
I had my two babies both sides of 40 (I was old enough to be the younger MOPS mothers' mother!) and I had to work hard to feel/be included in MOPS. And yes, I was publicity leader too! I hadn't cared for a baby before I had one! and so I let the others know I could learn from them. I asked them help-gleaning questions. How do you cope with ...? I engaged them in their view of the world.
I was aware that my age meant I was being watched as a 'role model' (I guess) to see how I coped with life including mild depression, miscarriages, 'bad hair' days, migraines! When I started sharing short insights into my life, the younger mums realised I was in many ways like them.
I don't think MOPS can necessarily provide all the types of friendships that we may need, so look around your neighbourhood and church. I also 'prayed in' a nearby 'other mother' or 'Grandma' - someone in the next stage of life and a bit older than me.
The younger women are still breeding and I've moved on to the next stage of MOPS and life, but we still talk and visit with each other. Like a mutual appreciation society! We gain from each other's friendships.
In short, it's a whole lot to do with how you're going to act (not react), setting your standards for friendship and inclusion, and build bridges. This takes time.
Be the kind of friend you want to be. (And, yes, talk/pray to your mentor/DGL for more solutions or increased awareness)
Secure in God's Love,
i am a 39 year old first time mom of a 3 year old boy...
i understand about feeling left out... this is my 2nd year in MOPS...
last year i noticed the cliques and never really felt a part of the group...
this year i am creative activities coordinator AND discussion group coordiator... i took on these roles because we were in need of change and i thought i could be the one to help implement...
the biggest thing i am working with my SGL's are to make sure that everyone in their group feels included and a part of the group.... no make sure 'cliques are not formed....
i did express to them how i felt last year and i think it opened their eyes,...... i don't think they had a clue!!
i am notcing it more too with the ladies and the cliques that have more money.... and the skinny more physically fit ones..... ( i am trying not to take it personally... - just finding other friends in the group instead of trying to fit into theirs)
something we are trying at this weeks meeting is to ask a question to the group and have the ladies respond by going to a designated corner depending on their answer.... we feel this way the moms may get to know other moms and see what they have in common with them.. maybe some subjects/topics will come up and friendships will be formed as a result...
we just had a 'scheduled moms sleepover... but no one ended up staying over.... (for different reasons) but, the 10 that came really got to know each other more on a deeper level... we had a lot of table sharing....
encouraging SGL's to plan more stuff for their small groups... and if you do the personal inviting of some moms too - like lunch after MOPS or lunch after a steering meeting....you'd be surprised how things can turn around... granted... their may not be anyone who you will match exactly.. but you may find different women can support you in different ways.... utilize your mentor moms too... these relationships are really blessing me... (especially because i am not close to my mom!!)
think positively,..... be honest with your leaders about how you are feeling... you need to be ablt to trust them enough to tell them how you are feeling... if that is not possible,... then maybe another group would benefit you more!!!
hope this is of some encouragement to you!
i am here if you'd like to chat....
blessings to you! -carrie
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- angkmath
on Sep. 12, 2008 at 3:22 PM