feel drawn toward islam

[2little_men]

i am a 26 year old mother of 3. their father is a born muslim. he has not put any pressure on me to convert, however, i feel this strong need to. it may sound wierd, but a couple of weeks ago i felt God speak to me. i have been really depressed and unhappy with my life after having 3 children out of welock and struggling to make ends meet. my feelings of failure though have diminished a great deal after God spoke to me telling me that i need to visit a mosque and pray. i feel so strongly in my heart that this is the right thing to do. and everything about it makes sense to me 100% more than any other religion. i would never question this, its just that i am alone 80% of the time with the children and dont know where to begin. is there anyone that can help me? i have been to the site muslimconverts.com and have read it almost completely, but i still feel like i need someone - a real person- to help me initially. thank you for any guidence.

[firaerty]

Thank you for your post and your interest in Islam.  I am myself a convert to Islam.  Learning about the religion is a excellent way to start this journey.  Is your children's father a practicing muslim?  Are you still in this relatioship?  As a muslim he is allowed to marry a Christian woman but should not have fathered three children out of wedlock.  I am saddened that he didn't suggest you get married.  If you don't mind me asking why is it that you are not married with this man? 

Do you know if there are any mosques in your area?  Going to a mosque is sometimes a good way to get to know muslim women in your area who might be able to help you learn more about islam.  I would also check out the website http://www.islamtomorrow.com/ it is created by a convert who now became a famous scholar in Islam and has a lot of information for new muslims and people interested in converting. 

Thanks again for your interest and I hope more of our sisters will add their comments.

[2little_men]

he is girst generation american and has until recently been so americanized, he didnt practice.  he now is becoming more religious, but still does not see a need for us to get married yet. he says we cant afford it. we bought a house last year before right before our daughter was born. there is a mosque nearby, i just wonder, and it may sound dumb, can i go there with all 3 children? im so used to not going many places because they are so small and i am all alone much of the time. when i used to go to a christian church with my oldest son it was ok, but when i had my second son it was too much and i stopped going. one of the reasons i stopped was because people would see me struggle and stare and not lend a hand. and that i wasnt married seemed to make them glare that much harder. i didnt feel welcome. and now that i have 3... i know its a sad excuse not to worship, but it is very hard to take them out.

[akhlass]

Hi,

I'm a convert to Islam too.  What Firaerty said is correct.  I am happy that you are interested in finding about more about Islam.  This is wonderful.  Please feel free to ask any of the Muslim sisters any questions that you may have.  We are available by the phone to talk to as well.  Please send me an email & we can talk on the phone or by yahoo messenger. 

Where do you live?

Please don't be offended by what I am about to say, but your boyfriend knows what he is doing is a huge sin and that may be why he hasn't encouraged your interest in Islam.  I would ask him to marry you and to make a committment to you ASAP like right now.  There is no such thing as a "religious Muslim man" who is living with a woman who is not his wife.  

If you both purchased a home together, then that is a committment.  There is no excuse for not getting married in Islam, especially if he has children with you and you are sharing his bed.  It costs very little to be married.  You need a marriage license, two male Muslim witnesses, a Male Muslim who will act on your behalf (a Wali), and to drive to the Mosque to get married.  Once you are married, you can announce it to your family & friends, eat a dinner together and that's all.  It would cost a tiny amount less than $300. 

You should get married as soon as tonight, I would encourage him to do so because he is putting you in a bad situation.

 

 

[ezahnsmama]

Hello,

I am PM'ing you right now.  I am so happy for you in your discovery and may Allah guide you closer to islam.  ameen.  may Allah give you strength to handle your stress.  ameen

Peace

[firaerty]

Sister Akkhlass gave you good advice.  Your boyfriend should really marry you as soon as possible.  It will be the best way he can work on improving his relationship with Islam and becoming a more religious person as well as fullfilling your rights.  If you have been waiting because you want to have a nice celebration, that ok... you can do a small paper wedding as the sister described in detail and then have a nice large reception later on when you can afford it.

Regarding the mosque, yes you can take your children.  Most large mosques have special areas fro women with children and some even have a few toys so the children can stay occupied while you listen so it should not be difficult for you even with 3 children. 

 

[2little_men]

its good to know i can take the children. i know i should be married, but honestly, i dont think the reasons he gives for not wanting to get married are valid. yes he is a muslim man, but he is very american and i dont think he sees anything wrong with living in sin. he likes his freedom and i think that he feels like he is too young (24) to get married. how will this affect me on my spiritual journey when this is major part of my life is such an enormous sin? it burdens me every day and i dont know what to do about it. how can i raise my children to me good muslims, when they dont have good enough examples?  all these things i think about weigh on me so heavily until i feel like im going to explode. i dont mean to unload on you, im sure these arent the questions you were referring to, you all have been very welcoming and i cant thank you enough.

[AndSheWas]

First I am so happy to hear that you have felt drawn to Islam. I think God guides us so strongly through our conscience if we only listen. I am also 26, a divorced mother of 1 son, and I converted when I was 18.

In the mosques I have been to there are always mothers with small children, I do not think that will be a problem at all.

I would like to offer slightly different advice from the others. I know you feel conflicted about your boyfriend's reluctance to marry and also the example he is setting, and with good reason. Now that you have a desire to explore Islam and raise your children in this setting, is this the kind of person who is going to help you on that path? I urge you to go to your mosque, tell the ladies there that you hope to learn about islam and ask them for guidance. It's hard to take this step when you don't know anybody there, but back when I converted it helped me immensley. When I first went to the mosque I knew that I wanted to become muslim and that Islam was the trusth, and I wanted to say the shahada and convert, but I didn't know a lot of specifics like how to pray, etc. They helped me learn all this after I converted, but welcomed me with open arms to pray beside them even though I didn't know any of that. Don't think that you have to become an expert on Islam in order to convert... the conviction is enough, you can learn the rest as you go along, even as those in the time of the prophet did. Mohammed, pbuh, was the first convert!

The issue with the money being a reason not to marry unfortunately sounds like an excuse to me. Your boyfriend is not following Islam very well by living with you in this way with no desire to marry you and look after you and the children, which he is obligated to do. My advice is, do not tie yourself to this man unless he is willing and interested in following his religion. It will be difficult for you, as you anticipate, to follow your faith and raise your kids in Islam if he is not doing so, and the best spouse is one who is strong in religion. I myself just ended up getting divorced, and while I won't go into the specific issues, if he had been committed in his faith we would probably still be together because many things he did (and I discovered even more after we separated) were contrary to Islam, and also led me to do things contrary to Islam at some times, which of course made me miserable. A good muslim man would begin by marrying and supporting you and the kids and encourage you in your religion. I am afraid that your boyfriend in his current behavior would constantly be encouraging you away from the right path with his actions. I suggest that you separate from him at least as a boyfriend as you learn about Islam, as you know it is not right to live with him this way and it will tear you apart to not be true to yourself and do the right thing, as you have already felt and seen with how depressed and unhappy you feel. Islam washes out what comes before it when you convert. If you think he might have some potential then he has an opportunity to reconnect with his faith and act appropriately as a husband and father and marry you after he cleans up his act, otherwise I honestly think you should look elsewhere for a good muslim man who will help you to follow Islam rather than making it more difficult.

I don't mean to be harsh but I think the more you learn about Islam the more you will feel this is necessary for the wellbeing of yourself and your children. Please feel free to PM me if you like!

[Sarai-Divine]

I really hate to get involved and respond to relationship posts especially if they are married,,but since your not I will say a few things from my mind. (If im wrong please correct me Sisters)

What these sisters say is very true, But My point of view is, Things will not start getting better for you until you do what your suppose to do. If you keep doing Sin after Sin more things will not be good (money,relationships etc) If you do things your suppose to do then you will be much happier. Believe me I suffered 12 yrs in a relatioship and had children My whole life was Unhappy Until I found islam left him and started being with the right people. Thats when I Found my Fiance who is origionally from Morocco and he a Wonderful Muslim man. We hve never been alone we have never had sex or anything until the day we will marry. I know it sounds old fashion but this is the right away. Because if gives your husband respect for you and be less jelous (I mean this is my point of view i dont know about anyone else) If you want to become muslim and do what is right you need to make things right around you. Eather talk to him about becoming more Religious Or Leave him. Islam you must sacrifice for the sake of Allah but you will be rewarded for your good deeds.

You need a Good man in your life that is not Americanized. I was born here in america and you have to be strong to not let America Change you. and him being American is a excuse for him not to practice so tell him to Shape up or ship out If you truely want to be a Good Muslimah and not a luke warm one.

JMO

[AzIzAzIzA]

Assalam u Alaikum sister

Let me add my congratulations to the mix, and say if there is anything any of us can do, I know I will be more than happen to help.  Personally I am not a convert (revert) persay , but I have had my challenges in life, struggling to keep my faith-straying-returning, etc. 

If ur boyfriend was born Muslim, like all the other sisters have said, he knows having children out of wedlock is considered haram.  Being with a woman outside of marriage is haram.  The children are not haram, but the relationship is.  I personally dont understand why being married would cause a financial burden.  We are talking Islamic marriage.  Going to the mosque-in front of a sheikh and thats it.  Legally in the courts is another story.

I agree with the other sisters about going to the mosque.  They have weekend school for the children and womens groups to learn about islam.  Its a good place for networking and they will not say leave-no matter how many children you have. 

Inshallah Allah (sw) will help guide you thru your decisisons and if i said anything wrong, please forgive me.  Again-if there is anything i can be of assistance or help with-please, let me know!!