Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Concerning previous children when going to a middle eastern country. ****Updated 1-25-09

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:26 PM
  • 8 Replies
  • 367 Total Views

I wrote the update with my old screen name of subbypuppy down below....


simple frown




I have a question about the children you had before you converted if you had children not of your own Muslim husband and went to the middle east or lived there.

From what I understand I may not be able to keep my daughter with me that is from my previous marriage because I am a woman so therefore I can't hold responsibility and that men are the ones to have responsibilities of wife and children like ownership. (Now as I am not married just yet but we are planning but to make the question simpler for understanding I will use my husband) My husband, cannot be the responsible party because he is not legally her father or husband and to my understanding that is the only way she can be recognized, otherwise she is seen as "illegitimate". So does anyone know about this law and have I understood it correctly?  Is this pertinent to our relationship for he is an Egyptian in Egypt and we plan to marry in Egypt and is just working for a few years in KSA and plans to return to Egypt. I am a US girl btw along with my daughter who is 8 years old. To my understanding I can contain my responsibility with no problem in Egypt but what about KSA?



Kitten

 Kitty 5             

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
firaerty
by Group Admin on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:43 PM

Well yours is a difficult question and I strongly suggest you get very well informed about your rights before you decide to move anywhere.  My husband is Saudi and they definitively do have a lot of laws that make life really difficult for women (women not being allowed to drive, women not allowed to run errands without a mahram etc...).  In saudi women are basically minors for their entire life so they have to be accounted for by a male family member.  Regarding your daughter, yes you would probably have many problems because you cannot legally be her guardian in Saudi.  And as you said your husband cannot legally be responsible for her either as he is not her father.  I don't know anything about egypt but again I would make sure you get all the information from legal sources before you make any decision.

Muslim Converts Speak - Group Admin. 
http://www.cafemom.com/group/muslimconverts

Children with Special Needs - Group Admin.
http://www.cafemom.com/group/hollywoodspecialneeds
 

akhlass
by Group Owner on Jan. 23, 2009 at 3:12 AM

I agree with what Firaerty wrote.  I would find out the information now from sources outside the close circle.  It's better to know your options are before you make this kind of decision that will affect your daughter too. 

Why are going to Egypt to get married?  Are you planning on living in Egypt?  Have you visited Egypt before?  If you can, inshallah, go visit Egypt and then decide for yourself if you are planning on living there because you need to see everything and then make the decision for you and your child. 

Is your daughter learning Arabic now in preparation and how old is will she be when he returns to Egypt and you marry??  

My advice, don't leave your daughter behind in the USA if Egypt won't allow you the rights for your child, even if it means not marrying this man.  Your responsibility is with daughter first before any man.  (i'm not trying to infer anything, just adding some advice, please don't feel offended.)  I would find out all the information first before committing to any type of long term long distance relationship/committment in a few years to marry.   

For my daughter, Ameena
 LOVE
Alicia (akhlass) Group Owner
Children with Special Needs
http://www.cafemom.com/group/hollywoodspecialneeds

Childrenwithspecialneeds.gif picture by paprikash

Muslim Converts Speak
http://www.cafemom.com/group/muslimconverts




 

subbypuppy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 6:18 PM

Well, it seems this is all a moot point now...my heart is broken and we are no longer together. He is going to SA and I am not because of my daughter. I just cant give her up...that is insane. A whole year wasted on this relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really devestated. I just changed my screen name to Midoskitten because things were getting so serious and it takes me a long time to really surrender to someone. So subbypuppy I am again. My earth is shaken and I feel very unstable right now emotionally. It took me many months to get over a former bf before him so I guess I will have a long journey again. Love sucks!!!!!! I dont even know why I bother with it. But the big problem of it is all is ...it is a culture clash. I don't know what I am going to do now. I just am going to focus on my studies in school because I only have three more weeks of class time and off to my externship of 160 hours that I will do in about 2 months or less, Insha Allah! It will be hard for me to focus right now but you know what I am glad I have school to distract me so I dont wallow in complete misery. I will focus on my own iman now. I am still who I am ....a Muslim and I am strong...Allah has not abandoned me. Alhamdulillah!! So there is the update on me! Alhamdulillah through all this....Allah has other plans for me I guess.


Amira

crying

firaerty
by Group Admin on Jan. 26, 2009 at 9:46 AM

I am really sorry this happend to you.  However I think you made the right choice.  Your child is the most precious thing you will have and you should put her before any relationship.  If he was really determined to be with her he would have found a way for you to be together with your daughter either in the US or Egypt. 

Men are always difficult, before and after marriage.  Don't loose hope and concentrate on your studies.  Have faith that everythign happens only with the will of Allah.

Muslim Converts Speak - Group Admin. 
http://www.cafemom.com/group/muslimconverts

Children with Special Needs - Group Admin.
http://www.cafemom.com/group/hollywoodspecialneeds
 

akhlass
by Group Owner on Jan. 26, 2009 at 8:31 PM

I'm very sorry to and May Allah remove your pain.  Ameen

Inshallah, you will find a good husband and good role model for your daughter. I'm sure now you will be very very leary of long distance relationships or engagements that last a very long time. 

Inshallah, your heart will be healed soon.

 

practicingislam
by on Jan. 28, 2009 at 5:22 PM

asalamu alaikum sis im sorry i have never heard of anything that says you cannot have your daughter move there with you, unless the previous husband wants her.....or now if the to be hubby cannot take on that responsiblity then he has a right to say so in the beginning then its a personal decision what you will do.......

Islamically yes if the child is born with muslim parents and both divorce and when the child hits puberty they should stay with their father, but your situation is different you just took shahada......it seems like he just had a personal issue with this and alhamdulillah he told you now before moving over seas

ameen on the du'as

 

 

         Arabic Letters & Numbers(Owner)           Muslim Converts (Admin)                     




    Islamic Book Club (Administrator)                     Treat Him Like the King he Is (Admin)




      Arab Cuisine (Admin)                         Servants of Allah (Owner)                     




      Muslim Moms (Group Member)                  SADAQA ~Sisters Helping Sisters Boutique(Admin)

purplecandle
by on Jan. 29, 2009 at 4:27 PM

I am sorry to here about all of this...:(

But, a door closes and window opens..

By the way, I do still like the old name..it reminds me of a similar nickname I have myself... given to me by my hubby...winkwink ;) SHHHHHH!

"Those who patiently persevere in belief and goodness will be brought to the safe shores of divine presence" - Sohaib N. Sultan

subbypuppy
by on Jan. 30, 2009 at 11:44 PM

Awwwwwww thank you all for your kindness and support. I am doing better now....I stopped crying...and I found I could breathe again. I have only two more weeks of school left and I am so happy in that and that is my focus right now. Yes, I am glad I found out a few things before I committed more of myself to this relationship than what could have happened. He and I still love each other and will always be friends for he says he could never find another girl like me, but we know the realities and we will just remain close friends. But the best part of all of that stress is it brought me closer to Allah. Alhamdullilah! Thank you again for all your kind words and I feel a spring coming soon and I don't mean the weather, but I would not mind that too...lol.

Salam,

Amira/subby puppy

puppy

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)