YOUR THOUGHTS, HEALING OR HARMFUL?
Your thoughts can direct the way you feel. If you decide that the world is a lousy place to be in, that nobody cares about anybody else, and that there is no reason to ever feel happy again, then your feelings will match those thoughts. Every time you time you take this attitude, the world around you will match your beliefs.
You have every right to feel miserable because of your loss. There are thoughts witch will help you gain emotional suppport from others. And support from others is important as you heal.
When your thoughts are only in generalities, such as nobody cares about how I feel, or no one knows what I'm going through, try changing your thoughts. Instead think it's hard to believe that anyone else knows what I'm going through.
Re-arranging your thoughts in this way then gives you the power to do something about it. You could let a friend know how low you feel and see how much she cares. Join a support group where others have had similar losses so that you do not feel alone with your loss.
It is very common the first month after a loss th think about the loss constantly. I found sometimes I needed a "mini-vacation" from my thoughts. There are ways to turn your thoughts off for awhile. Using the imagined windshield wiper method, think of wiping your thoughts aside for awhile and replace them with things like a job you're working on or trip you're planning if only for 10 minutes, give your self a break.
Affermations are another way to replace negative thoughts in order to help heal. These are statements said in the present. By re-stating or repeatedly writing them, you can change the way you feel for a time period. To have a lasting affect, you need to continue to use them on a regular basis until they are a natural part of your thinking process.
Affermations can help your bruised self-esteem, too. For example, try: I love myself, even when I feel sad; or, I accept myself completely. Then use these positive affermations often. Check with local stores for books and CDs to learn more about affermations. Used properly, they can be very helpful.
Through all of your emotional turmoil, find something to be thankful for each day. We have the most power when we are in the present moment. by foucsing on what's true in the present we can feel more in charge of our life.
A friend of mine said this was what got her through each day during her son's frequent amputations becasue of cancer. No matter how awful the day has been, she never went to sleep at night until she found one thing for witch to be thankful.
Grief is unavoidable; misery or suffering is optional. So- give yourself a break now and then. Along with and apple a day, how about one positive thought a day. That could also keep the doctor away!