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marital issues

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:29 PM
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Looking for christian advice or discussion. I've been married to my husband for 6 years although we were together for 7 years before we married and we have 2 daughters together 10 and 5 yrs old. Since before we met he struggled with alcohol and drug abuse. Before I realized this I was pregnant. It was a Neverending circle for a long time with him in and out of treatment or jail. He finally went to a long term faith based treatment center and we got married when he completed treatment bc we no longer wanted to live in sin. He did great and even worked for the center. I was amazed at how his life was changed. He no longer wanted to live in any sin. He is truly a God fearing man. His treatment also helped me alot. I was never an addict but it brought me closer to God. After 4 yrs of sobriety, after a time time of high stress from work he did relapse. It really went down hill but didn't last long. Within less than a week he put himself back in treatment. But he wanted it on his terms...he wanted his job back. That didn't happen so he took it upon himself to decide he would go to school while he worked part time. Slowly he walked away from church and back into this secular world and eventually fell into his addiction again. This time he was able to keep it from me for a brief time and it slowly got worse. He finally ended up quitting school his job and went back to treatment all in. Since then he has been clean and sober (about a year and a half now). After his first relapse he let me know that my being over weight bothered him. I'm 5'3" and weighed 170 at that time. We went through counseling. I got motivated and desired to lose weight and lost 40 pounds. Unfortunately I guess I lost my motivation and gained it back plus some. We have many differences and didn't even know it until after marriage. He has some OCD tendencies about perfect cleanliness. I work alot. I always have. Sometimes 2 jobs. I'm not as meticulous as he is about cleanliness. I don't see our house as dirty like he does. And i like to rest on my day/days off. When I'm well rested i catch up on housework. He tells me I'm lazy and my girls hear it and tell me too. We also have differences in finances. Ugh! I don't even know if I want to get into that. I'll just say he likes to buy himself new things while we struggle paying bills. He doesn't want used or second hand things.
Point is we both feel strongly about keeping our vows and raising our daughters in love. But we don't like each other.
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:29 PM
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cjsix Group Owner
by on Nov. 23, 2014 at 1:19 AM
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Momma,you have been through quite a bit. I give you much credit for not deciding to walk away like many in this world would in that situation. All marriages go through times of trial,where we don't like each other a whole lot,don't feel as if things are as they should be in our marriage and maybe even  sometimes feel more like "we live in the same house,sleep in the same bed and have the same kids but....not much else". I've been married for over 30 years and we have definately had some ups and downs during that time. It hasn't always been easy and God didn't ever say it would be. He just expects us to remember and live the sacrament of marriage with the one we have chosen to spend our life with. To trust in Him and lean on Him when things become difficult and be thankful when they are good. I am sorry you are going through all of this. There is a movie called Fireproof which is good and you may want to rent it or see if your library has it and watch it together. There is also a book called  The Love Dare which is 40 days of readings and suggestions of things to do for your spouse to help improve your relationship. Another suggestion I have would be to look into Marriage Encounter Weekends. It's a wonderful program with great ideas and has helped many marriages. If you google Marriage Encounter you will find it. Hugs Momma <3

tabsjewel
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:47 PM
Ty for ur encouragement! It's not easy. Sometimes I can't stand him but I feel like I'm being selfish too.

Quoting cjsix:

Momma,you have been through quite a bit. I give you much credit for not deciding to walk away like many in this world would in that situation. All marriages go through times of trial,where we don't like each other a whole lot,don't feel as if things are as they should be in our marriage and maybe even  sometimes feel more like "we live in the same house,sleep in the same bed and have the same kids but....not much else". I've been married for over 30 years and we have definately had some ups and downs during that time. It hasn't always been easy and God didn't ever say it would be. He just expects us to remember and live the sacrament of marriage with the one we have chosen to spend our life with. To trust in Him and lean on Him when things become difficult and be thankful when they are good. I am sorry you are going through all of this. There is a movie called Fireproof which is good and you may want to rent it or see if your library has it and watch it together. There is also a book called  The Love Dare which is 40 days of readings and suggestions of things to do for your spouse to help improve your relationship. Another suggestion I have would be to look into Marriage Encounter Weekends. It's a wonderful program with great ideas and has helped many marriages. If you google Marriage Encounter you will find it. Hugs Momma <3

cjsix Group Owner
by on Dec. 11, 2014 at 7:22 PM

I have also had times where I didn't like my hubby much and yes,have felt like I was being selfish. I have a feeling that all or most marriages go through times like that off and on. It is hard sometimes. We change and grow sometimes together and many times one more than the other for a bit.

How are you doing today Momma?

Quoting tabsjewel: Ty for ur encouragement! It's not easy. Sometimes I can't stand him but I feel like I'm being selfish too.
Quoting cjsix:

Momma,you have been through quite a bit. I give you much credit for not deciding to walk away like many in this world would in that situation. All marriages go through times of trial,where we don't like each other a whole lot,don't feel as if things are as they should be in our marriage and maybe even  sometimes feel more like "we live in the same house,sleep in the same bed and have the same kids but....not much else". I've been married for over 30 years and we have definately had some ups and downs during that time. It hasn't always been easy and God didn't ever say it would be. He just expects us to remember and live the sacrament of marriage with the one we have chosen to spend our life with. To trust in Him and lean on Him when things become difficult and be thankful when they are good. I am sorry you are going through all of this. There is a movie called Fireproof which is good and you may want to rent it or see if your library has it and watch it together. There is also a book called  The Love Dare which is 40 days of readings and suggestions of things to do for your spouse to help improve your relationship. Another suggestion I have would be to look into Marriage Encounter Weekends. It's a wonderful program with great ideas and has helped many marriages. If you google Marriage Encounter you will find it. Hugs Momma <3


Chimerical
by on Jan. 2, 2015 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry to hone in on your conversation but I want to thank you both for being so honest and for your encouragement.  My situation isn't nearly as difficult but I'm not liking my husband a whole lot right now and CJSIX, your words were definitely an encouragement.  TABSJEWEL, you're not alone.  How are you doing recently and with the holidays done with?  

0308kp
by on Jan. 4, 2015 at 3:29 AM
1 mom liked this

I know you wrote this post months ago but wanted to see how you are doing now.  Hugs to you!!

cjsix Group Owner
by on Jan. 8, 2015 at 3:49 PM

 

Quoting Chimerical:

I'm sorry to hone in on your conversation but I want to thank you both for being so honest and for your encouragement.  My situation isn't nearly as difficult but I'm not liking my husband a whole lot right now and CJSIX, your words were definitely an encouragement.  TABSJEWEL, you're not alone.  How are you doing recently and with the holidays done with?  

 You are not at all "honing in" on the conversation. :  )

I am so glad that my words encouraged you. Knowing that encourages me.

tabsjewel,how are you doing now?

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