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Work or Stay at Home...

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:33 PM
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Hey everyone,

I was wondering if anyone felt the need to stay at home with their child after finding out about them having DS?  Sometimes I feel as though it is more important right now for me to stay at home with Olivia and work with her on her Interventions and not have her be with a babysitter during the day.  Then I also feel that I should remain a working mom for my family  (financially)and for my students (I'm a music teacher).   I feel so guilty not being at home with her during the day...


DId anyone decide to leave their job and stay at home or work part time rather than working a full time job? 

by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:33 PM
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by Group Admin on Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:17 PM

We decided due to Oopie's heart condition I would stay home til his surgery and recovery. We later decided that my being home was better. He has so many therapy and doc appointments I was missing more work than being there. It isn't right for everyone, but for us it works. I do short time jobs from time to time for extra money, but nothing long term. Oop also gets SSI and we as a house hold can only earn so much before we lose income. His check is decent and I have other sources so we do okay. I run our part time business from our house. We have two established entertainment businesses Mike is a portable Dj. We just started a Casino co. about 2 years ago we do events. So if your inventive you can cover the loss in income. Bottom line is it's your family you just have to do what works for you. Either way it's ok. Hope this helps.

by Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:31 PM

I chose to stay at home after I had my first daughter.  It was kinda  religious decision for me.  I went to a conservative Baptist school and that is what they believed.  But I went to work after she was born and my mom watched her.  It didn't take very long for us to discover that it was a bad decision.  So we looked at daycares, but I mostly worked a mid shift and it made it hard to find one.  So I finally narrow it down to one.  I was getting ready that morning to go meet with the people of the facility, when on the news I seen they lost two children at the park.  They were found playing by the lake, by a male stranger.  So that made it very easy to make my decision.  But there is good child care out there.  Some considerations should be, you know, "Can I afford to stay at home?"  If I need to make money, "What can I do for extra cash?"  "Will I be happy at home?"  Some women are not happy at home.  I think it would be much better for a child to be at daycare or with a babysitter than to be at home with mom who is depressed.  And you know, you said that you are a music teacher.  If you stay at home, you could give music lessons for extra money.  I don't know if this will help. 

by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:51 PM

My first child was born 6 1/2 weeks early and I was planning to go back to work when she was 6 weeks old.  Obviously this wasn't possible, b/c she wasn't even supposed to be born yet!  So I took Family Medical Leave for the remainder of the school year (I was a teacher as well).  I went back to work the following August and it was heartbreaking for me.  I stuck it out that whole next year, then quit to stay home with her.  I've always felt it was the best decision for our family.   Since having my little Alex that I am also so glad that I am a SAHM.  With all of his appts, therapies, medical issues I don't see how we could've done it otherwise, and I have so enjoyed being home with all of my kids.  On the otherhand, I have a friend who I just don't think was cut out to be a SAHM.  She's never wanted it and so has never done it.  In their case, I think it's been the best decision for them.  I think it really depends on what your family needs and what you feel you need to do.  Good luck making a decision or finding a balance!

by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 10:06 PM

I work . she goes to school all day . I get her off the bus sometimes I put her on the bus before I go to work.I wish I could stay home

my hubby ,


by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2009 at 12:03 AM

I went back to work and then took a part time position when one opened up.  Right now we do 2 days of daycare per week, a day and a half home wiht dad and the rest of the time with mom.  I had planned to work full time, but I don't know if I would have changed my mind for any baby or what role the DS played in my decision.

I like working part time.  I think I'd go a little crazy being home all the time.  It's nice to get dressed up and go somewhere and interact with adults.  And then I'm so happy to see Nathan when I get home!

by Member on Jan. 28, 2009 at 7:16 AM

I left a 6 figure income (VP and inhouse counsel with a large bank) to watch the twins.   They are only little for so long. I tried for 6 months after my maternity leave to do both but I felt as a type A person that no one could care for them like me.  I brought them to a 5 star facility partnered with United Way and it still fell short of what I expect.    I am mindful of how precious this time is and I enjoy it.  For a music teacher, you could work for yourself and give lessons from your home maybe?  I still miss being an attorney but I am more relaxed and a better parent. Good luck.

by Member on Jan. 28, 2009 at 8:40 AM

Thank you all so much for all of your advice.  I'm slowly figuring out what is best for me and my family.  I am going to definitly finish out the school year, but for next school year I think I am going to take a little break from being a teacher.  I don't want to continue in my current district (which I'm not exactly happy with the district to begin with), or find a new district if I'm so unsure of my career and if it's the right decision for me.  It wouldn't be fair to a new district if I started working there and then left a year later, and especially unfair to the students. 

I have thought about teaching music lessons like some of you suggested, and I'd love to do that.  Less stressful and it would be as many students as I want, my terms, plus I'd have more time with Olivia.  I'm starting to learn that with any child, DS or not, there's never a right way, only what's best for your family and your situation.


Thank you all so much again.  I'm new to Cafemom and I'm extremely glad I joined!!!

by Member on Jan. 28, 2009 at 8:42 AM

I was always planning to go back to work after he was born. We didn't know about anything until after he was born. I was out for 10 weeks then went back part-time. By November of that year i was full-time again. I work full time now and i think it was a good thing for him. I was lucky that my boss let me change my hours to accommodate his therapy and Dr apt. they are also very understanding of if he is sick i have to stay home with him. Owen is now 2 1/2 and going to school, having all his therapies and an average kid. He is a social butterfly and will stay with anyone,he loves when there are other kids around. He says hi to everyone we walk by anywhere. I think for us it worked and i wouldn't change it for how he is doing. I think it is going to be upto you. You know your baby best and what is right for them go with what you feel and it will be the right decision for your family.

Jen mom to Owen

by Member on Jan. 28, 2009 at 8:45 AM

I think you're right.  Different things work for different people and their family.  I'm starting to realize that this happens with everything when it comes to family.  Whatever works for you!

by New Member on Jan. 28, 2009 at 8:50 AM

we didn't know that our daughter had DS until she was born.  i had full intentions of going back to my job after my 6 week maternity leave.  actually, i had just gotten a promotion like 3 weeks before we had her.  then, when we found out that she had DS, my husband and i both said at about the same time that i was going to quit my job.  i just didn't think i could trust someone else to do this job.  she is now almost 2 1/2 years old - and i still don't trust anyone else to do this job  ;)  i think we made the right decision - however, we did have to give up a lot......we gave back our cars, had a lot of bills go into collections, and we had to completely start over again - but i still think it was worth it!  ;)

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