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Anger?

Posted by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:41 PM
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My son is 8.5 year old son, Alex is diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers.  He has extreme anger and his tantrums are ridiculous.  Alex has been taking risperdal for his anger and it has helped quite a bit, but he still screams and causes chaos.  I hate it for my youngest son, Matthew who is 2.5.  I always immediately take him to another room, but you can still hear him whaling though the house.

Does your child have anger issues?

by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:41 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Vickey265
by on May. 10, 2009 at 7:10 PM

My 13 year old daughter is diagnosed with ADHD, ED, PTSD, RAD, ODD, and OCD. She had a LOT of anger due to her horrific past. (She was adopted at age 7 but was bounced to 6 different placements before coming home to us...and that was 6 years ago.)  We also have a 3 year old who joined us at 2 weeks of age. We have felt the same way. When our daughter "goes off" she can be loud (screaming, crying, dissociating, and saying things that would make others think that we were the abusers.) We attempt to keep our youngest away during these times too, but he is curious/facinated and is drawn to his older sister (whom he loves dearly.) For a little while we saw him repeating some of the behaviors and it was VERY concerning to us. We found that we could not change him as easily as we could relay his fear to his sister (who ultimately has regained some control because she loves him too and has the understanding that her behavior frightens him.

Love and hugs,love you sign


Vickey

jalex
by Group Owner on May. 10, 2009 at 7:20 PM

Poor baby.  It is wonderful that she is getting help, stability and love that she needs. 

I think that my youngest is getting used to Alex and is starting to accept that he is emotional, but it is hard to teach my 2.5 yo  "acceptable" behavior when there is so much screaming.  We do not allow Alex to run around and scream, so it does know that he must leave when out of control. 

Quoting Vickey265:

My 13 year old daughter is diagnosed with ADHD, ED, PTSD, RAD, ODD, and OCD. She had a LOT of anger due to her horrific past. (She was adopted at age 7 but was bounced to 6 different placements before coming home to us...and that was 6 years ago.)  We also have a 3 year old who joined us at 2 weeks of age. We have felt the same way. When our daughter "goes off" she can be loud (screaming, crying, dissociating, and saying things that would make others think that we were the abusers.) We attempt to keep our youngest away during these times too, but he is curious/facinated and is drawn to his older sister (whom he loves dearly.) For a little while we saw him repeating some of the behaviors and it was VERY concerning to us. We found that we could not change him as easily as we could relay his fear to his sister (who ultimately has regained some control because she loves him too and has the understanding that her behavior frightens him.


Vickey265
by on May. 11, 2009 at 11:58 AM

As troublesome as it is...I do agree that small children learn that their sibling is having a bad time and it's not necessarily anything that anyone has done. My 3 year old, would scream out things he'd heard his sister say during one of her episodes, but now he will just ask, "What's wrong with Lindsay?" We tell him that she isn't feeling very well, but she will be okay. This seems to satisfy him. 

Love and hugs,love you sign


Vickey

jalex
by Group Owner on May. 16, 2009 at 7:30 AM

It is really frustrating when the screaming starts...  We had a real dozy last night!  I have become pretty good at fighting stress, but the screaming really makes me a nervous wreck.  My son will cry for 30+ min. - He is starting to hit things again too.  I really worry about him as he grows, he is over half my size now!

Quoting Vickey265:

As troublesome as it is...I do agree that small children learn that their sibling is having a bad time and it's not necessarily anything that anyone has done. My 3 year old, would scream out things he'd heard his sister say during one of her episodes, but now he will just ask, "What's wrong with Lindsay?" We tell him that she isn't feeling very well, but she will be okay. This seems to satisfy him. 


Vickey265
by on May. 16, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Must be something in the air because my 13 year old had a doozy of a melt down last night too. It lasted from the time she got home from school until 6:00 PM! She screamed...slam banged around...got in my face (of course we stand eye to eye and she is heavier than me.) She apologized 3 times and had to sit outside until she was calm several more. We sometimes use outside because she has to "regroup" faster. She is deathly afraid of police and if she thinks someone will call the police becasue of her fit...she reels it in faster. She hates going outside because she can't continue without causing a huge scene. Finally she came in and was settled. She wanted to make small talk and I told her that I was very angry with her and was not ready and to give me space. I was trying to demonstrate how SHE should have responded given a similar scenario. This all started over lying about homework. I told her that the weekend would be spent doing what she failed to do during the week. This also meant no church Youth Group (which she LOVES.) Today has been "so-so." She was pretty snappy towards my husband but no screaming melt downs causing us to find another space for her to be in. We thankfully have a large home and the laundry room, which is in the center of the house. This is often used as a time out area if one of the children needs some individual space. It's pretty sound proof too and so far they each know if they get sent there...they have to stay there until they have been quiet and calm for 5 minutes. It's not a long time but since they all have disabilities we have to make it reasonable. My 13 year old will hit the walls or throw shoes so one of the things I have to do before sending her in is to have her give those to me. If she throws them at me...she doesn't get them back which means she can not leave the house. These kids can be so tough! They find all the loop holes don't they? 

Love and hugs,love you sign


Vickey

jalex
by Group Owner on May. 16, 2009 at 4:52 PM

lol, yes, they do find the loopholes!  I have a tendency to use a 5 minute time out too, as long as he can come back in the room and be calm.  I know that dealing with a 13 year old girl and all those hormones are tough.  Alex is almost 9 and changing so much, he is entering pre-puberty and getting even more aggressive.

It is great that she can apologize for her behavior, maybe that is the step to getting more control.  My son seems to just snap out of it and goes back to being grumpy/calm.  Does her tantrums come and go?  We'll have like 3 days that are great and then out of the blue, chaos!  I'll ask him later if something is bothering him and he'll say no.  Not sure where it comes from, but can last all afternoon too.  I hope that you're having a better afternoon today!

Quoting Vickey265:

Must be something in the air because my 13 year old had a doozy of a melt down last night too. It lasted from the time she got home from school until 6:00 PM! She screamed...slam banged around...got in my face (of course we stand eye to eye and she is heavier than me.) She apologized 3 times and had to sit outside until she was calm several more. We sometimes use outside because she has to "regroup" faster. She is deathly afraid of police and if she thinks someone will call the police becasue of her fit...she reels it in faster. She hates going outside because she can't continue without causing a huge scene. Finally she came in and was settled. She wanted to make small talk and I told her that I was very angry with her and was not ready and to give me space. I was trying to demonstrate how SHE should have responded given a similar scenario. This all started over lying about homework. I told her that the weekend would be spent doing what she failed to do during the week. This also meant no church Youth Group (which she LOVES.) Today has been "so-so." She was pretty snappy towards my husband but no screaming melt downs causing us to find another space for her to be in. We thankfully have a large home and the laundry room, which is in the center of the house. This is often used as a time out area if one of the children needs some individual space. It's pretty sound proof too and so far they each know if they get sent there...they have to stay there until they have been quiet and calm for 5 minutes. It's not a long time but since they all have disabilities we have to make it reasonable. My 13 year old will hit the walls or throw shoes so one of the things I have to do before sending her in is to have her give those to me. If she throws them at me...she doesn't get them back which means she can not leave the house. These kids can be so tough! They find all the loop holes don't they? 


Vickey265
by on May. 17, 2009 at 12:04 PM

Yes. Today has been MUCH better. Lindsay tends to have cycles of behavior. She will be pretty good for a while and then goes off for a few days at a time. It's tiring but SO much better than when she first joined our family. We all walked on egg shells for the first 3 years I think! We know that certain times of the year or know specific triggers now so we can help her more, but there are times when it will come out of the blue (at least to us) and it takes a while for us to figure out WHAT might have set things off. It could be seeing someone who reminds her of her abusive step-father, a particular smell, sound...you just never know. She's been a little more wild this past week because her hormones are fluctuating (started her period) and also it was this time of the year when she joined our family. As happy as that was for her, the day reminds her of being in state custody and moving around a lot. She was in 6 homes before ours and she was only 7 years old...and that took place over the course of 14 months. 

Love and hugs,love you sign


Vickey

jalex
by Group Owner on May. 19, 2009 at 7:49 AM

Poor kiddo.  I am sure that with age and you family's love, he meltdowns will be less frequent though the years.  I know how emotional I can be for a few days each month...   It's inevitable to some extent. 

I guess that everyone has their good and bad days.  Alex definitely has cycles that he goes through.  We'll have days where is so pleasant and laid back, others where he is just grumpy and so emotional.  I am trying to find that delicate balance where we let him know that we will not accept him being hateful and screaming.  I have been able to divert his attention lately, like last night, he was crying in his room because it was bedtime, I said "oh, look - an I spy book", a page or two and he was back to smiling..  When he is crying like its the end of the world, that's all I can do.

Maybe you can redirect her in the upcoming years by saying "hey, lets do our nails"..lol 

Quoting Vickey265:

Yes. Today has been MUCH better. Lindsay tends to have cycles of behavior. She will be pretty good for a while and then goes off for a few days at a time. It's tiring but SO much better than when she first joined our family. We all walked on egg shells for the first 3 years I think! We know that certain times of the year or know specific triggers now so we can help her more, but there are times when it will come out of the blue (at least to us) and it takes a while for us to figure out WHAT might have set things off. It could be seeing someone who reminds her of her abusive step-father, a particular smell, sound...you just never know. She's been a little more wild this past week because her hormones are fluctuating (started her period) and also it was this time of the year when she joined our family. As happy as that was for her, the day reminds her of being in state custody and moving around a lot. She was in 6 homes before ours and she was only 7 years old...and that took place over the course of 14 months. 

 

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