(PIOG) Looking for Biblical advice. LONG!!!

[twinstartermom]

This was originally about my mom going against my wishes. Now this is me trying to figure out what God would like me to do in my life.

When I'm not feeling well my mom will feed baby formula for one or more feedings. Either when I'm not feeling well or just not up she will feed Krystel (baby) formula. Also whenever I have problems with baby my mom will pipe up saying maybe I should try feeding her a bottle of formula. Which really irrates me. I've told her this but she still tries to formula feed baby. Over and over I have told her to wake me even if I'm not feeling well so that I can BF. My mother has told me that she has tried to wake me so I can feed but have been to asleep to wake me. I don't trust my mother and think she's lieing about that. As I have not trusted her for a VERY long time.

My mother, it feels to me, doesn't support me emotional or my descisions. As her actions and words have always been hurtful. She has always asked why I stay with my husband when his hours are cut drastically for long periods and he doesn't go looking for work. Or why I do what I do. Then when I try to explain she either abruptly ends the conversation or interupts me because she says she's confused. She interupts me a LOT. most of the time I'm about to explain what she is confused about. It's VERY irrating. That is

The reason I don't like my mother formula feeding Krystel is because I was unable to BF my twins and felt like a terrible mother. My husband and MIL both wanted me to BF but I couldn't because of of PPD and low supply. I'm still very hurt by it.

I'm curious to what I should do about my mother sneaking the formula when I'm not around. I don't mind if it is a bottle of the BM that I have stored up in the fridge and freezer. We are all going to the coast on Jan. 7th to see the whales and my aunt is going to watch Krystel. I have enough BM stored up that a day at the coast should be fine. Though I have a STRONG feeling my mom will do anything to have my aunt formula feed instead of BMF.

The current situation is that I live with my three kids, twins 3yrs and newborn 1mnth, at my parents. Husband doesn't live with us because of work. He lives with his army buds, not enough room for all of us. Also because my mom doesn't want him living with us. Not sure about my dad on that aspect. I'm very isolated because I don't have my license and public transportation is expensive. There also isn't much to do in the town I live in. The closest town that does have stuff to do is hours away if walking. My mom and dad both work full time. I do not and do a pretty good job of keeping everything up at their place.

What REALLY irks me is that my mother BFed both my brother and I but with both the twins and the newborn has/have pushed to be formula fed. Also she had me lie to wic and say I have low supply when infact I have an oversupply. The only reason she had me lie was because she wanted to have the formula incase I went back to work and we didn't have a stash. Another reason was because  we have an agreement that after my husband found a better job that for a while after I move back in with him, he and I would work on our marriage. That means no kids and baby.

I've got counselling for myself but marriage counseling. I don't know how that would be possible since he lives about two hours away. As for working on our marriage while the kids are away, we had kids then got married. Both his mom, step-dad and my family think it would be best if we had some time to get to know each other first as being a married couple before adding the kids again. To me I don't think that will help a dang thing as him and I were together for over a year before I moved in with him. The reason I moved in with him was because I've always felt suffacted with my parents.

I'm 25 and use to other people controlling my life. That is since my parents moved to the town I'm currently in.  I've had my friends, parents and just about anyone else tell me what to do. If I didn't do what they wanted I would be all a lone. Being a lone is the worst thing to me, as emotionally that's the way I have been for as long as I can remember.

He is living with some people from his army unit. Hubby is in the National Guard. Currently he doesn't have a solid plan on when we'll be able to move back in together. As for him controlling my life he doesn't for the most part. The biggest thing he has tried to control would be how much I see my parents because of what he's seen when we are all together. That and what he has heard from my friends and I.

I took zoloft for about a week, got bad headaches and stopped. As I was told to do by the proscriber. Yesterday was the only day I have been REALLY sick. I had a headache all day long and it wouldn't go away. It was severe pressure and didn't let up. At my mom's request I tried a mountain dew, that didn't help. Infact all it did was make it worse. After getting home she threw a fit when I wasn't moving as fast as she was. I don't know if it is depression as I have never been diagnosed with it. Though my mother thinks I'm bipolar because I'm real good at acting VERY happy when the one thing I want to do is scream my head off. My husband is two hours away and works part-time weekly. He does his best to call everyday around 9pm.

Hubby is trying to go to school fulltime. He gets paid to go to school by the military. I cannot access the money to go to school for myself because he's reserve. As for what he's done to secure a place for his family, not much. He keeps telling me about a game he has been working on since he moved to Oregon. It's not on the market but I have seen people play a demo of the game. It's VERY fun.

After being proscribed Zoloft I couldn't get transportation for a follow-up. Also getting transported to apts have always been a nightmare.  If I could I would move closer to him. As for low-income housing we applied laster year and they said two to three years before we would get a call. We've also went in to update it saying I was pregnant, no luck in speeding the process up.

As for the headache, I still have residule of it. After sleeping for a long time and taking meds, it still hasn't completely gone away. If I still feel it on monday I'll go in and have it checked out. I think it's mainly due to dehydration but not sure because today I'm not dehydrated and still have the effects of the headache.

I have a little looked into schooling. Yes, I am pumping and storing. I like to pump because of the things I'm able to do while pumping. As for the Why I'm not getting up with baby, I do for a majority of the time. The only two times I wasn't up was sometime in EARLY december I was wiped from getting home and medication. Baby was emergency C-section because of high blood pressure. Time number two was the day before yesterday's headache. Other then that I keep her in ears reach and RARELY close the door.

I just talked to my mother about taking baby and she said no. She has already talked to my aunt and my aunt is REALLY looking forward to spending time with DD. This year I will commit to standing up for myself. In a little bit I will talk to her some more about it. If need be I will contact my aunt and see what she says. The BP I have is portable to have outside with no outlet. So I'm not scared of loosing my supply but don't like the idea of pumping and dumping. I wouldn't have a cooler to keep it in. That's the reason. From what I know we would be gone from about 8am till 8pm -ish.

I told my mom today I'm not going. Didn't give her the full reason but am at the point I don't feel like I have to explain it to her. As doing so in the past has done nothing but have her belittle me. I just told both my parents that I wanted to be with her and would feel incomplete without her there. They just kept saying that this was for us as a family and mainly to get me out of the house. Also they tried to pull the well we already have child care setup. I told 'em that if my aunt still wanted to come that's fine with me. I'll sleep on the couch, Krystel in the swing and aunt in my bed. They didn't say anything but gave me UBER shocked looks. My mother's tone was one of displeasure and pitty-me-please.

It's just the baby that doesn't go at this point. The older ones are earning the trip. As for why the baby doesn't go, it is because my mom doesn't want her out in the cold weather.

I don't know what the doc has anything to do with it. As far as I can tell there is no reason why she can't go outside if she's well bundled. I made the point about Krystel being bundled and my mom just wouldn't allow her to come. She kept pushing the facts that DD was too little to know what was going on and that the weather would be too cold for her. It was then that I decided that I'll just stay with her and if the older kids get enough points they can go.

He has BAH, it's just not much because he is Nat. Guard Reserve, one weekend a month, two weeks a year.As for gettting a place I don't see how as I have talked with the state and they won't do anything to help because we are only separated due to employment. They said it is just like him getting deployed.They are earning the trip because it costs a lot for my parents to drive there and back. Also the kids have been VERY disobiendant for the last two weeks, before this started.

I would like to know God's direction for my life right now. I've been praying about it for years but can't figure out what He wants. Would like some advice on to what I should do and where I should go from here.

[VintageWife]

It sounds to me like you need to get away from your mother. She is the one that is controlling. She is messing up your bonding with your baby, she is messing up your marriage and any other relationships you have with people. Do not allow her to be alone around the baby. I would flip out big time if someone tried to give my baby formula. Even if you and hubby have to get gov't housing, you need to live together and soon!

[bekalynne440]

Wow!  Sweety, your mom has way too much influence on your life.  She's one of those toxic people, and with them the best thing to do is limit your exposure to an absolute minimum.  Don't leave your kids alone with her; it just gives her more power.  Don't let her tell you what you can and can't do with your own kids.  You are the mom.  You have the power.  She is trying to take that from you, but you have the power NOT TO LET HER!!!

You need to find whatever way possible to move back in with your husband and work on your marriage.  Don't let dear old mom get in the way of that.  And don't let her watch the kids while you "work on your marriage".  You need to be together with your husband and your kids, as one family unit.  Letting someone else raise the kids for a while will just give this crazy (your mom) more power, and you may find she puts up quite a fight when you go to get them back.

And not to be rude, but your mom is crazy!  Giving formula against your will, telling you what you can and can't do with YOUR baby, pretending not to understand what you say, etc.  Believe me on this (I know from experience): when you are around a crazy like this all the time, you start to feel like you are the one who's crazy.  You feel like you can't see up from down.  Simple things begin to seem confusing.  Once you get out of that environment for a reasonable amount of time, you mind clears up and you see that person was just pulling you into their messed up view of reality.

Here's what I would recomend.  Make your goal to move out of your mom's and in with your husband.  Then break down simple steps of how to achieve that goal.  The very first thing you are going to want to do is join a good church (not one your mom attends).  If transportation is an issue, some churches have churh vans that will pick you up and drop you back off.  Then do what it takes to get your liscence.  With those two steps down, look for a job.  If you husband isn't bringing in enough money for the family, you should try to bring some in yourself.  However, try to find alternative child care (other than dear old mom).  Maybe a friend or another family member could help.  If she asks why, simply state you want someone to watch the kids that you can trust to follow your wishes.  Then hoard up money.  Save it away until you're in a possition to move in with your husband.

Be strong.  You can do this.  Set your mind to it, work for it, and never give up.  Cling tight to your family and to the Lord.  I am praying for you.

[twinstartermom]

How am I to make money from nothing? Just curioust not shooting it down. Today I started a blog but don't have a bank account.

[AutumnDreamer]

Ok I read about half, cause I am on my way out the door, but first and foremost, you do NOT leave the kids with your parents when you move back in with your husband.  They are YOUR kids and YOUR responsibility, you can not go back and do things the right way.  You made your bed and your decisions (to have kids before you were married) and now you need to learn to live life with kids, that includes working on your marriage WITH kids.  They are not going to go away.

Also, if you don't want your mother feeding the baby while you are sleeping, then GET OUT OF BED!  You should be up if your kids are up, whether you feel good or not being a mother is a full time job.  If you don't want her feeding th ebaby formula then GET RID OF THE FORMULA! 

How old are you?  I will write more when I get home later, but it sounds to me like you have a lot of growing up to do.

[bekalynne440]

Quoting twinstartermom:

How am I to make money from nothing? Just curioust not shooting it down. Today I started a blog but don't have a bank account.

You get a drivers liscence and get a job.  Even if that means starting out part time at the local Walmart.  Something to bring in some money.  You need to step up and take responsibility for your own life, and those of your children.  It won't be an easy proccess, but a neccesary one.