Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

New and happy to be here! But in Hell!!!

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:06 AM
  • 5 Replies
  • 787 Total Views

Hey everyone,

Long story short.  I have two bilogical children (girls 7 and 4).  And...two step-sons (13 and 15) who live with my hubby and I full time since their mom is a loser. (she really  is in all aspects).  Since day one (6 years ago) they have made life very difficult, mostly thanks to their mother who has encouraged them to do so.  It's gotten much worse over the years and as much as I've tried...and i hate to say this really I do....but I can't stand them anymore...AT ALL.  They've both become losers, disrespectful to all, horrible in school, the older one has recently been discovered  by my hubby of doing drugs (which I found in his room), and so on and so on.  They are terrible examples for my girls, I don't let them around the boys alone, much to my hubby's dismay.  I don't trust them, I keep my purse in my room and I see through their constant lies and deceit.  My husband tries to be the cool guy for them and it hans't helpped matters.  He finally told me the other day he thought he could give them the benefit of the doubt but it didn't work.  But when he finally realized the oldest was doing drugs he slapped him on the hand and told him not to do it anymore.  Ummmmmm?  Thisis very serious to our family.  Not only was he doing that but I discovered he was trying to sell fake marijauana to his school mates AT school (stole all my oregano out of the cupboard and put it in small baggies.  Myself and my husband both have high level clearances and work for the government.  If he was arrested for this we would both lose our jobs, our clearances, and our livlyhood.  I told my husband I was NOT dealking with this and he better take care of it.  For six years I've tried to take care of matters with them myself but he always shoots down my efforts and puts me down infront of them to make them.  I feel better.  I really hate it here and want to leave very badly.  I love my husband very much and if it was just him and our kids (hasn't everyone said this), life would be great.  However, he is a jerk for not letting me participate in their discipline all these  years and now it's greatly effected our family and I don't think I can deal with this any longer.  I'm also severly embarassed when teachers call from their school and tell me how rude and disrespectful the boys are.  All I can say is "sorry, but I am not allowed to interfere in their discipline, however I feel your pain".  Ugh!

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:06 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 10:37 AM

I'm sorry your DH's poor parenting skills have made his children intolerable.

by on Feb. 27, 2011 at 5:19 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband and I just started this program Total Transformation. It is a lot about parenting TOGETHER and how to deal with difficult children. Maybe something like that would help your husband understand how much this is impacting YOUR life too! My in-laws spent a lot of time telling my husband and I that it was not my place to be involved with my SD's but they were so very wrong. My SD's needed me to be involved so they felt they were a part of their dad's life. So, I told my in-laws to go kick rocks and I built relationships with my SD's. They are difficult to deal with and have some weird personalities but we all at least know each other. My in-laws still do not validate the fact that what happens with them significantly impacts my life but I just don't give a shit anymore. Its my life too!

by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 2:23 PM

I absolutley LOVE the total transformation program. It really opened my eyes not just as a parent but as a partner and as an adult child with my own parents. I recomend it to everyone. (BTW i have 17 yr old ss 16 yr old bd 14 yr old bd 13 yr old bd and 10 yr old bs)

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:41 AM

This sounds like an intolerable situation.  It seems like you need to have a conversation with your husband and ask the difficult questions.  It seems to me that he isn't aware of their behavior or how it would adversely impact the younger girls.  

If you can, consider family counseling for yourself.  Maybe someone with experience can help you communicate with your husband in a way where he can hear you and what you need.

The drugs in your home and the dishonesty and concept of selling drugs at school is serious.  You need support and a husband that respects your concerns.

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry your husband is an ineffectual father to his sons.

ETA: woo! I made this reply before reading any other replies and look who the first replier was! And she said basically the same thing I did, two years ago. Damn I loved closetmom, she was so smart.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN