I am dating a guy with 2 girls and a BM from hell. Honestly I wonder why they even stayed together after the first date, which of course involved sex drugs and rock and roll. He is college educated, has a job, is a responsible involved father and son. She is a small minded, dirty minded, vicious, uneducated, lying bitch. 'To say the least. I have not seen any side of her that has any worth, neither have I heard anything good about her from friends and (his) family. Even with their being nice, I can read between the lines of conversations.
I met him after she'd left him, started dating him(not f@*!ing him) and have been sticking with him even through her trying to manipulate him (which she used to be able to do) which caused us to have problems in our new and growing relationship.
I have hopes for him and our potential as a couple. His girls are accepting of me, I don't live with them (yet, and therein lies some of my problem)and will not step on any toes with discipline. I do speak my mind to SO and hope he takes my advice. I am 6 years older than him, have raised 3 wonderful kids who are young adults now, and would like to know that he respects my opinion in some matters.
I have LOTS of issues to vent about and hope to get some good advice from all you ladies!
My latest GRRRR! is feeling out of place at his house. Since I am only there 3 or 4 days a week, and only 1 or 2 of those when the kids are there, I feel like I have no rights. I take on responsibilities, but since this is their established home, routines have been in place for years, I feel that they all resent me being there and changing things, not alot of things, just consideration and respect, and some common sense things.
For instance, SO does the laundry, cooks, cleans, shops. When the girls are there they are not required to pick up after themselves or help with any household chores. After they leave, it is up to him (and me) to clean the wreck they leave behind. (they are 11 and 9).
Another pet peeve is the way they are so self entitled. I have NEVER seen a child yell at Dad to "Get me a drink, NOW" in themost hateful tone I have ever heard. If I had even thought of that my father would have sent me to the moon! Yet SO caters to them. I had thought it was divorce guilt but have since learned it was always this way, with BM and the girls.
What can I say? How can I say it? How can I feel more welcome and involved in the home that I want and he wants to be in together?
sounds like you and he have different parenting styles. Remember they are his kids to raise as he sees fit. You will not be able to change that. You will not be their mother regardless of your very visceral opinion of a woman you have not met. I would guard against taking your boyfriends word for what type of mom his ex is.
Wow, everyone is so damn helpful in this step parenting group. *rolls eyes*
I'm sure BM is a bitch. There are horribly disgusting ppl in the world and sadly some of them are parents. This goes for men and women. Sounds like her ugly personality traits are being passed onto the children. I agree if I ever spoke to either my mother or father the way your boyfriends daughters speak to him I would have been in shit! That being said they are in that "stage" especially girls to start getting an attitude. There is nothing wrong with you voicing your opinions to your boyfriend about what you have observed as an outsider. I mean honestly its simple manners, "dad can you please get me a drink?" "thank you". If BM isn't teaching them manners then he should be. Otherwise there in for a BIG wake up call when they hit the real world and ppl think they are disgusting and rude and don't have any respect from their peers. You have to show respect to get it back.
Just don't involve yourself directly because that's just going to cause trouble between you and the SD's. Right now things are ok with the three of you and its best to keep it that way.
Some helpful advice? Okay.
Things will most likely never change. So don't allow it to ruffle your feathers too much, or be prepared for it to eventually ruffle the hell out of your feathers. Voice your concerns but don't expect it to change. And if you choose to stick around don't act surprised if the same behaviors going on now are going on in the future.
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Would be a good topic for Springer
- ...staysinvegas
on Mar. 3, 2011 at 10:57 AM