Anyone that comes from a dysfunctional childhood obviously starts off their adult life with a little "baggage" what is your dysfunction, what are the things that you have to work on in yourself with your own families????
I think that for me I tend to get caught up in the family drama WAY more than is needed. I live 3 hours away from my family pretty much to avoid this kind of thing but one phone call can bring me right back in. My best friend calls this the family phone chain...one person from the family calls me and then I am on with the next one and so on. I am usually the one trying to mediate whatever drama is goin on in cincinnati when really I just need to let them handle their own BS that they create. This tends to cause alot of uneeded stress for me and then for the hubby who has to listen to me carry on and on about it. In my own home, I am always worrying about how bad I am gonna screw my kids up. I think that I go so far out of my way to not be like my mom who was very controlling and mean that I probably let my kids get away with way too much. Then my other major issue is that the hubby and I have a relationship that borderlines on dysfunction...one day we hate each other...the next day everything is all good. Sometimes we go for months not speaking to each other until it finally comes to a breaking point.....
Wife to Josh
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." -Maya Angelou
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin
Come and check out my group- Dyfunction Junction @ http://www.cafemom.com/group/dysfunctionjunction
well my marriage right now is like yours, one day good one day bad, i never know what kind of mood he will be in, and my family dont have much do to with them anymore, found out they all resented me for being the baby and favored, like i had any control over that, i was scared to do anything wrong, and my mom is gone, and my dad is a drunk, sister too and the other sister is a patalogiacal liar, so after my dad is gone i might go to my sisters funerals just to make sure they are really gone, harsh i know but they are evil
OMG! Where to start?
I have had problems with my self-esteem. Though it's gotten better I still struggle. A lot of that is growing up with a mother I could never be good enough for. I was the worst child she'd ever seen, she was done raising her kids when I came along . . . The list goes on.
I was also fearful a lot or maybe intimidated would be a better word. My siblings are all 20+ years older than me. I found out they all hated me one way or another. Partly because I had everything handed to me by my father. My mother could hand things over because she just wanted to shut me up, and that I was the baby. Throw on top of that, that they believed I was from an affair my father had and he'd arranged my adoption. I'd suspected the same when I was 11-12 years old. Didn't even know for certain I was adopted until I was 28 and found it stated in a living trust! But guess what? I found BOTH of my birth parents and neither was my father!
My sister went so far to say that I thought I was better than her! HUH??? Whatever, she lives in her own fantasy like the rest of them. I think what it comes down to as well is that they don't want to share inheritance with me either, like I would care if I got anything. I'm sure they'll take it away from me anyway and it's just not worth going to court over. Sorry, they aren't worth it.
But so, this left me broken. I married someone just like my mother only worse. He was over strict so I was over lenient. He was mean, I was nice. So went I finally divorced I had to learn to find a balance. I am STILL way more lenient than most of the parents I know. My kids get to laze abuot more than most and they have a certain latitude when it comes to language that most parents would not give, but I do have boundries and my kids are good kids. I don't get complaints from other parents about them or anything. So I must have done something right somewhere. Plus they still hug and kiss me and tell me they love me! How many 17 year old boys say and do that with their mothers? I stopped hugging and kissing mine when I was 9 years old!
Anyway, I still struggle every day with my self-worth. I live for my kids. If anything happened to them, I wouldn't survive it. So I have a lot more to work on. Self-imagine, self worth, continuing to work on the balance in my life and to keep developing coping skills. And reminding myself every day that I can make something of myself despite what I've been taught to believe.
Kitty
=^..^=
Hello...
- kjoprater
on Jul. 3, 2009 at 8:54 AM