Feeling really down today! Will pay 20,000 JB for the 1st joke that does more than meerly make me smile.

Replies:

• 
• by
  • RosieCheeks64
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:06 PM

• Sorry you are in a funk today. What did the pickle say to the vibrator?

   

   

   

  Whay are you shaking dude? She's going to EAT me! 

• 
• by
  • PinaiAngelPai15
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:07 PM

• Idk of any good jokes (not that I need the JB anyways) but i just wanted to say that I hope you feel better.
  

  
  We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough religion to make us love one another. ~~ Jonathan Swift

• 
• by
  • itsallabtthem84
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:08 PM

• Naughty Nursery Rhymes Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider that crept beside her, But Little Boy Blue and his horn. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "F*ck him, He's only an egg. Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky. Silly Jill forgot her pill And now there's little Franky. Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone. When she bent over Rover took over, And gave her a bone of his own. Little Boy Blew. Hey. He needed the money. Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her ...... (but she didn't wear that one very often) Author Unknown

  
  

• 
• by
  • itsallabtthem84
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:09 PM

• I hope you get to feeling better soon =)
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • tidesfoblue
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:13 PM

• Sorry, hope something cheers you up soon!!

  
  

  Placing his ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house, a young fireman rushed up the ladder and looked through the window. Inside was a beautiful brunette in a transparent nightgown. He grinned and told her, "You're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"
  "But I'm not pregnant!" the woman exclaimed.
  "You're also not rescued yet."

• 
• by
  • homeandalone
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:14 PM

• 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
  
  On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
  
  "What?" said the puzzled groom.
  
  "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
  
  "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
  
  Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
  
  Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
  
  Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
  
  Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
  
  Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
  
  Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
  
  Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
  
  Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
  
  Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
  
  "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
  
  "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

• 
• by
  • homeandalone
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:17 PM

• The bride tells her husband The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
  anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
  
  "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
  prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
  prisoner in the prison.
  
  And then they made love for the first time.
  
  Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
  
  Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
  
  Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
  
  After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
  the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
  a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
  
  The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
  born foal.
  
  Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
  
  She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
  
  Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
  OKAY!

• 
• by
  • homeandalone
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:19 PM

• Only three doors An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
  
  The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
  
  The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

• 
• by
  • Christina96
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:21 PM

• I hope you feel better.

  Men are like .

  Men are like ... Laxatives ... They irritate the **** out of you.

  Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.

  Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.

  Men are like ... Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

  Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth & they usually head right for your hips.

  Men are like... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.

  Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

  Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.

  Men are like ... Mascara...  They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 

  Men are like ... Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

  Men are like ... Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

  Men are like . Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

  Men are like ... Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

  
  

• 
• by
  • Christina96
  on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:23 PM

• 

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