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I'm starting to feel inadequate

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 1:34 AM
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My 16 yr old SD is 8 weeks pregnant, and so far she seems to know what she wants to do--which is everything I don't do. She has the idea of ERF, EH, Breastfeeding, co sleeping, baby wearing and I feel like I'm not going to be able to help her because I, of course, formula feed, CIO, forward face and DEFINATELY DON'T co sleep or baby wear.

It's so tempting for me just to say too her "Your dad, your mom, me and several others didn't do any of those things with you and you are just wonderful!!!", but I don't want to over step my boundries. I know it's her baby, but she makes me feel like less of a parent because it's like she's saying "I'm going to do better than what you do".

I need some support right now--I don't know how I'm going to be able to help her anymore because tonight she seemed almost disgusted that I let my 6 month old CIO before bed.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 1:34 AM
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by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 1:47 PM

She's young and in the impressionable "pool". She's believing that everything she reads about and hears and others tell her is the right way to do things. She wants to be "popular" and do the "in" things because even tho she's going to be a mother she still has teen brain going on.

If she makes faces or gives lip tell will see when you are a parent that we all do things differently but in the end our children are all happy, healthy ,and loved and thats the important thing.

I know its hard not to fee inadequate when surrounded by people who think all those things are necessary to ensure the survival of the child and human race. Its not.

Personally, I wouldnt offer advice or help(other than maybe taking her to appts)unless she asks for it. She's got a long way to go in her pregnancy and mothering, odds are good once that baby is actually here she may find her way isnt quite working out and then will be more inclined to listen and learn.


Im a homemaker who is raising 3 sons. They are our chaos and our joy!
Im married to an awesome and hard-working man.
I follow my heart in all things. Want to know more, ask.

by New Member on Aug. 2, 2009 at 5:31 PM

Your SD reminds me of myself. Even tho I was a little bit older (18) when I got pregnant with my DD, I was TOTALLY in to all the Breastfeeding and co sleeping and never spanking and all that stuff. But, as soon as my baby was here, that all changed. The more my pregnancy progressed, the less comfortable i was with breastfeeding, so i bottled, and because i am the world's HUGEST whimp, i used an epidural without even waiting to see if i could take the pain c uz i knew i couldn't. and of course i now do all that stuff i swore i wouldn't. who knows she may change her mind, but even if she doesn't just be as supportive as you can.

by Group Admin on Aug. 4, 2009 at 11:48 AM

Oh, things will change once the reality of motherhood hits her!  And at 16 years old, most of the ideals she has are going to be very impractical for her.  Right now, her main focus should be on how she is going to support the baby (I assume she is unmarried), finish school, etc.  Good luck with this situation.  Try not to argue with her in the meantime, she will come around!

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