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Soooo Tired...vent...kinda long

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2009 at 5:57 PM
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So I am really tired of my mom bad-mouthing my husband. It seems like she has a real attitude about him lately. She made the comment that he introduced me to drugs..well thats true..but he didn't force them down my throat..and if it wasn't him it would have been someone else..that's just where I was in my life at the time. This man has delt with so much of my shit..and he's stayed with me through it all. He stayed with me after I cheated on him..more than once. He stayed with me after I bankrupted us TWICE!! He works SO hard every day..and I put it all up my nose..everything that he worked for..POOF..gone! And then he left everything he knew..his family..his job..to come with me and fix things and give it another shot. And even though it was my fault..he didn't make me go to work. He has always been there for me..he has always taken care of me and our girls..he ALWAYS puts us first. He never buys stuff for himself..but he will for us all day long. No, he is not perfect. He does have a very bad temper, but would never hurt me or the girls. We all make mistakes. But he stayed with me through every single one of mine, and forgave me and still loved me...and they have the nerve to imply anything bad about him. My mom asks constantly if i'm ok..if he puts his hands on me..makes snide little remarks about his personality..and just the general tone of her voice is condesending. And I love this man with every fiber of my being..so today I sent her an email and told her all this. Normally thats not me, I don't like confrontation..at all. I don't like drama..so I usually just keep my mouth shut and grin and bear it..but I basically just said she could talk bad about him all she wants I just dont want to hear it anymore. I'm not going to be a party to it. And put my foot down about a few rules when my daughter goes over there...I am so proud of myself. It feels good to stand up for yourself sometimes. My mom came over to pick up my daughter a little while ago and didn't say very much to me..she spent most of the time outside..so whatever. I'm sure it will blow over...but I had it..I won't put up with her talking smack about the man who saved me more times than I care to remember..he is an amazing husband and an even more amazing father. They might not like some of the life choices we've made for OUR family...but they do have to deal with it. It is OUR family..we are 2 married adults..and will raise our family as such..and they can disagree with our parenting style and religion choice all they want..they can't change it, so why be miserable and hold a grudge about it. And why think that I just blindly follow him. They think if he wasn't in the picture that things wouldn't be this way..that I would do what they want.  They think he controls me and my choices. Even if i wasn't married to him...I feel how I feel about parenting, has nothing to do with my husband..and I feel how I feel about religion and it has nothing to do with him...he influenced me in NO way. So I made all this perfectly clear..and said that I wanted it to stop. So we'll see what happens I guess. It's just not me...i'm always worried about what everyone else thinks..and if i hurt anyones feelings...and I realized that sometimes I have to worry about my feelings..and it deeply offends me when ANYONE talks bad about my hubbs. They have NO EARTHLY idea what that man has put up with for me..to be with me. So they have NO room to talk or pass judgement. So I finally stuck up for myself...hopefully it works out!

by on Jul. 29, 2009 at 5:57 PM
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Replies (1-4):
jasmin143
by Member on Jul. 30, 2009 at 12:18 PM

Good for you for standing up for yourself and your husband! My husband also stood with me through some very bad times he put up with alot of shit. My mother has a problem with his religion and shes always making little comments about it. I try not to let her get to me, but som etimes she really gets on my nerves.

sydjademom24
by Group Owner on Aug. 1, 2009 at 10:06 AM


Quoting jasmin143:

Good for you for standing up for yourself and your husband! My husband also stood with me through some very bad times he put up with alot of shit. My mother has a problem with his religion and shes always making little comments about it. I try not to let her get to me, but som etimes she really gets on my nerves.


I see you understand where I am coming from! Well....update!! It's been 3 days..haven't heard from the mom yet!!! ???

CocoRN
by New Member on Aug. 9, 2009 at 2:44 AM

Good for you!! i can totally relate when you say that you don't like confrontation and always worry about what others think and you don't want to hurt anyone. Well, why let them hurt you? Sometimes we do have to put our foot down and speak our mind. Just because someone is family it doesn't give them the right to treat you badly. I've always said that if my sister was not my sister then we  wouldn't even be friends. She can be pretty mean when she speaks her mind and I have just started standing up to her in the past year, My mom is great but when she has an opinion about someone or something she feels she has the right to say whatever she wants. Well this is when boundaries become very important. She lives in Michigan so our conversations are always on the phone. If she is bad mouthing someone or talking about something that upsets me then it's time to establish boundaries. I tell her that if she starts in on whatever to topic is then I will warn her and if doesn't stop then I will simply hang up. I have had to do this a couple of times and then she gets the point. Our moms love us very much and want the best for us but it does not give them the right to just say whatever they want. Especially if they are not willing to listen to what we have to say in return. Your husband sounds like a great guy. Sure you've made some mistakes together, we all have. but you guys are doing the best you can to make everything right again, it sounds like maybe he has some guilt since he's the one that introduced you to drugs in the first place, and this is why he works so hard and takes care of you and your family. Your mom needs to be reminded that no one is perfect, not even her. The past is the past, you cannot change it. You accept the things you cannot change and use your courage to change the things you can. If your mom starts butting into your relationship, parenting style, choice of religion, or anything else then just tell her that you are not discussing this, it's between you and your husband. If she keeps it up then either hang up the phone or turn around and walk away. She has to learn to respect you as an adult, not the little girl she raised. My sister loves to talk shit about my husband and never gives him credit for all of the great things he does and what an amazing father he is. I stand up for him right away and let her know that I will not tolerate her ignerant opinions, Stay strong, establish boundaries, and stick with them! 

lexisandjayden
by New Member on Feb. 26, 2010 at 12:54 PM

 I also let my mom rant and never stood up for myself. My so (ex) always had a prob. with that. Is that why we turn to drugs? to numb the feelings we take in and never let out?. Good for you to let it out and not hold it in!!!!  Wish I had a strong backbone like you

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