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Posted by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 5:13 PM
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A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe
problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many
questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her
problems. Finally he asked,

"Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did he look?"

"Very angry."

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting
somewhere and he said,

"Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.
Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face
once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur
that you saw his face that time?"

"Well he was looking through the window at us."
__________________________________________

by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 5:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lcat
by Co-Owner on Aug. 30, 2012 at 5:56 PM

There's a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know
which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see
how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the
works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look
pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so
much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and
reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the
money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

DaniandTom
by on Sep. 9, 2012 at 12:35 PM

LMAO Love these!

lcat
by Co-Owner on Sep. 9, 2012 at 1:25 PM

One day, a mother walks by her young son's room and sees little
Johnny masturbating. Later, she has a talk with him and tells him
that good little boys save it until they are married.

A few weeks later, the mom is having another talk with little
Johnny. "How are you doing with that problem we talked about,
dear?" she asks.

Little Johnny cheerfully replies, "Great! So far, I've saved
nearly a quart!"

catchesthewind
by Group Owner on Sep. 10, 2012 at 2:58 PM

Ha, hahahahahahahaha that was funny, looking thur the window,...lmfao, hugs hon.

     Catchesthewindangel mini

lcat
by Co-Owner on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:47 AM

A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a
coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left
breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out
a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a
good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to
see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan
from his wife. He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor
says this is amazing and is a real breakthrough. Obviously the
sexual stimulation is getting through to the woman's brain. The
doctor then suggests the man should go in and try oral sex,
saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he
doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in, then comes out about five minutes later, white
as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.

The doctor is shocked and asks what happened.

"She choked."
___________________________________________

lcat
by Co-Owner on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:55 AM

You HAVE to sing this to get the full effect...........

DO-RAY-ME-BEER by Homer Simpson

DOUGH.........the stuff that buys me beer....

RAY..............the guy who sells me beer.......

ME................the guy.. who drinks the beer...........

FAR...............the distance to my beer.............

SO.................I think I'll have a beer.........

LA..................La, la, la, la, la, la, beer.......

TEA...............no thanks, I drinking beer..........

That will bring us back to.....................DOH!

lcat
by Co-Owner on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:03 PM

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife
speaks to the counselor alone.

The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so
what seems to be the problem?"

The wife replies, "It's my husband, he's driving me crazy! I'm
going to leave him if he continues!"
"How does he drive you crazy?"

"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things.
First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and
refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"

"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!"

"Hmm, anything else?"

The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me
be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband
now."

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.

The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving
her crazy. She might even leave you."

The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving
and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What
could be the problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits
that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange
in public; looking at the floor and never going near anyone
else."

The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one
of the few things my father told me to do on his death bed and I
swore I'd obey everything he said."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should
not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."

The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in
public."

"Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to
do!  He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not
indulge in any criminal activity."

"Oh," says the husband feeling very stupid.

"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top
during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father
commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important
thing."

"What did he say?" asks the counselor

"With his dying breath, he said, 'Don't screw up.'"

lcat
by Co-Owner on Oct. 1, 2012 at 9:54 AM

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in
an accident. In court, the company's fancy lawyer was questioning
Farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked
the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had
just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the . . ."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just
answer the question. Did you, or did you not say, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer Joe continued, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the
trailer and I was driving down the road . . ."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to
establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man
told the Highway Patrolman that he was just fine. Now, several
months after the accident, he is suing my client. I believe he is
a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

But the judge was interested in Farmer Joe's story and said to
the lawyer, I'd like to hear what he has to say about his mule,
Bessie.

Joe thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I
had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and
was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and
trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

"I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the
other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I
could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in
terrible shape just by her groans.

"Shortly after the accident, a highway patrolman came on the
scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over
to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her
between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with
his gun in his hand and looked at me.

"He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.
How are you feeling?'"
_______________________________________________________________

lcat
by Co-Owner on Oct. 1, 2012 at 10:04 AM

 

lcat
by Co-Owner on Oct. 6, 2012 at 10:46 AM

A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at
a stop sign, they are rear ended (no pun intended) by a big semi.

Furious, the guy in the passenger side throws his purse on the
seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts
banging on the door.

The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing there
with his hands on his hips, says, "I'm gonna sue your ass, Buddy!
"

The truck driver just laughs and says, "Blow me!"

The gay guy runs back to the car and says excitedly to his lover,

"You won't believe this, he wants to settle out of court!"
_______________________________________________

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