My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999 at only 33 years old, just as I was starting kindergarten. What started out as breast cancer had metastasized to her lungs and bones. She had gone into remission twice only to have it reoccur again and had had it metastasize to many times for me to count. She had been on chemo the majority of these past 15years and radiation multiple times. This past week we got some devastating news. He cancer is still spreading but her current chemo is no longer working. The issue is that this chemo is experimental, she has literally gone through every available chemotherapy and this last experimental one. Her doctor is saying that she has no more options. He said they will try and radiate if there are any new spots, but because she has had radiation so many times there are many spots they can't touch. They're saying she has about 6-12 months. The issue is that she's completely in denial for one and two, her doctor never have her the timeframe. She asked him never to give her a timeline and knowing her stubbornness and mental setbacks, he respected her wishes but did share this information with the family. As such, she doesn't know that we really know. She has been telling me that yes she has no more chemo but that it's a good thing. She doesn't want me to worry because we recently moved to another state with my husband in the army. Her doctor has been talking to us about hospice care options just to be prepared. He wants my grandma and I to think about home hospice care, unfortunately there must be a responsible adult present for this to happen, but my dad works all day and my sister has mental handicaps and wouldn't qualify. I can't help but feel guilty because I recently moved, but only because I didn't know it was this bad. If I was home there would be someone there for her. But I left her at her worst. I'm sorry for the length and sidetrack.
So here's my dilemma, should I share with her the timeframe that her doctor gave us, letting her know that I know how sick she really is even though she doesn't want me to or allow her to continue on in denial? And secondly, if it comes down to it should I start preparing to spend a few moths back home so she can have home hospice care instead of being put in a strange place? My husband is in the army an we have a four year old so the move would be stressful for her as daddy couldn't be around, but I don't want her to be alone. I just am so confused an hurt. She's been fighting so long against all odds I took her for granted and never really expected to have to plan for something like this. I'm only twenty and my mom is my life, we talk for hours daily now that I'm gone and I just don't know what to do, or how to help.
on Mar. 18, 2014 at 8:24 PM